Tuesday, March 29, 2005

What I Do

Book in Hand: A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Austere Academy
Song in Mind: Too busy thinking
Word in Mouth: Too busy thinking

I think I haven't really explained adequately what I do for a living. All I keep saying is that I'm a development officer and that I work for a non-government organization. I also keep repeating that I'm mostly always harassed or stressed or going insane with the workload. I haven't lied. But I did leave out the wonderful parts about doing the job I do.

What I do is mostly developing and implementing new projects geared towards social development -- be it in education or health or livelihood. So far, I really am into the groove of educational projects -- I've handled school building projects, helped distribute thousands of school desks all over Luzon, handled employee volunteering activities of different companies. There's the occasional tree-planting stuff, the tutorials, the book donations. I'm extremely proud of a program being implemented in a public school in Batangas where an average elementary school was given a science lab and a library. Now, they are one of the showcased schools in Region IV. People from Palawan visit their school to see what we've done -- the school, the donor company and my ngo. I get to travel a lot, obvious enough. I've been to the mountains of cagayan looking for beneficiaries of a new potable water system project. I've been as far down as Camarines Sur to assist another NGO sponsored by a donor company on how to provide livelihood for their people. And the best part is that I get to talk to farmers, fisherfolks, carpenters, plumbers, teachers, children, company presidents, company janitors, other writers, and so on and so forth. If I just really consider it, I could learn so much from so many people. Even if I just stay in the office, I learn a lot too. I get to do the every aspect that is involved in one project: technical writer, conceptualizer, advertising agent, events organizer, spokesperson, consultant, field worker, and again, the list goes on. It's one heck of a stressful job because you're expected to do so much, but in the long run, I get to benefit because I learn sooo much as well.

Really, I just whine about work once in a while because I'm probably loaded and toxic. But in my heart of hearts, I really can't see myself doing anything else for the time being. This is where I should be. My work is here.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

The Morning After

Book in Hand: Beauty Sleep by Cameron Dokey (rewriting of the famous fairytale)
Song in Mind: You wouldn't want to know
Word in Mouth: I think I'll shut up now

Aha..eh... so...I'm sane now. Or as close to being sane as I ever would be.

Last night was scary. I actually felt my insides buzzing with the weirdness of it. I have a mind to say I may have been possessed. Weirdest night ever. And thanks Mariel for keeping me a bit grounded. Just a wee bit human. Edward too. I wasn't exactly high on drugs or anything. I don't even drink beer or alcohol. Sugar high is the closest I'll get to any kind of high. Last night, I wasn't all me and I'll leave at that. (My dark twin has resurfaced and I fought heaven and earth to regain my balance--- bwahahaha!)

Okay. Sane now, remember? Yep. But I so promise never to blab like an idiot in my blog again. I will not narrate stuff as if I'm rereading a Pepe and Nene picture book. I will speak in both English and Filipino, whatever I feel like using. I will just be real. And I will exercise my brain so I will not end up as a blubbering half-wit. Deal?

Got it.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Ah Ewan

Bakit ba kasi ang hirap mag-process the iniisip ko ngayong araw na ito?
Ang dami kong balak, ang dami kong plano, wala pa sa kalahati ang nagagawa ko? Hindi ko nga alam paano ako nagsusurvive. Pesteng computer ko, di pa nakikipag-cooperate.

Unang blog ko to na Tagalog. See ang babaw ko. Yan lang ang irereport ko ngayong gabi na ito. Sa tutoo lang, new experience ito. Buong buhay ko ata, pa-Ingles-Ingles ako. Paano, kindergarten pa lang, pag nag-Ingles ka, bida ka. Sinasabi ng mga teachers "Very good, Olivia! You are a very smart girl!" Naniwala naman ang bata. Nagpalakpakan naman ang lahat ng maipaliwanag ko sa Ingles na "My favorite doll is Rainbow Brite. Her hair is very colorful and she has a star on her cheek." Para bang sukatan ng pananalita ko ng Ingles ang lahat ng angking galing ng kamalayan ko. Siguro akala ko, maiintindihan ako ni Rainbow Brite. Kasi akala ko, Amerikana siya. Kahit may tatak na Made in Japan ang kanyang puwit. At habang tumatanda, mas magaling kang magsulat at magsalita sa Ingles, mas matalino ka daw. Hanggang sa paghahanap ng trabaho, hindi ka tatantayan. Wala naman akong problema, kasi naging magaling naman daw ako magsulat. Sabi nila. Pero tingnan mo yung entry ko sa ibaba.

Anak ng kambing ngumunguya ng Bazooka -- daming maling grammar at ispeling. Ewan ko, kung nabobobo lang ako sa Ingles, o baka hindi ko lang talaga dama yung sinasabi ko. Napakadaling dumaldal sa Ingles. Just put nice-sounding words together and that's it -- henyo ka na. Pero minsan, ang hirap pa rin sabihin ng talagang nararamdaman. May mga panahon talaga na ang sinisigaw ng puso mo, hindi maaring i-translate sa kahit ano pang ibang lingwahe. Kahit siguro mag-aral ko ng Spanish at French, papalpak pa rin ako kung ang gusto ko talagang sabihin ay nakasalalay sa pagiging Pinoy ko. Kahit kasing bilis ko sa pananalita ng Ingles ang machine gun sa pwet ni Astroboy, walang sense pag hindi ko sinabi sa Tagalog.

Nababato na ako. (Sige nga, translate mo yan ng literal: I am Rocky?) Hindi ko alam ang gusto ko mangyari sa buhay ko. Nagdirilim na ang paningin ko, at hindi lang dahil sa Biyernes Santo ngayon. Alam kong sandali lang ang bakasyon na ito, at hahampas na naman sa aking diwa ang katutohanan ng mundo pagdating ng Lunes. Hindi na ulit ako bata. Dalawmpu't tatlong taon na ko. Mahirap na naman kumanta ng Barney song. Wala ng may pakialam kung favorite ko si Rainbow Brite noon. Magiging tungkol sa targets, targets, targets na naman ang buhay ko. Hay, Astroboy, pahiram naman ng pwet. May tatargetin lang ako. Ang katamaran ko. Gusto ko na itong tuluyang mawasak. Sana masipag ako ulit.

At habang nanaginip ako. Sana payat na rin ako. Kahit hindi nagda-diet.
At sana, hindi ko na kailangan i-rebond ang buhok ko. Lagi na lang siyang shiny and tangle-free.
Sana, magka-laptop na rin ako. Pentium 5. May 700 Gigabytes. Baby Blue. Libre.
Kotse. SUV. O kaya basta, kasya ako. Kulay dark Blue. Silver hubcaps. Astig na engine, pero malay ko kung ano ang ibig sabihin nun. Siguro yung hindi lumalapa ng gas parang umiinom ng softdrinks. Hindi siguro libre, wag naman carnap. Mapalunan ko na lang sa SM Fairview raffle.
Sabi ng pinsan ko, kaya daw wala pa akong boyfriend, kasi mukha daw akong Hercules. Sana, maaga siyang makalbo.

Sana rin, wish ko lang, bukas pag gising ko---hindi na ako baliw.

Good Friday

Book in Hand: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Song in Mind: Hoo-hoohoo, hee-heee-hee, wiggle-wiggle-wiggle and laugh with me!
Word in Mouth: Gayb!

I am a tad guilty. Today is Good Friday and as my Mummy keeps on saying I should be observing the holy rites of Christ's death. I know I am wrong, and all my justifications will not render me correct, but I do not feel like being doleful today. We spent the whole day in an uncle's house where my adorable, adorable cousin simply filled up my hours with play. The kind of play that is actually hard work. Whew! Taking care of kids ain't easy! It took me two hours to get him to take a nap. I told him the story of "Rumpelstiltzkin" complete with funny voices and all! (Had to take lozenges afterwards. I scratched my throat because i cackled and cuckooed a lot) It all paid off though. On the last wing of his resistance to sleep, just when he was about to close his eyes, he looked at me and gave me the sweetest smile I've ever seen in heaven and earth. Worth it, worth it, worth it. I could do that for six hourse straight if he'd do that again. Soon he'd be too grown up for my stories, and I'm going to take as much as I could now. Gayb's turning two in July.

All in all, I've been having a good week. Since I only went to the office for two days. =P I think I know now that I am getting old. Back when I was student, I reproached adults who treat the Holy Week as a week-long vacation -- time to swim, time to make pasyal, time to make jolly. That's because I had a whole summer to do all that. But now that I'm also working where there is no summer vacation, I have this urge to fill the holy days with everything fun and relaxing too. Don't worry though, my Mummy makes sure we all observe the Passion of Christ, and I'm not so jaded as to completely turn my back on what we've been taught to do half my life.

So to everyone, have a Good Friday. Talk to you again on Easter Sunday!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Floudering Wednesday

Book in Hand: Read This and Tell Me What it Says by A. Manette Ansay
Song in Mind: Hooo-wheee-eeeee, areebombom, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight..........
Word in Mouth: Whadafa?

Oh why is it not Friday yet??? Need. To. Get. Past. Wednesday.
Someone hit my head with a club so I can justify conking out.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Back to Work

Book in Hand: Magic for Sale
Song in Mind: Sorry, my mind is still blank
Word in Mouth: Unghh...zzz....wha??

That was a good weekend right there...
It's my sister's birthday tomorrow and as per family custom we celebrate it early if we could get away with it. =P I only helped her shop for clothes and some stuff as gifts. Yeah, it was a pretty relaxed weekend, which is great because it totally made up for last week's hurricane schedule. ANd this week, probably won't be so much different.

Could you blame me if I just want to hibernate until the next Saturday comes?

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Doggone Day

Book in Hand: Still that danged Seduced by Moonlight... I swear it doesn't make any sense and I'm just finishing it because I don't want to waste the 300 bucks I spent for it.
Song in Mind: The Sun is Up and I've Got a Million Things To do.... (you can say that again)
Word in Mouth: Itchy Bitchy

Ha! What a day...

Actualy, lemme say, what a week. If I live through the next two days, I can officially call myself a survivor. Tsunami that is my life. Bleh!

New movie reviews are up in my GG Theater blog. Includes A Very Long Engagement, and will soon have Sideways, A Series of Unfortunate Events and Million Dollar Baby. Meanwhile, I have an article to write for our company newsletter and I better do that first before I go lazy again. =P

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Drizzle Grizzle

Book in Hand: Still "Seduced by Moonlight" (argh, it's all about unseelie fairies and the story ain't friendly)
Song in Mind: Lean on Me coz Harlemm Lee sang it in last night's episode of Fame (Go Harlemm!)
Word in Mouth: Blow Away, My Zephyr.... *shrug*

This morning... or should I say, yesterday morning, I woke up feeling fantastic because I heard it was raining!! And it was still dusky outside and when I looked out my window everything was wet and nice and it was cold. It put me in such a good mood that I didn't even mind half as much that I had to go to work. And when I got home at 8:30 p.m. I didn't knock on the gate immediately. I spent some fifteen minutes just standing in the middle of our empty street and stared up, up at the night sky. There were so many stars. That's the good thing about living in the boondocks. Yes, it's far from everything else, but it sure is near the heavens. *sigh*


* I want to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events. I don't know if it's any good. In my opinion, Jim Carrey gets a bit O.A. sometimes and it's not like I like the book series. But I'm hoping movie magic waved it's wand and something good came out of the whole unfortunate thing.

*Million Dollar Baby won the Oscar Best Pic, but it's still about Boxing and I never found that entertaining. I'd rather watch worms breeding, thank you very much. If anybody thinks I should reconsider, let me know. Next ---

*There's this comedian I discovered I like, Jimmy Fallon. I think I've seen him on some teeny-bopper foreign mags and I never paid attention. Really thought, he was one of those goofy looking guys who scored a hunk card for some unknown reason. But when I heard him do stand-up comedy, specifically the Troll Jingles, man, I laughed til my sides hurt! And now, I think he's uber cool. Listen to it! It's played on LaunchCast under Stand-Up Comedies.

* Talking about laugh-out-loud inducers, the tv shows which really, really, really makes me laugh and it's the kind of amused, surprised laugh you make when you're amazed that you're actually getting the joke: Friends and Malcolm in the Middle. And lately, Ed too. In fact, I like that show so much that I am even going to wake up three hours from now to catch the 6 am replay on ETC, since I didn't get to watch it last Thursday night. =P

* Hmmm.. Gilmore Girls. I love the Gilmore Girls. But I've never really laughed out loud in any of their episodes. Oh, but I giggled and chuckled along with them. Ehehe, it's really more of being able to relate with them and wishing you could have the sassy, savvy kind of wit they have.

* I've decided to put up a separate blog for my Geeks Guide to the Theater. I just think it will take up too much space if I put it in here. Upcoming reviews: A Very Long Engagement and Sideways. (I'm a bit late)

Yawn! Have to sign off now. *liv nods off*

Book Club Minus One

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Hey, Look what I found! Ahahahaha! This is the Book Club. That's Peloy on the left, Mariel burdened with my arms 'round her and Edward towering over everybody. Not in pic is Norman. Aww... sayang. *shrug*


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Ah, those goold old high school days... That's me with my best friends: Dre & Yel in our old house

Friday, March 04, 2005

Return to Nowhere

Book in Hand: Seduced by Moonlight (and it doesn't make much sense)
Song in Mind: Run by Kitchie Nadal
Word in Mouth: Oh, Sugar!

Sorry. Really sorry. My Dad just got out of the hospital yesterday, and I've been staying with him since last Sunday as watcher. That's why I haven't written much lately. Now that he's out, we're back to the same routine and here I am, early for work again. And I'm swamped with work. Up to my neck-full of shiat. Work-Life Balance isn't really a very easy thing to do. Hay.

But today is friday. And no matter how much work needs to be done, and even if I actually have to go back tomorrow to finish everything, I'm still in a good mood. Friday is friday is friday. =P

Nway, I was browsing through some other blogs lately and I realized how utterly, aherm, boring, mine is. Some blogs are so full of colorful words (and I don't mean yellow and pink) and angst and anger and --- and --- mine is so, well, me. I can't really help but be wholesome. Maybe that's why I'm never going to be a writer, I don't have enough anger to fuel my words and make them sizzle like lard on a hot plate. I could write about rainbows and how pretty the stars are, but the world seems to have this bias against anything sweet and nice. Like it it's just shit because life's shit. Some people would say that I can't say anything edgy because I refuse to be myself. Really? Sometimes I think that. But fuck it if by saying fuck that's supposed to mean I'm being true to myself. (oh, now, there's the anger)

Yep, the world is full of biatches and dickheads and morons and imbeciles, but every single one of them are just human beings who are just as lost as I am. I get angry and I blow my top, but I let it go as soon as I could. Not because life is short, who cares about that, but because it's to exhausting to carry stuff around. I am lazy by nature, spurned to action only if I am extremely bored, and the good thing about that is I leave my baggages where they are. There were times, when I'm being immature or just plain mean, I went back to the baggages and hurled them back at people. But that happens twice in a decade. And only because some people seem utterly comfortable lugging their tonnage right along with them. Im fat and heavy enough as I am. I don't need anything else to slow me down.

Hay. There. That's out. I can return to peachy-kins Livvy-dearest again. The roly-poly, good-natured sweet-toothed fairy-dairy everyone seems to like.

Oh my God, I feel like crying. I am trapped, ain't I?