Thursday, February 28, 2008

Gossip Girl / Gossip Boy

I'm 26 years old and I don't read Gossip Girl. I honestly think it's a Sweet Valley High rehash infused with coke and heroin. I happened to catch it once on cable and I'm shocked to realize that 12 year old girls actually read the book and watch the series. And it's all sex and deception and betrayal.
Well, yeah, maybe I should start wearing granny panties the way I'm talking. But imagine. If this is your reading/watching material at age 11 or so, what kind of point of view would you have about the world? Is it even surprising that high schools in the US are seen as bedeviled?

To clarify, I'm not about to crucify the series or the books. I just am really surprised how fast the younger generation is trying to grow up. And I thought my gen was all hyped up. I'm (almost) sure that I might actuall be a fan if I happened to be 15 years younger. But then again, sneaky girls and horndog boys, maybe not.


Back in 2006, I did a review for the movie The Covenant and mentioned that all the actors in the movie were talentless but unusually hot. I also foretold none of them will be famous anytime soon. Well, 2 years ain't soon, that's sure, but Chace Crawford who was in that movie is now the next "it" boy of Hollywood TV because of the Gossip Girl series. But again, watching him that once confirmed I still am not wrong about the talent-thing. The only viable reason why he can (almost) act competently is because it's not such a stretch to act alpha-hot-boy for him. Again, he's just blindingly cute and a lot of people will probably decide to not see a lot of other things instead.

Why act when you can just be hot?
Just ask Paris Hilton. She would agree.

Wala na ko Boses!

Isang araw pa lang yung training na pinapadaloy ko at wala na ako halos boses! I should've asked Daddy to let me in on how to keep my voice even after talking sooooo much.

But want to know a secret? I like my voice better when it's hoarse like this. At least I don't sound like my usual chipmunk self. I think I sing better when I sound like this too.

Oh and did I say I loooove CRTD? They have wi-fi access and so even if I'm in the middle of hectares and hectares of rice fields, I could still blog! Ahlooooveeeet!

Gotta go. I have to rush tomorrow's training design. I still have no idea how to run it. Hehe, winger forever talaga ang prinsesa nyo. :P Churi.

Monday, February 25, 2008

People Sketches

people of the imagined universe


Her face is scrunched. Lips small and constantly puckered. If a face can make itself look smaller than itself without changing the dimensions, she has achieved it.

"Conserve! Save!" her constant battle cry. Keep our portions small, she said. Do not use too much TP. Wipe your lips at the barest edge of the white linen table napkin. Be mindful you do not overstep any boundaries.

I wonder about her sometimes. Would she ever know the expansiveness of earth? Would she be able to grasp the immensity of the universe? Will she ever find herself standing under the night sky marveling at the stars? How, I wonder? If all she could do is hunch, hold herself in a small tight ball, trying to consume as little space as possible...

Jane, I want to live. And I will leave a mark as heavily as I could. Won't you try it?


A mouse. His face has dainty features, miniature and tidy. His teeth gleaming and shining like a rodent. But note that he's a gay mouse, in both sense of the word. He's also a bit touched in the head.

"Queers Don't Fear!" he likes to scream from his rooftop, above the tin patched roofs of the impoverished people living nearby. He shouts at the sky, fists held aloft, his eyes seething with passion. Then he'll make a gaily dance -- a gay-ish dance-- still atop the roof. Scrambling, teetottering, mad.

I think about him sometimes. Who is he shouting at?

The heavens who he could blame for his problems?
The world who cannot understand him?
Or at himself whom he needs to infuse bravado into?


Little boy blue, sat on a shoe, waiting for a girl whoe needs a rescue...

He likes them small and delicate. Like lilies, he said. Like tulips that are about to open to the world of wonders. And he'll be there to show her. He'll be there to cover her and protect her from the elements. Her slanted eyes will look up to him and he'll see himself reflected in there. Only him.

And so he does not see my giant hands as pretty. My cow-ish bulk is ungraceful. I am a sunflower, fiercely pursuing the light. Never quiet. Never delicate. An oddity-- in his eyes. A mangirl. Oh how I hate him sometimes.


Born lucky under auspicious moons and stars of a far-off Jupiter. Ajudged pretty because of her porcelain skin and slanted eyes. Found smart because she can count money forward and backward. Oh, and she is a thief of men's hearts.

Lucky Susan never needed a man. Her comfort was in the company of women. Sustained and nourished by women's hands, guided and tutored under women's wisdom, she holds men in contempt.

The sadistic bastards, I am a misogynist in reverse, she mutters.

Pretty Susan, may I introduce you to Daniel? Help me change his mind. Sneer all you want.

No, don't kill him.

Just make him mine.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Showbiz Sunday

During a noon time show today, Heart Evangelista celebratd her birthday by singing a non-descript song with 2 other gorgeous but non-descript non-singers. Afterwards, she gave the usual flutter-a-lashes when she was given a bouquet of roses and a cake to blow. She made sure she mentioned all her endorsements : this shampoo, that sanitary liner, this CP provider, etc... then her parents, her friends. Then lastly, her sweetheart and her dog. Glad to know where Jericho stands in her life. A little above the dog. A guy could only be so lucky.

How can a mediocre singer and actor be so hot? I can't help but smile whenever he's on tv. Hay. Papa Sam. You're not perfect, but I'll take you.

Have you noticed how effortless it is for her to hit those high notes? Peborit ko talaga siya. Galing galing!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Sadness is...

waiting for her life to make the old sounds it used to have.

Any time now, the house, which used to be so full of people will reverbrate and crash once more with the yapping of dogs, snatches of conversations, laughter, the banging of pots...

Any minute now, her father will come up the stairs and ask her to type his mid-term exam due tomorrow.

Any second now, the whisper of her mother's feet as she scuffles around the master's bedroom will alert her that she's in her puttering mood again.

Any moment now, her life will start moving again. The cogs and wheels momentarily held in time will creak and sputter to life.

Hold it... hold it...

She sits in her chair, writing down her thoughts, asking herself what sadness is, trying to remember the old music she used to hum along with.

It never comes.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Three Things Today (T3)

Three Good Things I'm Thankful For

3. A project donor has momentarily stopped bothering me about their stupid camp, canceling an ocular we were supposed to do today.
2. I'm done liquidating my cash advance (you don't know the hell it can be)
1. I'm meeting up with my sister for dinner in Makati.

Three Naughty Things I'v Done Today

3. Put my cellphone on "accept limited calls mode." Only 12 people are in the allowed list.
2. Peeked at my Friendster account using the office computer.
1. Tried to pry open a cabinet in the office pantry which houses books from th old Book Exchange Club of PBSP.... oh and yeah, I used a steel ruler.

Three Things That Cracked Me Up

3. My officemate, Joy, just came from Disneyland Hongkong. Ian, who was there 2 years ago, very excitedly and loudly asked her if she got to ride Winnie-the-Pooh. Ian riding Winnie-the-Pooh was just too hilarious an image not to ROFL. Well --- I guess you had to be there.
2. Gabe, my 4-year-old cousin, telling me in an old-man tone, "Hay naku, ang gulo talaga ng mind mo, Olive..." when I couldn't decide between Chicken McNuggets and Filet O'Fish in Mcdonald's.
1. While standing around talking to our pregnant officemate, Ian started messing around by bumping me repeatedly with his tummy. When I finally asked him what the heck he was doing, he replied by saying in a little-boy voice, "Tummy bump, tummy bump!"

The f-ck?! ROFLAGFB!!! (oh and for those who need a translation, read: rolling on the floor laughing and gasping for breath)

Three Useless Facts I Have Learned

3. Einstein invented a type of refrigerator that failed to sell in the market.
2. Zwyieg is an actual word. It is a Proper noun for a town in Poland.
1. Elvis is actually, very, dead.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Long-hair Blues

It's been a year and a half since I last cut my hair. I know it sounds a tad bit silly that I refused to let a scissor come near my tresses for the last few months. It's only because I wanted to cut it after Mummy's first death anniversary. Some sort of grieving ritual I held on to because I needed something tangible to do. Not cutting my hair was logical for me. But now, it's over and I have no excuse not to cut my hair anymore.

Thing is, I kinda learned to love my hair this way. It feels more feminine, and I have stopped stressing about my wavy locks. So what if it's not straight? A friend of mine described it as mala-dyosa hair (which could either mean it's pretty or I look like a taga-bundok). And with my hair longer, it lessened the tendency to look like Hagrid because its sheer weight keeps it down.

Though I did get a trim today. And to celebrate the newfound freedom I feel --- a hot oil as well. Hehe.

But long my hair shall stay. This I like I realized. Say you agree?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

CDO-Camiguin Trip

The girls and I, we were able to snatch piso fare plane tickets to Cagayan de Oro this coming March. I've been to CDO and am only faintly impressed with its claim to be a thrilling, adventuresome place. When vacationing, I don't like stressing myself out, thus lots of climbing and ziplining isn't exactly my cup of tea. Boring na kung boring, but relaxing it ain't.

So, I'm actually looking at it with less excitement than the others. Basta ako, magbababad ako sa beach sa Camiguin. That's gonna be enough for me. The water and me, together again. Love the sea.

Now, where do I get my budget, I wonder?

Saturday, February 16, 2008


I really have nothing to say today, but I'm killing time in Bicol and surfing has always been a good time murderer. Maybve I could share with you that I'm reading this absolutely funny book written by AJ Jacobs and it's called "The KNow-it-All". He's this guy who undertook reading the complete Encylcopaedia Britannica. Yes. The Encyclopedia. Britannica. Uh-huh.

Upon opening the book, you'll think it's a mini-encyclopedia in itself... which it is, I suppose. Except that this time, the relevant facts are being shared to you in a hilarious mode. Facts had never been as interesting as this.

Did you know that Descartes had a big passion for cross-eyed women? Did you know that the Encyclopedia Britannica (in it's 11th edition) described the natives of the Philippines as "Physical weaklings.. with large, clumsy feet..."? Did you know that your regular abalone has 5 rectums? That's a new take on "Up yours..."

You could say, "Which one?"

Read it, read it... it's worth the Php 700 bucks. I bought my copy in Fully Booked SM North The Block. Grab the last copy, now!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Something Nasty This Way Comes

Mistake Number 1

Bringing a 4-year-old to watch a dark movie with the world's nastiest imagined creatures in it. Gabe was wide-eyed with fear during most of the faerie-human encounters. So scared was he, that he scrambled unto my lap and hid his face in my chest. God, I think I traumatized the kid.

But it turned out alright. He loved the flying Griffin part, and the fact that the good kids won the day. It didn't stop him from whispering fiercely to me to ask though, "That won't happen to us, right?" Scarred for life, that kid. And it's all my fault.

Oh, and do you want to know what my answer was? I said, "No, we don't live there."

Doh! Channeling Tara Reid!

My goodness, whatever shall I say if he asks how babies are made?

Mistake Number 2

Imagining the goblins wouldn't be so frightful. Well, I was only half-mistaken because they weren't exceptionally scary. But they were definitely Eeeeew-y.


Mistake Number 3

Feeding an over excited child who just came from a very excitable movie (for kids anyway). One mention of the goblin spit, and --- wooow!

Hiroshima in TRINOMA. Puked 'em!


Jumpy, Ain't It?

A travelogue, at best. :P I mean it! They showed the most fantastic places on earth, and true to the tag line, they showed us anywhere, anything, instantly.

But an Oscar it shall not achieve, of course. The movie dragged during some parts, especially when they were trying to emphasize that David (Hayden Christiansen) can go clubbing in London one moment, and then surfing in Fiji the next. Oh and yeah, he could dry off in Egypt too. Sci-fi it was supposed to be, but I haven't seen any other story that blurs the line between fantasy and science like this. Which is actually a good thing. I keep thinking, the book must be fantastic. It would capture the theory better. And I wish i wrote it first. All good though.

What isn't good is --- Rachel Bilson as a waitress-love interest. Surprise, surprise! The girl is sweet, and acts sweet and talks sweet, and gives me a toothache. I'm just not buying the whole googly-eye act. And while I'm at it, I urge you to congratulate Hayden for managing to add 2 more expressions while acting: lovesick and i'm-trying-to-look-sarcastic, whereas before (note Star Wars), he just looked always 1) confused and 2) intensely confused.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, and I actually wanted to watch it in the first place. It helped that the premiere tickets were free as well (c/o of Ian's aunt). So I really don't have a lot of beef against it. It was light, not much thinking necessary and perfect for winding up a hectic day. You just relax watching the movie.... and to what proved to be a fantastic concept of wanting to jump through time as well yourself; therefore "Jumper" jokes cannot be helped afterwards.

I.e. Eman made, let's see, 5 references to wanting to Jump around Greenbelt 5 and 4 and 3... causing Sem to roll her eyes, like, 10 times. Oh, and yeah, I wanted to jump through time too when we saw our Executive Director malling with his wife and me not being able to surpress my squeal (yes, a squeal, a piggely-diggely freakin' squeal) of surprise.

Like, I'm not here, Goddammit. If I disappeared just in time, he'll probably think Ian squealed. Not me. Coz I'm not there. I'll be home.

Oh, yeah, which would've saved me the hassle of waiting for 30 minutes before a cab agreed to bring me to Monumento. Freak. I detest not having a car. Or a love-slave I could call during odd hours of the night to pick me up and bring me home.

Oh and yeah. Happy Valentine's Day, one and all.

Not like it's a real holiday. I'd sooner celebrate St. Agubus' feast day. He's the patron saint of fortune-tellers. So he signifies the future. As opposed to St. Valentine's who is the patron saint of lovers, and thus, of disappointment. The way I see it only, of course.

:P Hahah! PEACE, man.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Things Olivia is Wondering About

1. I wonder how it feels like to be a real girl. I mean, one of those delicate creatures often viewed as precious by boys. I know I'm far from fragile-looking, and most of the time, it has its advantages. I do work hard on giving off the impression that I'm capable (oh the things they do not know!) and able to take care of myself (nearly decapitating myself twice must not count). But how would it feel like to be taken care of by someone other than one's father? You know, that same fussing over, concern, and insistence to see I'll be alright. Must be nice. ( My feminist CD professor might scalp me alive by saying this, but really, honestly, I wonder.)

2. I wonder if people treat me the way I treat them. I had the impression that I'm the type to bend over backwards for other people. Not that I'm expecting kindness in return, but, it baffles me why things I was brought up to be mindful of seems to escape other people. Maybe I'm not really as kind as I thought I was. Maybe it's just pre-programming. Or maybe what I am is selfish --- turned 180 degrees, but rooted in self-centeredness still. If you do much, it isn't good to expect much, right? It's all that selflessness thingy. But why are we being taught to do unto others what you want others to do unto you, when in reality you just end up doing and doing and doing and getting crap in return. This Christian thing, it's hard. Note to self: must improve selflessness.

3. A lot of people carrying flowers and balloons and stuffed toys today, it being a proverbial commercial holiday. I wonder how it feels to be wooed that way? I wonder how it feels to be wooed at all. Like, for normal people, I mean. We have different courting rituals in Jupiter, hence my inability to mix well with earthling men.

4. I wonder if there's a way to know if the soul of a loved one went to heaven or someplace else.

5. I wonder how many years will I last, floating this way.

6. I wonder why am I such a sad little Pooh-Bear today...

Must be the hanging habagat.

I'm worried how it has now become my whole world and I'm still not good at it.

I think I make Clueless look like an intelligent movie.

I throw the word around like tennis balls on metamphetamines.

What do I know of it?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Bride dies during marriage first dance

Come see this Love Story:;_ylt=AoJd8CoQz5GwzUy6.DXd6x1H2ocA

I can't think of anything sadder, but at the same time, a part of me feels it's bittersweet. At least she found him, that love of her life, or what was left of it. She married him, she danced with him. But even if they will never be man and wife for more than a few hours, she died with the certainty she was loved by a man.

I hate to be this melomushymatic so near V-day. But there's 2 things.

1. Literally, a year would have passed by on V-day, but I still hurt missing my Mummy. I was hoping to be busy that day, but as it turns out, fate had other plans. I was hoping fate would carry me along. I was supposed to go to Bicol. I feel guilty --- a part of me wanted to be far away from home where there's a possibility that I could forget the death anniversary. I almost succeeded, I think. But when my boss gave me the option to stay, I couldn't imagine not taking it because if I don't, I know I would feel like I'm some monster who could be so unfeeling about our final "babang luksa." How that is worse than to want to be unfeeling, I don't know.

Do you know the universe I live in now? Do you really know? Maybe not. It is a world without my parents. I've tried so hard to buffer myself up, but what it really is goes like this: I am navigating the world without protection, bare, stripped of purpose, praying the wind would push me where I should go next.

Do you know how miserable that world is? Maybe. Maybe not.

2. Loneliness -- it sucks. What sucks more is to find out that the man you love has a date on Valentine's Day, and no, it's not you. Some office mate of his, this girl who answers the phone for a living.

Love. Maybe I don't love him. Maybe I just pinned my hopes on him for lack (0r loss) of other places I have pinned it on before. I'm a smart girl (or so I like to think), I know I am not loved in return. I don't want to sound so stupid about this, but I know I deserve to be treated better. I know I should be fawned upon. I deserve much more. Why it doesn't seem to register to others, it's beyond me. :p

Oh, I joke. Yeah, even when a heart is breaking, you could still laugh, can't you?

I should be so lucky to be 36 years old and dying in the arms of the man I married for love. It would have meant I found him, that I spent a whole courtship with him, loved him, stood in front of the altar, blessed by God, cut the freaky white cake, let loose those poor doves, drank the fizzy wine, (and this is where the chinks in my heart give in), danced one last time with my father, kissed my mother again, and then danced with my husband.

We all should be lucky to die so happy.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Dat Phan Kinda Scary

Book in Hand: The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
Song in Mind: Unchained Melody... haha!

Stand-Up comedy, they say it's a confidence thing. Umm, yeah... that's why I never did it. I suck at confidence things.

Those who've seen me deliver speeches and facilitate trainings will probably say I'm lying. But I know it's true because I feel that I'm actually going against the grain everytime I force myself to lay bare my whole self in front of a live audience. And performing (wether it is a speech or stand-uo) is an art, and as an art, must bear an ounce of truth. And the only truth one can be sure of is what one personally knows is true and this is what you offer as a fitting sacrifice. They say the more you do it, the less painful it gets; but I suppose they haven't seen that by going against the grain, I'm probably mostly granulated inside.

Another proof is that they say swimming is also a confidence thing. And yes, you know it ---- I cannot swim even to save my own grandmother (good thing they're safely tucked six feet under good trusty ol' soil now).

Another confidence thing I couldn't get the hang of --- singing with a microphone. I usually sing softly, to myself, and save the heavy belting and trilling for church. And hey, a lot of people say I don't sound bad. But shove a mic in front of me and it's automatic --- I will sing off key. I get so nervous I couldn't hear the notes. It's probably drowned by the sound of all my blood rushing to my head. Good thing I haven't suffered aneurysm yet for all that karaoke singing.

Lastly, they say Love is also a confidence game. You just have to project yourself loveable so as to be loved. I have no problem believing I'm lovable, hey, I'm a regular sweetykins. The thing is, I don't believe I'm attractive enough to make anyone stay long enough to realize I'm lovable. That's the problem.

Aw Gawd, how did I get here? I meant to weave Dat Phan into this entry, hence the stand-up comedy lead-in. I've been watching Last Comic Standing re-runs and I am amazed by this guy. He's kinda cute too. Short, but cute. Oh, and yeah, intense in that scary kind of way.

But to talk about love? Again? May I just request the Cupids flitting to and fro to spare me this year's arrow? Geez, let me go already. It sucks in your country anyway.


Talking about Dat Phan, it's ironic how he can be such a laugh on-stage and be this overtly serious, driven person off stage. Reminds me of a story I wrote for a Humanities class in college. It's about a professional laugher (you know, the ones who record the laugh tracks in those gag shows) who does not laugh off-duty. A Germanic type of guy who prefers to take life seriously. But he does make good laughter.

So, in the story, he was hired for a million dollars to laugh under a bridge where the body of the woman the client loved was thrown to after she was raped and murdered. Logic is, as a kid, he couldn't defy their oppresors. But now, he can oppose the long-dead villains by laughing at their ghosts' faces, under that bridge. And since he couldn't laugh without crying hot painful tears, he hired our laugher to do it fo him instead.

Don't know if it's any good, I only got a 1.5 for the paper and I thought I would get a flat 1. I was kind of crazy back then and took the unwanted extra 0.5 as a pronouncement that the story ain't goin' anywhere at all.

Oh well.

As a wriitng exercise though it wrung the bejeezus out of me. I cried while writing the climax. I remember the searing emotions which were so intense, it was scary.

Yes, it was Dat Phan kinda scary.

Monday, February 04, 2008

What's Been Up

Nope, haven't postmaturely hibernated. Just had been really busy the last 2 weeks. Here's a snapshotof my life the past few days...

During PBSP's 38th Annual Membership Meeting

Saw ate Beth again!

At sabi ko na nga ba, Ian and Eman wanna get it on.

BDAY Celebration at my house

Yes, they're always crazy like that. L-R: Jeni, Ian, Tertz, Ava& Marcelle

Caught red-handed: Raffi and Sem digging into the crabs.

Eman, marami pa sa harap mo, don't take Bing's!

Ian, bahay mo ba 'to?

Tertz, you can try next time.

In Bicol
Cagsawa shot --- yep, it's still there!

Haha, virgin pa nga ako, kasi they say Mayon can only be seen full by virgin eyes. W!

Liked this small resto in Legazpi.

Met Gilda! This is her small business in Naga... Sells CDs!

Mwah! Missed her lots!