Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Things Olivia is Wondering About

1. I wonder how it feels like to be a real girl. I mean, one of those delicate creatures often viewed as precious by boys. I know I'm far from fragile-looking, and most of the time, it has its advantages. I do work hard on giving off the impression that I'm capable (oh the things they do not know!) and able to take care of myself (nearly decapitating myself twice must not count). But how would it feel like to be taken care of by someone other than one's father? You know, that same fussing over, concern, and insistence to see I'll be alright. Must be nice. ( My feminist CD professor might scalp me alive by saying this, but really, honestly, I wonder.)

2. I wonder if people treat me the way I treat them. I had the impression that I'm the type to bend over backwards for other people. Not that I'm expecting kindness in return, but, it baffles me why things I was brought up to be mindful of seems to escape other people. Maybe I'm not really as kind as I thought I was. Maybe it's just pre-programming. Or maybe what I am is selfish --- turned 180 degrees, but rooted in self-centeredness still. If you do much, it isn't good to expect much, right? It's all that selflessness thingy. But why are we being taught to do unto others what you want others to do unto you, when in reality you just end up doing and doing and doing and getting crap in return. This Christian thing, it's hard. Note to self: must improve selflessness.

3. A lot of people carrying flowers and balloons and stuffed toys today, it being a proverbial commercial holiday. I wonder how it feels to be wooed that way? I wonder how it feels to be wooed at all. Like, for normal people, I mean. We have different courting rituals in Jupiter, hence my inability to mix well with earthling men.

4. I wonder if there's a way to know if the soul of a loved one went to heaven or someplace else.

5. I wonder how many years will I last, floating this way.

6. I wonder why am I such a sad little Pooh-Bear today...

Must be the hanging habagat.

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