Wag Basahin Pag Ayaw ng Drama

Book in Hand: The Sea King's Daughter by Barbara Michaels
Song in Mind: A Sorta Fairytale by Tori Amos (Peloy helped me remember the title!!!! )
Word in Mouth: Woot! (Short for: Wow! Loot! - Thanks Edward for my word of the day)

D'you ever get that weird state of emotions when you're happy but you're not? Ack. Not a good way to be, but it happens to the best of us. Hay.

I should be happy. Yesterday, I spent the whole day with my sister and friends from work in a resort. I swam for three hours. I reveled in feeling the water surround me like a silken robe. I had a great time. But then on the way home, Pope JP2's funeral was being aired on the bus tv set and that sobered me up a bit.

Today, I spent the whole evening with my best geeky friends and we talked about books and movies and other standard geeky stuff for hours. We met in Powerbooks GB but brought our own books to exchange with each other. Norman said we brought more books in than what we brought out. After eating, we browsed around the arcade a bit. I even want to try the arcade games next time; it looked fun when Edward and Peloy played. I might even do the Dance Revo... My point is -- I love their company. They are good, responsible friends and no one could do better than that. I look forward to Book Club Saturdays because I enjoy their company. But I feel like I'm always "sablay" around them. I can't always follow their conversations and the moment I do get it --- they've changed topics already.

Come to think of it... I'm always sablay any given time. I just wish God could help me achieve five minutes of having done the right thing, hitting the right punchline, saying the appropriate words. Why can't I be as brilliant as I hear people could be, or as witty, and smart? Why can't I just be interesting for at least three minutes? I'm too old for an identity crisis. I've convinced myself I've already found out who Olivia is. But the girl I thought I was is still and might always just be the girl I thought I could be. I'm just a second rate version of myself. Because the all original version Olivia I know is patient and kind, capable and brave. I don't know this silly, nonsensical, bimbo-esque girl taking over all the time now.

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