Saturday, May 28, 2005

Gean Chronicles

The story of Gea had been swimming inside my head for three years now. I was in fourth year college when I first thought of writing a story, with characters who are just as fantastical and lovely as my real friends in the book club are. As of today, I have revised all of its twelve pages --- not even making one-eight of the whole chapter. I have revised it seven times. I'm starting to believe it's kind of hopeless.

It WAS supposed to be an ode to the Book CLub. One character for each of us. And I'm starting to believe that it was my first mistake. I can't base fantastic characters solely on real people I know. I couldn't play around with their destinies much. For instance, I can't make Edvar ( a warrior) fall in love with Muriuell (a nymph) because it'll cause real trouble in my earth-life. I'm sure I can make Pelesse as dark as I want it to be and I would hear no objection from dear Felix, but it'll be too predictable if he's the only one with a dark side. And Amnor is pretty much a blank slate since I figured the person he's based on is always so practical and logical in real life that he pretty much avoids all skirmishes. And without skirmishes, I have no plot. Therefore no story. Ha!

I'm sorry. I believe I just have to abandon this one. I once believed it's the one story I absolutely have to write in this life. But maybe it's a little too early for me to attempt it. Maybe next time.

And now, as I wrap this up, about to meet the real persons who inspired the play characters, I smile a little sadly, wistfully. I've died a little with this small failing, but I'll make up for it. I hear the faint sounds of an idea shimmering somewhere in the recesses of my subconscious and it'll come to me soon. I just know it, with all of my soul.

Friday, May 27, 2005

The Improv Girl

Book in Hand: Maskerade by Terry Pratchett
Song in Mind: Same Ground by Kitchie Nadal


FIRST DAY FUNK

Tomorrow's the first day of CWTS classes in De La Salle. That is the reason why my desk is clothed with yellow post-its and belabored with my notebooks right now. Who says teachers get all the fun? (For those who are not quite following: I'm facilitating civic welfare training service classes every Saturday in DLSU). They also have to study as the students do. I learned that from my parents who are both professors. Why d'ya think out house is bursting at the seams with a variety of books?

Another wrong notion is that teachers look forward to the first day of classes with a sadistic kind of pleasure. Ha! It could get kind of scary for us too. I'm meeting complete freshies tomorrow, and some might think that's easy. But nobody could really tell the kind of little devils they might turn out to be.

SPREAD YOURSELF THIN

This is of course utterly impossible for me if taken literally. But a few have raised their questions about my capacity to keep my sanity with everything that I have to do. But I'm through with not taking opportunities because I don't feel like it, or because I don't want to go through the bother anymore. I want to DO. I want to ACT.

I've been hesitant about getting a teaching load this term, since everything in PBSP right now is enough to daunt a spinning dervish. But I have to have something separate and mine. I just want something else besides Presentation Reports and PPOA and damage control. Something I'm doing because I want to do. That's why I'm getting all these extras. I guess that's also my reason for getting the contributor's job at Peloy's magazine. I just have to keep on writing.

In my heart, I know I am a lazy girl. But I have enough time to be lazy later; right now, life is about doing and surviving. That's all I know.


SCOPING OUT GATEWAY

The Book CLub will be meeting tomorrow afternoon. It's our STAR WARS weekend. This time, we'd be scoping out the Gateway Mall in Cubao, just to see what's the beef on it. I am kind of looking forward to exchanging books with them, which I believe would be phanta-stically bountiful. But I can't help doubting if I would be able to read it any time soon. Like this month, I wasn't able to read 3 of the 5 books Mariel lent me. I wasn't able to read the 2 books Norman lent, just Legends.

Also, I'm not as excited about malling this time around because I am drastically short on money. I just have enough to buy a nibble and buy tickets for the movie. And commuting fare.

BANG-BANG!!! BRATATATATATAT!!!!!!

Fie Finance and GSU FOR THIS PREDICAMENT!!! Had a bit of situation at work kasi where I used my own money to facilitate reproduction of blueprints for a school building project we have. Mga 2 thousand pesos din yun. Three weeks na wala pang bumabalik na reimbursement!!! Una, hindi agad nakagawa ng memo ang kailangan gumawa ng memo. Kami pa sa unit ang gumawa para pirmahan niya at papirmahan niya sa boss niya. Tapos, ang 3-day processing ng finance namin, ay in actuality 30 days ata. So there. Namumulubi ang mga staff. Kung sa sweldo ko lang kami umaasa buong pamilya, siguro namumuti na ang mata namin.

NOT NICE ANYMORE

So when people at work tell me: "Aba, si Olivia may tinatago palang ka-sutilan / kasalbahian / apoy / maitim na bugso ng damdamin / dilang matalim..."

Aba, wag na kayo magulat. Ayaw ko na naiipit. Ayaw ko na rin ako ang kawawa. Kaya ko rin sumigaw. Mas malakas pa, kasi mas malaki ang baga ko. Kaya ko rin kayo daganan. Awa na lang ng Diyos ang makakapagligtas sa sansinukob.

Hay, bwiset.

Sinong niloko ko.


Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Longest Days

Book in Hand: Beyond Imagination ( a compilation of fantasy stories)

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I just keep making the mistake of thinking it's Friday already. (Okay, okay, it's just me...) I can't believe it's only been two days into the work week. Egad, time crawls around here.

GEEKS RULE!!!

Last night, I went to Glorietta to attend the 3rd Philippine Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention. How absolutely geeky. :) Norman spoke highly of last year's convention that's why, this time, I promised myself I won't let the event just pass me by. Un-for-tunately, this year's event was just a going-through-the-motion stuff. The G ACtivity Center was a little too small for the convention, and it might also have done better if it was slated during a weekend. Still, it wasn't half as bad as I make it sound. There were lots of booths to browse through, mostly Star Wars art stuff. The best thing about the gathering was that, you could be as geeky as you want to be. No one would look at you weirdly if you can mouth off all the fantasy trivia you know. I think I was the only one doing that whenever I pass a Trekkie (I still don't get that). :) We consider it as an unofficial Book Club Gimik (sans Peloy: darn it, kid, where were ya??) since Edward and Mariel also came.

So guys, the next unofficial gimik would be, of course, Neil Gaiman's visit to the Philippines, right? Pipila tayo for autograph, okay?

CHINESE-JAPANESE FUNK

Drowning in tea, and still not flailing. That's me. Been eating way too much Chinese and Japanese food plus tea since yesterday and I'm starting to feel it's toll on me. NAIIHI AKO! But I have to say, nag-enjoy ako sa lunch kahapon. Gilda, Ate Sarah, Ian, Eman and I all went to Mr. Choi (?) in Robinson's Place. It had the funkiest ambiance. The food was a bit over the average, the price was not cheap but not too expensive either (ok lang). I just love it when we eat it out together. Masaya lang. People from work not talking about work. It's refreshing. It feels nice to laugh during weekdays too, as much as I laugh during weekends. Kahit minsan lang.

For dinner, ate at Tokyo Tokyo with the BClub. Went dizzy eating too much sushi and tempura. Kanina, sa Le Ching sa Greenhills, Siopao overload. Tsk, tsk. Sana bukas, Italian naman. :)

WORK-RELATED PROBLEMS

Oh, but who wants to read about my work-problems? Who wants to know I basically want to squish all the fussy donors and all the complicated people I have to deal with? Who wants to know I wish I never see any of them ever again? That I'd rather eat raw worms than go to the office if given the choice? Because worms are much more appetizing than the paperwork I have to deal with. I am so burnt out. I'm not physically tired as I am all wrung out of energy or spirit. That's why I just write, so I could get this out. I don't want to quit my job, I think I like it. But I keep forgetting I do because it stresses me out that even my dreams are full of it. Wah! Shut up! Shut up!

FURTHER COMMENTS ON LAST SUNDAY'S ENTRY

bala ka olivia. yokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokonayokona!!!

SOMETHING HAPPY TO CHEW

Snickers bars! God's gift to overstressed girls like me! Don't care if it goes straight to my hips, I need every bit of leverage I can get to muck through the mess that is this world. So in the end, Olivia's happy. As I've said before: I can save the world one chocolate bar at a time.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Closed Doors

Book in Hand: Maskerade by Terry Pratchett
Song in Mind: Run by Kitchie Nadal


A couple of days back, I was sitting on an unmade bed, overheated and overstressed. And more than that, there was also a weird sensation churning inside my chest. No amount of sporadic coughing could dislodge it. I thought it was my lunch stuck inside there somewhere, blocking an artery or something. Man, I thought I was having a heart attack!

But when I realized what it was, I could've welcomed a heart attack more. No kidding. The realization hit me so hard, I had to gasp. Maybe to make sure that oxygen would reach my brains --- hoping it would activate a defense mechanism which could save me.

God, I can't be. Couldn't be. I refuse to be. I'm not completely stupid, I'm pretty sure, but geez, I could be pretty convincing sometimes.

Technically, I've not yet -- fallen. But so near the edge that the darkness could just slither up one hand to pull me in and I'd be lost. The first time that happened, I didn't know better and I even volunteered for the plunge. Then heaven and hell followed; I just don't think I can handle something like that again, at least for now. When I've resurfaced some time ago, I've closed all the doors and hid the key somewhere. I want to be very, very far from the precipice.

I know it was only a couple of entries ago when I've said I was letting ago of that first, ehrm, mistake. But I've actually admitted defeat years ago. What I let go of was just shadows of what once was hope. Mists of memories and uncalled for and much unrealized dreams. It was just a bit of spring cleaning. Did that soul cleansing set me up for this? Now, I'm wondering whether it's been here all along and it was just waiting for me to let go. But damn if I take the jump. No more freaking way.

Sorry, boy. Yeah, I know stormy days are coming. But the door's closed and you can't come in. Dare you wait in the rain?

Friday, May 20, 2005

Sportsfest Mania Hits PBSP

Book in Hand: Wala! Sobrang Haven't Opened a Book the Whole Week!
Song in Mind: Love Moves in Mysterious Ways ni Nina (Again!)
Word in Mouth: Go! Go BLUE Go!


Ah! Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng talunan. Interesting. :)

Aynaku, it's not as if I I really, really care for the sportsfest. It's just a series of games and it amazes me, amuses me and annoys me to no end that everyone (esp. my team) should be so competitive about it. I've always hated situations wherein people aren't getting along, silly pacifist that I am. I get embarassed everytime my team wanted to assert something. I don't know. Maybe they were just right to fight for their ideas, but man, the ideas they have naman are so funny *way out there*! Biruin mo, ang fun game eh Paint Me A Picture and they want to ask the harassed hosts of the event, bakit daw kailangan mag-freeze kasi gusto nila ipakitang gumagalaw yung mga bagay para maintindihan daw ano ginagawa. Por diyos! Eh, picture nga eh! The point is to creatively portray a situation wherein madaling maintindihan yung gusto nyo'ng ipakita. Naka-freeze ka kailangan, kasi hindi naman Film Me a Movie ang laro. We've been playing this game since kindergarten; it's a pretty simple game. But suddenly, we have to change the rules because now, we're playing it as adults. Hay naku, fun games really aren't much fun when adults play it. They miss the whole point of the exercise.

The chemistry of my team was just finE. I was pretty happy to find out I was in a team where I haven't really interacted with most of the people yet. Time to get to know them, that's what I said. And I had fun with them, true! Nakilala ko tuloy ang iba't ibang klaseng animal sa PBSP. Lahat naman friendly and house-trained (hehe!), but sometimes, there are certain situations (usually stressful moments like in the middle of a game) you get to see their quirky side too. Sample ulit: Sa Paint Me a Picture (favorite ko), we had to show a Delivery Room. So kailangan may buntis. Dapat yung malaki ang tiyan. Excuse me, malaki ang tiyan ko, pero malaki din ang braso ko, ang mukha ko, ang hita ko. Masyadong well-distributed and taba-taba ko, kaya hindi ako mukhang buntis. May iba naman na mas labas ang tiyan, pero well, I'm the too obvious choice. Tapos, kailangan humiga dun sa table made up of 4 guys. They're pretty strong guys naman, tall and well-built. Pero, walang guy in this whole wide universe well-built enough to handle a piece of this momma. Higaan ko ba naman daw sila. 30 seconds lang ang meron kami to plan, I tried arguing my point na masyado ako mabigat, pero sinigawan ako ng " HIGA!" sabay padyak ng paa. Eh di higa! Tapos hold for another 30 seconds. Ayun, tingin ko, may sprain sa gulugod ang mga guys namin afterwards. :) Pero sige, aaminin ko, nag-enjoy din ako. Hyper uber super.

Anyway, after all of this, Last Place pa rin kami sa buong sportsfest. Ang number one ay ang Red Team. Siyempre. Nandun karamihan ng LRO eh. At tsaka lahat ng bibo. Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng magkakakilala na sa team. May chemistry na and may cohesion din. Si Eman, pa lang hyper na. Ehehe, which reminds me, ang galing nung cheering piece nila. May part na Eman and Ian (my two best friends at work) had a spiel na mock kung-fu fighting (actually mejo mahirap maintindihan kung ano talaga ginagawa nila, pero parang away eh). Ang funny! And Ian, the newly-crowned Dancing King of PBSP, had what I would call a solo number in the middle of it. Kasi, siya lang ang tinitingnan ng lahat. Kasi pa-cute siya pag nag-dance! :) Hindi ko na napigilan, I literally rolled on the floor, laughing!

Oh well, that's life. The Sportsfest Week is over. Next week, balik ang concentration ng mga tao sa work. Next year na lang ulit. At sana next year, makapaglaro na ako ng basketball. Sana next year, kumpleto pa rin ang LRO para maka-team ko naman sila. Aba! Kailangan ko muna manalo sa sportsfest bago mag-resign!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --

P.S> CONGRATS TO ANDREA FOR PASSING THE ACCOUNTING BOARD EXAMS (CERTIFIED ACCOUNTANT NA ANG BEST FRIEND KO!!!) Dami kong best friend noh? Pero Chuk, she's one of the originals. Known her na, kinder pa lang. Practically my whole life.

Andrea, hala, soon you'll know the sorry life of a working girl (though I hope you won't). After this, pag hindi ka pa rin niligawan ni Tennnis Guy (or magpakilala man lang siya sayo ), I will personally drag his butt in front of you and demand that he takes you out to dinner!

Saturday, May 14, 2005

giting ang pusod ng bawat hininga

I heard a song by Noel Cabangon today with "Kagampan" somewhere in its title. The lyrics were written in super deep Tagalog that I cannot understand half of the words but it had a superb over-all effect. There's a line there that says: "Gusto kong mabuhay sa lugar na kagampan ng langit at lupa'y mapayapa... at ang buhay ay giting ang pusod ng bawat hininga.."

Niiice. The only time I've ever written Filipino poetry was in high school --- back when I still had to for class. But if I was ever any good, I want to write something just like that. It just has this uplifting effect; I still smile wistfully when I remember those lines.

Also, something hilarious happened to me and Ella today. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks! We had our picture taken, or rather, our portraits drawn by this machine we found in the games arcade. It's similar to those Foto-me booths where you go sit inside and pose for a pic. It took us sometime to figure out how to manipulate the camera ( we kept saying "bakit pang -pandak lang yung camera? sabay luhod--- yun pala, may button lang to push para mag-swivel yung cam upwards and we don't have to crouch in front of the god forsaken thing) and we took our sweet time combing our hair and arranging our clothes (I even arranged my bra inside the booth). Only to find out there's a monitor outside and we had an audience the whole time.

Shame and thunder!!!!

IT WAS pretty difficult to walk away dragging a bit of what dignity was left us. We both were red-faced with embarassment. But well, it's pretty funny, after you get over the fact we put on a show for half a dozen strangers. We were laughing all the way home. Oh, it feels good to be bent-up with hilarity again! We had a bit of souvenir from that brief stint of temporary immaturity(the print out of our portrait, done in sharp pencil sketch - ala Leonardo da Vinci , as the machine claims it is), and it actually looks pretty nice. :)

Had a really, really, good day. Pilantod ankle and all things considered. I think I have the chutzpah to do everything I have to do for next week. I'd be rewarding myself with a trip to Iba, Zambales next Saturday anyway. I'm going snorkeling!! Wahey!

New reviews are up in the GG Theater blog, by the way. Just two there: Finding Neverland and The Amittyville Horror. Check it out if you have the time.

Friday, May 13, 2005

oliviang pilantod

wahaha! tawa na lang ako... kasi kung iiyak ako at pilantod na nga, eh di sobrang wa poise na yun. at least pag namumula mata mo, you can have the grace of walking straight and erect.. para bang sinasabi na -- damn it, I may cry too much, but that's so I can unload my frustrations and walk with dignity pa rin. eh kung ganito, ang labas mo lang ay -- iyaking pilantod. lakad kampanerang kuba.

Had a bit of accident playing basketball last night. I didn't feel the full effect of my sprained ankle until late into the evening. I do walk like the Hunchback of the Notre Dame. I don't know how to thank Ian for driving all the way to Philcoa from our out of the way office just so it'll be easier for me to find a ride. And Eman and Gilda for making me laugh all the way there.

Alam mo, Peloy, dearest, ayaw ko na rin ng drama. Punong-puno na ang utak ko. Ayaw ko ng buhay na mala-telenovela. Kaya nga every single day, I try my best to be Smiley-faced Olivia. Pero minsan lang talaga, hirap mag-smile. Lalo na kung pilantod ka at hindi ka sanay maglakad ng parang magkagalit ang kanan at kaliwang paa mo. Siguro nga, I just have to learn the art of singing out loud to lighten things up, at least inside. Only a few people know that I could get this melodramatic. I guess, those who read my blog knows. Outlet ko lang ito for the dark side of my soul. I fool a lot of people about how I feel most of the time. But you, Peloy, pare, you know better than them. Isang araw, sabay tayong bumulyaw sa mundo, isang kamay hawak mike at yung isa pang kamay hawak tiyan, nakapikit at walang pakialam -- kumakanta.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Spoke Too Soon

Oh dear Lord... when the blues bite ya'r leg, sure won't let go easy.

Today, I just totally broke down. And I don't mean sniffled and wheezed a bit for drama and effect. I bawled my heart out, sucked all my tears out through the ducts and almost spurted it out my ears. I am definitely not okay today.

STill, after my lunch time solo drama in the dorm room of PBSP, I had to assume a certain amount of composure to make it til afternoon. So, I just pushed the emotions out, left myself empty. Empty is a delicious feeling. It just lets you not --- feel. I know I can't make it a habit, which is just too bad, but it's a mechanism that helps me cope now.

Played a bit of basketball this afternoon in preparation for the sports fest and I found out I haven't unlearned my 1.25 in sophomore college P.E. although I am a bit out of shape. I managed to become heavier now (for some reason, I just seem to take to expanding as if I'm the universe heading for implosion), but I can use that as additional anchor when I'm guarding the other players. And I have just proven that my right eye is totally wrecked now. I can't shoot straight anymore, like I used to in college. It's probably right I don't play center anymore. I have to shoot from an angle, usually the left side of the court for the ball to swish right in.

Then I tried table tennis, which made me realize this is one sport I have completely unlearned everything I was taught. I totally suck. So I gave up on it. Story of Olivia's life.

SOmetimes I wonder: if I wasn't fat, I'd probably enjoy sports more. It could've taught me a few things about playing offensive. Or losing.

WOw, see what I end up blabbing about when I'm empty? I'll shut up now. For your sake.

:I

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Some Like It Hot

BUT I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

I'm one of those who just can't wait for summer to be over. The other night, I almost cried with relief and happiness when it rained cats and dogs. Summer heat affects my brains too much and I just- can't - function - properly- at - all. The last few weeks I have been making a lot of mistakes at work. And it all blew up at my face last Monday.

If I get through this SUMMER -- I can get through FREAKING EVERYTHING!

So, thank you for all those who visited my sites during my brief dance with ennui. I'm back now. I think. The moment I feel sad again, inom lang siguro ako ng C2. Uhaw lang yan.

:)

Friday, May 06, 2005

for childhood dreams to return to me

Five seconds ago, while logging into blogger, I was already formulating my thesis statement for today's blogging piece. I actually wanted to discuss Encantadia, Mulawin, Darna, Krystala and the whole slop.... or maybe, more specifically, the Filipino concept of fantasy. And how it's being murdered by teleserye directors, editors, scriptwriters and actors.

But friggin' hello. Like I care. Not tonight. Right now, all I have are empty spaces inside of me. Let the geek goddess discuss her geeky topic some other day. And my Tori Amos soundtrack isn't helping. Tonight, the music is paralyzing me into a static form of ennui. I can't erase it.

I'll tell you a secret. Something I have always been afraid to say aloud, fearing that giving words to it would make it come true. Imagine --- to hex yourself into losing the most important thing you've ever had. But this one's been eating at me and maybe I have to pull at it, draw it out, study it until I know what to do about it. If... I can still do something about it.

I think I'm losing my gift for words. It isn't writer's block though I know that too can last for decades. I wish it was just a simple problem of not having ideas, because then I wouldn't know what I'm missing. But to know the story and not be able to express it... what do I do about that? It's a muteness that has stealthily stolen over my body. Someone's robbed me of my silver pen and the worst thing is --- I think it's an inside job.

That's why I love just sitting here in front of my computer every night. Sometimes I even believe the blank monitor is a sorta friend. So many spaces to fill. And I would sit here, every night I can. Just in case the first few words would return to me. I don't care if it comes to me two phrases at a time.

I will wait until the dreams come back.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Wednesday Weevil

Book in Hand: Tris' Book (Magic Circle Quartet)
Song in Mind: Burn by Tina Arena

It's another Wednesday. Not that I consider knowing that as such a great mental feat that I have to announce it on this blog every single time. I just don't like the consistency of this mid-week blahs. I just don't like being so predictable, even to myself.

But I do love how things have been working out the last few days. A few stuff I'm happy about:

1. Walang pasok nung Monday
2. I'm not so stressed out sa work -- kahit marami pa ring gagawin suddenly okay lang siya... (bakit kaya???) :)
3. Mariel started working yesterday sa Canon --- galing!
4. Andrea seems prepared to take her Board Exams this Saturday.
5. May Choco Flakes ako, uwi ni Ian from Baguio.
6. Mapapanuod ko ang Finding Neverland this weekend, hiramin ko DVD ni kapatid na Ian. Wala na kasi siya sa cinema... :(
7. May bago akong nakilala na bookworm din -- at long last -- a fantasy freak in PBSP!

Tsk, tsk, lucky seven... :) Hope the luck stays with me til the end of the week.

Later days.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Relate ka ba?

Kita ko 'to sa page ni Hanne... she said she was smiling when she read this... And turns out, ako rin... =P

LOVE~ writer unknown
Nakakatawa talaga ang love. Isa siyang napakalaking oxymoron. Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya, baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin. Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw.

Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindiahan mo. Walang rason. Maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin. Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang.

May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati love is only for stupid people. Nakakatawa kasi laude and standing niya, pero dumating and panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon.

Lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang. Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din niya. Lahat ng malalakas na tao, humihina. Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba. Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa.

Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot. Ang malulungkot, sumasaya. Ang matitigas, lumalambot.

Nakakatawa talaga. Lalo na kapag dumating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talagang magmahal. Napansin ko nga eh. Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit. Sabihin mo lang ang magic words na Ayoko na ma-inlove! biglang WACHA! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman.

Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing-galing mo? Pero pag-problema mo na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemag tao? Naiisip mong wala naming mali dun sa mga sinabi mo. Pero bakit parang wala ring tama?

Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh! Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede na ako mamatay. Now na!

At hindi lang yon ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Tapos luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan.

Siya! Bakit niya ako sinaktan? May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon, at pagbabagsak ng pinto. Hayop talaga.Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kasasabi ng mga bagay na nakakatawa pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-uusapan. Ang daming beses ko na kasi siya nakasalubong kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na ako. Pero wala pa rin akong alam. Pero ang pinanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang kapag gusto magpatawa ng tungkol sa pag-ibig, ipusta mo na lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline.

Nakakatawa no?

Nakakaiyak.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Longest Entry Yet

The Happiest People

There sure a lot of weird surveys being conducted today. But out of the weird lot, something nice do come out once in a while. I read in the paper today that in a recent survey called World Values Survey conducted by social scientists all over the world, Filipinos were ranked as the happiest people in Asia, and 6th happiest in the world. Nigeria, Mexico and Venezuela were the top three. =P (The song HAPPY plays over and over in my head)

See, a country doesn't have to be rich to be happy. And it's sort of comforting to know that culturally, we're a happy lot. Lalo na ngayon na sobrang kabanas ang buhay. Grabe na. Everyday, if you just let it bother you, there are a million things to complain about. Hehe, and we Filipinos do complain loud enough. So it's something good to be affirmed that even if we do grumble a lot, we still are basically cheerful. Kahit magtaas na ng magtaas ang gasolina, kahit may VAT, kahit may mga taong tulad ni Erap sa mundo, kahit na kulang pa rin ang sweldo kahit anong promote sayo AT kahit tatlo-tatlo na trabaho mo --- masaya pa rin. Somewhere in the core of of our souls, it takes a lot to shift the balance which makes Pinoys happy. Makes me remember my ultimate favorite line in Desiderata: "With its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it still is a beautiful world."

BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS!

Wargh! Have a lot of books (NOT COMPLAINING) and I don't know which one to start with! 13th month weekend namin sa office and after so many weeks of playing out the Ilocano in my genes (playing the kuripot, in short) I get to splurge again. Last Friday, I dropped by National Bookstore in Crossings Q. Ave. and I scoured the Previously Owned Books Section (P.O.B.). Found a lot of hardbound books, pero parang ang sakit bilhin for 250 bucks kasi hindi ko naman masyadong hinahangad. (++,) Then wonders of wonders, I found Diana Wynne Jone's Dalemark Quartet for 75 bucks apiece lang! And I already have the first book so I only had to buy three. Value for money talaga! Aferwards, I hit Tower Records and bought Nina's Live CD (finally had to own a copy of that song that's stuck in my head) and Tori Amos' The Beekeper (as influenced by Peloy). I love the Nina CD because a lot of my fave songs are in there. And she even sang Burn as a duet with my aherm, I mean, with Christian Bautista. The Tori Amos CD is fabulous as well. I finally hit on that piece of music that's ethereal and earthy at the same time (sige nga, top that!). Ang galing. My personal favorites are: Power of Orange Knickers (woohee! have to get orange knickers, methinks), Sleeps with Butterflies (for the boy with the nice smile whom I got to see today since he serves in the nearby parish we go to), and Ribbons Undone.

Other books in my to-read list includes:
1. The Snow Garden by Christopher Rice
2. The Castle of Llyr by Lloyd Alexander
3. Dreams Underfoot by Charles de Lint
4. A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemmingway
5. The Big Bounce by Elmore Leonard

And I still haven't read Mariel's Magic Circle Quartet, and I'm still dying to read Ursula Le Guin's Roccanon's World.

Aother change I'm feeling particularly liberated about is that I have finally moved out of that phase where I buy books with the mind set that the Book Club will like it. When I do that kasi, I end up buying books I don't even want to read (like hard sci-fi books). I would always be grateful to Norman for breaking down my wall of resistance regarding reading fantasy books ( I was once of those people who thought it juvenile), but unfortunately, I do not share his passion for sci-fi (at least those that are too far into the future and too cluttered with robots and non-humans). And Edward very plainly spoke that he finds my books ma-drama. =D Hehe. I like emotions -- I read with my emotions as well as my senses, and I really don't think I'd like to say sorry for that. I do not want to limit myself in just a couple of genres. Don't worry naman, bookclubbers, I won't be reverting to Danielle Steel or Judith McNaught anytime soon. That's so ten years ago.

And the Book Club is still one of the best things that has ever happened in my geeky life. +D
GEEKS AND PROUD OF IT!!!!!!!

THE NOVEL UNWRIT

Huuwwwayy??? Huwwayy can't I get down to writing my novel??? The story is already complete in my head. Even had a few details about my characters right already. I am so psyched about it, it's probably the best story ever to come to me. But to write it down! Ack! I would need super concentration for that one. It's nice to say that my excuse is that I'm busy at work... which I am. But I still make sure I delineate the line between the office and the other parts of my life and I believe I'm successful at that. A writer writes... that's the thing though. Wherever she is and whatever the occassion, she will find a way, she must find a way to write. In grade school and high school, I wrote instead of studying. And I hate to think that that's about my most prolific year... I have to find a way to be able to practice the art. Must Write. And Must decide which one to write first. SInce I have been suffering from writer's block since the end of my college days, I have a retinue of story lines waiting to come alive. It's really not a matter of what to write, but how and when to write.

POR DIYOS, OLIVIA, ESCRIBIR IMMEDIATAMENTE!

Letting Go

Yes, peeps... this is the event of the century... After years of holding on to false hope... After years of waiting for something that was never coming...After a couple of failed "starting-overs" and "moving ons"...

Liv's Letting Go! Yey! =P

It really doesn't matter now whether there was something there or I have just imagined it. Years of trying to figure it out and I finally have the answer: it's not supposed to make sense ever! Ha! Probably had to go through the whole thing to just learn a few basic things about love. But something bigger, brighter and better must be waiting out there. The difference about my letting go this time is this: God told me to. Yep, in mass today. It was the homily of the priest. You can't force love. It must be something freely given. You can't make it stay if it wants to be gone. And you can't stop it when it has finally come. The day will come.

And with this, I bid everyone, good night!