Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Sleep to Wake

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To live the life I truly want, I close my eyes.

To awake into my life I sleep.

Conjecture the Singularity

Now I find out Matt's been married since April this year.

What?? He couldn't even wait for me to get my act together? Hay. What is with all these marrying and hurrying anyway? Is there some one time special promo giving out licenses that I haven't heard about? I don't get it. How could anyone be getting married at this point? What kind of life would they have lived to get there fairly faster than most? By most I mean of course, me.

Yes, I could just be such an immature clod that I wouldn't know love if it hits me on the nose. All those years I have ranted against commitment phobic guys, it's starting to dawn on me that it takes one to know one.

I keep making up other reasons why I'm nowhere near the proverbial mark yet and all of them sounds silly to me.


1) I'm a genius (hurrah!) for finding out a way to pathologically incise out all romantic inclinations for any type of gender (which is not likely, seeing I still lose my breath when I stare at Matt and a dastardly mushy ditty with the words stars and moon and dreams in it keeps playing in my head while I oggle)

2) I don't like messy feelings --- Shooo! Go away, I'd be in love another day. Maybe when I'm not myself anymore.

3) I am as attractive as a cow-spotted Zimmerin uber couch in an industrial setting (all those thin girls around -- I swear they must be made from machines nowadays)

4) I just don't fit in (which of course could be taken as another pun on my weight issues) (weight issues my arse, honesty is the best policy and I meant obesity-issue)

5) Nobody's figured me out yet --- jewel in the rough and all that slough they feed unattached girls nowadays. Why couldn't I just be pretty the way I am?

6) I keep a pretty good disguise as all-around harmless ditz that absolutely no one takes me seriously.

7) I'm not looking.

8) I've already passed him by and I didn't look.

9) I'm too smart / weird / silly / nice / bad / brown / cute / sweet / bitter / insane OR
I smell like old socks / granma's knickers / peaches after they've gone rotten / (fill in description here)

10) The kid's probably not legal yet.

Take the oddest reason of the whole lot and that's probably it, then. Probably. But seeing I have time on my hands, I can keep conjecturing still. ;)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

In the Darkness Shining

Book in Hand: Sunshine by Robin McKinley
Song in Mind: "dum dee dum... because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk... because of you I learned to stay on the same side so I won't get hurt..."

Do I sound uppity today? At all?

Just when I thought I made it through the blasted STEP-UP event which just devoured two whole weeks of my life and probably decreased my life span by seven years, another humongous problem comes my way again. Barely ten hours after the conclusion of the darn thing.

A darkness in conscience. That's what this new problem brings about. So quite desperately, I'm trying to keep my eyes on the faint light I see at the end of my tunnel. Hoping, hoping I won't lose my faith and fall into avarice.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

HP 4

Book in Hand: 24 short stories by willa cather
Song in Mind: a monotonous droning

I admit, the Harry Potter movies are now to be considered capitalistic ventures out to earn the big millions from the enthralled masses. And it's one capitalistic venture I visibly indulge in. That is, as long as they can keep me hooked.

As of HP 3 I am already having difficulties accepting the film interpretation of the book. And as Harry's world gets darker, I find myself more hesitant to indulge in it. I read HP for the sake of being young again. Not anymore.

HP 4 was definitely not 100% faithful to the book. Grabe, there were scenes that left my mouth hanging open and I was spouting "B-b-but... it didn't happen that way!"

I'm not sure what pushed the director's vision, and I guess I'm just being catankerous. But if a person watches the film without reading the book, they wouldn't understand the story at all! And to those who did read the whole lot of Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire would be just as disapointed as I am because some of the greatest scenes were actually not included in the film. I was hoping to see more of the Quidditch World Cup, I wanted to see Dobby (a little) and I just cannot accept that Neville Longbottom was used to be the "gilly-weed delivery boy" instead. That was just a little too blatant for me. And the Ron-Hermione spat-romance was a little too hurried as well.

I don't know. I can see in my head the scenes I would choose if I were the director. This is the truly last book where Harry would ever be visibly happy until the defeat of Voldemort or himself. I was hoping to see that glimmering of hope before it all too quickly disappears with the resurrection of the dark lord. The story was ungraciously cut at weird stages of the story, and only my familiarity with the book saw me through the whole thing.

I guess it's a ploy to encourage those who aren't really into reading the books to buy a copy of the volume just to bloody understand what the movie was all about. :)

And yet, here I am --- hooked to the very core. I am irked that I do not have the money to buy a copy of the Half-Blood Prince yet and I just cannot, really cannot wait for the last book to come out.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Stuck in Two Worlds

What's the best way to become unstuck when you're caught between two worlds? I swear I'm not living my life right today... I keep schmoozing off to La-la Land. I have a story brewing inside my head for the past few days and there's nothing more I'd like to do than plop myself in front of my compuer and just write it.

So, you ask, why can't I?

Well, there's the small matter of having to work. Hay. Real writers out there will say Boo You! If you want to write then just do it. Writers write. Wannabes whine.

Even my ideas aren't so original. I'm doing an anthology nowadays. I called the collection "We Who Have Fallen Asleep" and it covers various states and tales of sleeping and waking. Even allegorical ones.

I commend Yoshimoto for the idea, but these would be composed of short stories the ideas of which germinated from those already told by Tolkien, Berg, Black, de Maupussant, de Lint, and various other authors who make my (imaginary) life so much more exciting than it actually is.
In truth, there are no new stories, just new ways of telling it. So I'm trying my hand at that.

The first story in the anthology is a modern faery tale. Note the different way faery was spelled... this isn't going to be "Cinderella rehashed". I just wish I can write it already. Get this lazy fingers to work.

And who to play the Knight? Aherm... note pic below. That's the GUY. (sigh...)
And who to play the heroine? Aherm. *blush* Me? Kung okay lang naman sa kanya.

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I swear, sometimes I can still be in high school rather than the 23-year-old-geek that I am. :)
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Monday, November 14, 2005

All Fall Down

Book in Hand: The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexndra McCall Smith
Song in Mind: Maling Akala

Everything in my life is disintegrating....

Most of our appliances at home are staging a coup and are quite happy breaking down one by one - now we have 2 TV sets for repair, 3 electric fans,our PLDT phone line, our water tank plus the pump...

Our househelp needs to go back home for a month because her sister is dying. And she needs mucho dinero which we do not know how to provide.

Mummy just got final notices from her credit card companies who are now threatening to sue us if we do not pay our accounts which would cost us about P 400,000 all in all. If we had that kind of money, we wouldn't be using the cards. And half of the blasted amount was their interest. We only owe them about 250K which we can handle, but their finance fees are insane and inhumane.

Work is hell, as per usual.

But okay. There are good things.

I rested well this weekend.

My family as of this morning are all well.

I'm not feeling specially inclined to commit suicide.

Not yet.

Life goes on, you just have to trudge through shit, that's all. Sooner or later, shit decomposes and it'll fertilize the soil and flowers will grow. :)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Honky Tonks

Your Brain's Pattern
Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.
What Pattern Is Your Brain?

It means, I'm just freaking insane. have constant comic strips running through my brain. or storylines that never get written.

Your Inner Child Is Sad
You're a very sensitive soul.You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.
How Is Your Inner Child?

Translation: Autistic

Friday, November 04, 2005


Book in Hand: Reviewing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire





The curse of the Sisterhood of the Ice Cream Cone is about to be lifted... from them.

Me? I'm happy standing right here at the bleachers cheering them on. Truly, honestly. That is, at least for now. Me? Get married anytime soon? I can't even be cool with the idea of having a boyfriend. Yuck. Having to get all musshy and squishy with a person you absolutely have no way of monitoring his personal hygienic process.



Wednesday, November 02, 2005

You Can Smell it in the Air

Book in Hand: Game of Thrones by George Martin
Song in Mind: Dastardly Pinoy Big Brother Theme Song --- Getitoffame!!!

It's all at SM... we've got it all for you...

Theme Song of the Universal Capitalist. Music to the ear of the unwitting Consumer. Hay. Christmas is in the air! Can you feel it? SM does make sure you at least have an idea it's coming. With what all the shimmery ornaments they make sure they put up two days before even Halloween is over. And all the people are looking around, swarming about, touching the glittering stuff they have on display but completely unable to buy anything they want.

E-VAT be damned! From an economist's point of view, the additional tax seems rational -- even logical. But that self same economist must be a father or a mother too, a daughter or a son to a family that needs to be fed. In the country right now, we couldn't handle the E VAT. Money is the mother lode of most problems in the country and here they are asking for more taxes. IF we had a good government system, this thing will work. IF we had honest politicians who make sure the money goes to where it is intended, it will most definitely work. But we don't have any of these. We don't have any freaking reliable politician in the whole of this 7,ooo islands. Unfortunately, we were the ones who voted for these dicks. We bought their stuff on display just like we do in SM.

Shit Mart this is. You can smell it in the air.


Okay, this rant MAY have been brought about by the fact that I am completely broke right now. Back in February, I was so smarmy that I was planning to buy my gifts by October and have it finished before Samhain. Sure thing.

Unless I rob a bank today, I won't even be able to afford a decent pair of socks for my best friend. Lotsa bullocks my plans were.


At least I'm rested. That's what I've been doing the last few days over the Halloween break. I go back to work tomorrow and although I'm not happy about it, I am completely game for it. I HAD to go back sooner. If I want to keep it.


I need help. I keep buying all these books and I am pretty sure I won't have the time to read it anyway. I actually have shown some constraint already, putting back books I know I can never read but would like to buy for the sake of showing it off on my book shelf. This is the reason why I am almost always broke. What little money I have left after giving my part to the house (credit cards not even my own, electricity, telephone bills, oh please... don't let me get started) goes down the drain because I'll see a book I like.

I'm just as bad as the rest of the world.

I'm a book fiend. ANd it's not nice anymore.