Saturday, April 30, 2005

Ribbons Undone

Book in Hand: Stone Angels
Song in Mind: Ribbons Undone by Tori Amos
Word in Mouth: Long Weekend!!!

she's a girl / rising from a shell / running to spring /
It is her time / Watch her / With Ribbons Undone /
She's a rose / in a Lily's cloak / she can hide her charms /
It is her right / there will be time / to chase the sun /
with Ribbons undone /

Without the Ribbons

Maybe I'm lucky to be able to relate the lines above to my childhood. It must mean I had a happy childhood. Which I did, I really did. Problem with a happy childhood is that it's so dang hard to leave! And I hold on too hard and for too long. :) That's how it probably would be for the rest of my life. So, my daydreams of becoming a self-contained, graceful, reserved, Ms. Perfect Manners would probably never come true. I like being clumsy, and irrepressible, and silly and yes, even, sablay, too much.

Late-Night Psychologizing

Last night, my sister and I bonded well into the night... talking about our depressing love lives. I like nights like that, when we were both relaxed and good-humored and talking about the most nonsensical things ... like (see depressing phrase above) :) She's into a guy who is so sablay and gulo. I'm into a guy who's exactly the opposite. Thing is, I'm the sablay and gulo one and she's the practical, logical one and we probably had our guy's mixed up, kaya we're having such a hard time out of it! Haha!

What I liked best about last night is I was reaffirmed that I have made wrong decisions in the past. Was looking too low when I could've watched someone with wings take my breath away. Or something dramatic to that effect. Pareho kami ma-drama, guess it runs in the family. And now that I have the heart to see again, after years of having blind-sided my own self in fear of ... well, I don't know exactly, it just might be too late. I did tell her about my new interest who reminds me of childhood dreams and carefree nights. I was acting a bit childish, me wanting to shoo the feeling and the memory of the boy away... because I've convinced myself there'll be no good end to it... as per usual. But as an eternal optimist and daydreamer... how do I stop asking, how do I keep myself from believing that there might be a "What If" somewhere in my story and it's worth taking a chance on?

Liv's Fairytale

Every girl has her own impossible story in her head, the way things are supposed to go. I have my own. But so far, have not had much luck in stuff coming true. People say that fairy stories aren't true. Some days I'm inclined to finally agree with them. But most days, there is no accounting for the conviction I feel that if fairytales did not exist, then I would've perished years ago. There must be something out there that's keeping me alive. Stories must come from somewhere real and human.

Love is A Decision You Make

I have a good friend who went through a lot recently. She lost someone she loved for most of her life. And the loss made her think and rethink a lot of things about life and love. She told me the other day, that Love is a Decision You Make. I've always thought it was a feeling that creeps into your heart, taking you by surprise. But when she said that, I realized that there's credit in her theory. It is the opportunities that steals into your life without advance announcement, but once you see the glimmer of it, it is in your hands whether you go for it or not. I like talking with her. See, I could've lived my entire life forgetting that it is a choice (if you care to remember, olivia), and Fate could only do so much for me.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Something Good (?)

Tsk, tsk. Livvy, do you remember the last time you were taken in by a good smile?
D'you remember what happened next?? Now that you DO remember, you can't possibly be thinking of letting yourself go through all that again. Except of course if you've gone completely masochistic. And you can't have any distractions right now, y'know. And he's just probably as immature as you are and that would never ever work out. And he talks weird. And... and... I better find more reasons because I'm running out of it and forgetting "the why i should not" is so much harder everytime I remember him smiling.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Something New

I made a new blog for some of the pics I took during the Photography Workshop. When you guys have the time, be sure to check it out. =D

I'll be in Laguna for an office assessment workshop the next couple of days so I expect I won't be able to update for a while. I'd be spending my time away from civilization for the time being.

Later days!

Saturday, April 23, 2005


Ahahaha... I won a photography contest today. It's just a small contest amongst the other participants of the Workshop I took. You have to understand that I absolutely have no formal training on photography whatsoever and it kind of shows in my work. I took the training to help me "See New Ways" of taking pictures. To win first prize was a shocker. =D

I hope you bear with me. It's a first for me in this field, and I don't know if I'll ever win anything like it ever again. The other participants, my workmates, actually submitted better pictures (in my opinion). Their photos were fab -- clear, poignant, dramatic, romantic, shows technique.... but I guess the pic I took made them laugh. And that's probably why I won. The emotional tug of laughter is surprisingly buoyant and that's probably what they remembered. Of course, I'm just using "headology" here. I so wanted to pass another pic which I thought was a bit more artistic, a bit more professional...hehe, but the judges were not technical professional photographers so I went for the emotion rather than the technique. Guess it worked.

The shot was taken at Boardwalk near Manila Hotel. I chatted with the kids for a while before I started taking the pictures. And this is the best of that series.

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The one below is a framing shot, the opportunity of which came to me as an accident.

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And another personal favorite -- the kids in the shot below were hesitant to have their pictures taken at first. Had to win them over by chatting with them. I was taken aback when Jem (the boy on the right) told me, "taong grasa" lang kami!" But later on, when I showed them the pic through the digicam's LCD, he innocently remarked, "Ay, pogi pala ako??" =D

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Saturday Fun Machine

Book in Hand: Castles of Britain - a Photo Journal
Song in Mind: One Good Day Coming Up!
Words in Mouth: Manong, pwede ko kayo kunan ng picture?

And she thought she'd never make it. She thought she won't survive... and at the very last minute when she thought she was about to implode --- she realized she could still take a breath. And another. Then another. Before she knew it -- it's Saturday! Yey!


The Potable Water Project I have to present yesterday went just fine. It could've been better, but I did my best and the donor seemed to be okay with what I have presented. I have no idea how I managed to split myself into the number of bodies I needed to do all the work that needed to be done. But somehow I've pulled through! Here's my week in hindsight:

Monday - Training Assessment Presentation / Workshop to teachers of As-is Elementary School in Bauan, Batangas (whole day)

Tuesday - Preparation for PLDT School Building Project in Malabon MOA singing on Thursday / Preparation for Materials Development Training on Saturday

Wednesday - Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings

Thursday - Attended Photography Workshop / Provided office support for PLDT MOA signing / shot pics in Binondo for Photog Assignment

Friday - Attended Photography Workshop/ Presented 3-yr Potable Water Project Concept to Mercury Drug / Shot pics in INtramuros and Baywalk area

Saturday - Attend Photography Workshop / Edit my Work for Photo Synthesis of "Manila" / Facilitate Materials Development Training Workshop in the afternoon

Whew! And all that I did with just Php 800 in my pocket. =P With all these done (or almost done) I can say -- Liv, that's one week of challenges well-faced. *pat on the back*

Hey, I have to be nice to myself too, once in a while.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Book in Hand: Woman who Roars Like a Man by Tamora Pierce (lent by Mariel)
Song in Mind: Can this be Love (sorry, but the radio keeps playing it)
Word in Mouth: Sniff, sniff

Energy reserves? Specimen # 14586 tagged Olivia is all out of that.

Have cold, will sneeze. Have headache, will squint all day. Have loads of work, will work til I get fever and officially have reason not to work. Also suffering from Instantaneous Unnecessary Numbers Recall Syndrome. This only happens when I'm very very sick and I can't control the right part of my brain anymore. Numbers keep firing at will...sometime with a few letters mixed in. Most of it seems to be car plate numbers and phone numbers I have somehow encountered in the past. Recognize any of these?

TFX 302, UBG 878, 99-14586, 09175393001, 3675778, 09192068210, TMP 234, 777-8080, 45% of 756, Php 1,948.67, 6388637 ....

I could go on you know. These numbers flash through my brain without any real tangible reason. They make sense, but not at the moment I'm remembering them. Hah.

I'm taking Photography Workshop starting tomorrow and will last til Saturday. Just have to find a way to attend that three-day training and do all the work I absolutely have to do before Friday. How do i do that? Beats me too. Probably will get there anyway.

Ah, Wednesdays. I hate them. Ironically though, I was born on a Wednesday. And Wednesday's child is full of woe. At least according to that popular nursery rhyme. Can't figure out why we can't be those who are blythe and bony. Probably because we aren't. AT least internally. You'd be surprised if you meet me... I look like a regular smiling blubber. But when I do introspect, that's when the woe is unleashed -- full time. =P

Believe it or not.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Never Past the Size of Dreaming

Book in Hand: Legends by several fantasy authors


Last night in Gilmore Girls, there was a line there that really made me laugh. A guy was trying to hit on Lorelei and she made a quip and made him laugh. He was dork enough to say,

"Oh she's funny. She's pretty but she's funny. Tell me, were you a fat kid? Because there were studies that says most pretty girls aren't funny because they didn't need to be."

Or something along that line. Haha. What a hoot. But the dork's probably right. What's it to me anyway? Okay, I'm chunky but I don't think people find me as funny. I think people see me more as -- harmless. So moving on...


When a friend recently asked me about my past love life, I gave him the standard answer: Nope, never had any.

But this one is persistent. He's just fallen in love with somebody and probably wanted to share the feeling with anyone. The way it goes when you're in love and you just want the whole damn world to be just as happy as you are. He said there must be somebody in the past I really, really, really liked. I pretended to be stupid and asked, "You mean like in a former life or something?" He's not one to give up though. He wanted something a little more recent, like within this lifetime. So, I gave him another standard answer:

When I was four, I was in love with little Ricky Martin in the boy band Menudo. When I was ten I blush everytime someone mentions Michael J. Fox's name. When I was twelve, I was in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Jonathan Brandis and Prince William all at the same time. But Mariel was also in love with William so I had to keep that one to myself. When I was thirteen I swore I will marry Stephen Gately. But it turned out he was gay. First year college, had a crush on a guy who I now think of as brash and aggressive and noisy. After that, there was Joseph and I made a pact with God that I'd be as good as Mother Mary if He'd just grant me that particular Joseph. Then there was a Ryan, a guy from the Central Student Council, there was this good friend from BA who won me over because he wa so nice but, well, that one had a girlfriend, and I just sorta liked him not in that romantic kinda way after all...

I could've gone on and on, but he held up a hand and asked..."No, the one you really loved. As in really fell in love with. Heart and soul? Did you ever have that?"

That's when I realized I was blabbing like an idiot about all those peripherals, skirting the main issue. And all I could mutter was. "Oh, that kinda love. Uhm, no."

Then I choked because I never was good at swallowing lies.


Eh. I sealed my fate when I was just a kid. I was the sort of little girl who believed in the castles, princes, dragons, fairies, witches, magic, the extraordinary...

But since my life turned out to be so ordinary after all, it broke something and I just had to have my books, my portkeys to other worlds. And now, no matter how old I grow up to be I can always return to that world where there was something extraordinary about just being able to exist. In coming back, I get to see how magical ordinary days could be if I just knew how to look at it. It's good exercise. Keeps the soul intact. Although of course, not everyone could take too much of that amongst my friends it seems.

I try my best not to be melodramatic, y'know. Hay. God, am I still harping on about that? Sige na nga, I'll be honest. A good friend kasi called the books I lend them as "ma-drama". I was not aware of this. To me, they just felt like really good books. Not exemplary, but if you do love to read, any book with a good story will do, or so I assumed. I was just so afraid he meant that I was ma-drama too. BUT the mere fact that I'm still carrying on as if I'm a wounded soldier must say something about how right he was. Pasensya na. Pinanganak lang akong ma-drama. =D Comes with the territory of being the weird person I am. It's just that in my head, I have fashioned so many stories all of which must involve some human drama or else they won't be interesting. Siguro kasi i think stories for books must be a bit exagg sometimes for it to read like real life. Baka lang sometimes I can't separate my stories from my life. Or I could just be really weird. =D And another thing that I can't shake off is that a friend lets his mother read the books I lend him. Ack. Now I'd probably censor every book I let him borrow. Deceit? Nope. Sex? God, no. A bit of a kissing scene, but it soon talks about metal alloys afterwards so that's okay. Blood? Nope. Anything bothersome at all? A struggle? A fight? Anything that suggests anything bad? Nope. Nope. Nope. Okay. It's probably safe to let him borrow my Sweet Valley Kids series.


Friday, April 15, 2005

Loose Ends

Economics of Living

I almost can't believe that I managed to stretch my Php 500 to last me one whole week! And that's inclusive of commuting fare and office lunches. If five hundred bucks is enough for me for a week, I'd still have 80% of my monthly salary for savings. But why the hell don't I have any? I'm a lousy spender, I am. About 60% goes to my family, and the rest I spend on books.

This summer it would have to be different though. I want to give 90% to my parents because they both didn't get summer classes this year. And even that wouldn't be enough for the household expenses. Anyway, I'll just get enough to last me every two weeks... meaning just a thousand bucks. Wow! If I can make it through this summer with just that... I'd be so proud of myself!

And after this summer, I could keep on doing this and save a lot! The thing is, the most important factor I have to resist is the impulse to buy more books. Arggh, books! How am I to exist without them for too long????

Confessions of a Human Sofa

I was brought to the realization that I miss our old couch back when I was about six years old. It was this old, ratty-looking soft couch that uncomplainingly accepted the abuse I've inflicted on it. The thing I liked about it is that no matter how much I jump on it or punch it, it'll never leave any proof that my Mum could see. It was a fun and understanding couch. =P Now, the one we have is made of wood. You won't believe how careful you have to be not to leave any cuts or marks on it. Also, it's definitely not soft. It hurts my back when I stay on it for too long. But my parents bought it because it looks nicer in the living room.

I miss that old couch. I'm so much like it.

No kidding.

The other day, a workmate deliberately chose to sit next to me because he wanted somewhere soft to lean on -- and that is of course, my pillow-like shoulders and arms. It hit me that this had been the story of my life for the last twenty three years. For most of my friends -- boys and girls alike. Which brought me to another realization, guys actually see me as a piece of furniture. Wow! I'm a bit literal about this but hey, look at it closely. I'm the old ratty-loking couch, comfortable and soft. That sort of answers an earlier rant I posted about why I'm still obviously single. Everybody wants that sleeker, more designer-looking couch. It's discomfitting as hell but hey, it sure is purty! Thing is, at the end of the day, everybody misses the old, ratty-looking comfortable couch. By the time they do though, it's probably fallen to pieces already. =D Oh, woe.

End of Days

Yesteray, a rumor spread in town that the Philippines would be experiencing an earthquake which would destroy half the country. At exactly 5:00 p.m.

WoW! They can even tell the time of the Apocalypse now, huh? =P

It's so funny because I was reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy where the story started twelve minutes before the destruction of Earth. I felt like ARthur Dent.

Of course, there was no earthquake at all. I'm still typing, ain't I? But In case it does sometime soon, let me just say: the answer to life, the universe and everything isn't love, peace or the number 42.

It's chocolate.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Oleander Days

Book in Hand: Rereading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Planet
by Douglas Adams (in preparation for the movie!)
Song in Mind: Love moves in mysterious ways by Nina
Word in Mouth: Payong, please????

Ever read the book White Oleander? Somehow, because of that book I now relate the flower with madness. And today is an Oleander Day.

I'm going stark raving mad with the summer heat!

Just came from a groundbreaking ceremony for a two-storey six classroom school building project in Taguig. Had to run around assisting the donors and the teachers in the laying the time capsule and shoveling of sand for photo ops.... under the sun. And my whole system is overheated rendering me more dysfunctional than I ever was. Good grief.

I don't even want to eat anymore, I just want to drink lots of liquid. That's probably a good thing except that I get even crazier without something solid to gestate. So it's a double Oleander day. All carbon-based life forms beware!

Okay, on a more serious note, I'm really loaded with work this week. There's this water project thingy I have to let fly sometime soon and it's driving me insane (making me thrice crazy) because nothing is going right. Ang kulit kulit kulit kulit pa nung donor. I can't blame them that much (konti lang), because ang kupad kupad kupad naman nung kausap namin sa government. Pag-uuntugin ko na ulo nila. Hay.

Can't wait for the weekend. I'm reading that deliciously thick book Norman lent me. I'm going to totally immerse myself in those fantasy worlds where the makulit and the makupad does not exist. So I'm an escapist, sue me. I am the citizen of a dozen countries all of which exists in my head; a million multiverse still yet to be explored. I do everything I could for this world, just don't take away the countless others I inhabit.

On yet another note, a friend disclosed his love life to me yesterday, and it was the kind of love story that I've read about in books. The kind that has never really happened yet in my little world. It made me kinda wonder... "Teka, teka, teka, bakit nga ba, up to now... kahit sino sa girl friends ko wala pang ganung story?" I've asked this some hundred times before, when we were in college. Pero, college was three years ago. Why it never happens to me, I can probably explain to a certain extent, but to all of my high school barkada save for one? That's kinda amusing. Or eerie. Or portentuous? Huh.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A Fish In Japan

And this one is totally amusing: this gurl probably had lots of free time to take all those pics (ever wondered how the fifth wheel of your swivel chair looks like???) and then post it on her blog...

A Fish In Japan

crazy but cute.

The Cocktail Sermons

Check out:
The Cocktail Sermons

Pretty cool pontifications from a NY Guy.


Book in Hand: The Magic Circle
Song in Mind: Still A Sorta Fairytale (the song just plan stuck in my head! Argh!)
Word in Mouth: Dubwash and Dubbins (coz I just couldn't say Damn out loud)

I'm not feeling great today. I'm a bit dizzy and I can't keep my eyes focused on the computer monitor. And I don't feel like praising my work today. It's one of those times I'd rather be anywhere but here. I'd rather be home and vegetating. Daddy doesn't have summer classes this year and I'm back to commuting the two-hour long travel from home to work. This morning, had to ride two jitneys all the way to work... haha! My face felt stiff with layers of dust when I got to the office. Not pretty.

Hay. I wish we were rich. If we were, I could have my own car. And I don't have to work at all! And I could take my masterals and my doctorals and use that as an excuse not to work! Ha! I'll just write all day and watch TV all night. I'll read all the books I want and I could travel anywhere I want. But then again, what kind of person would I be if I had it easy my whole life? Arrgh. I hate that I know I'd probably be some lump of clay with no self-worth if I had everything my way. Challenges build character! %#!# I'd just sooner wish that it wasn't true.

Yeah, okay. I'm probably a fiber stronger than those who had it easy all their life then. That's the up-side. Just have to remember it, and that isn't easy. Oh, I have a better image in mind pala:

Paris Hilton in the TV Show Simple Plan. Pretty, loaded, adored, but much bored out of her wits as well.

So I might not have it so bad after all.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

A Sorta Fairytale

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and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

A Note on British Monarchy

Hehe, Prince Charles married Camilla Parker-Bowles. People are asking if this is the end of Monarchy. What I think (although of course, the Brits don't give a dingdong about what I think) is that they don't have to end -- they just have to change. Would it ever come to the point that Prince William could marry a woman with not a smudge of royal blood in her genes and not belonging to the Church of England? If that happens, guess who'd be on the first flight to London? =D Just another improbability, that idea. The monarchy just really depends on keeping their traditions because that's where they get the respect of the people. They don't really have much authority anymore, and except for being the Guardians of History and Guardians of their Faith (sounds lovely doesn't it?), people hardly rely on their decisions anymore. They give importance to the monarchy's decisions, but it would have to be backed by Parliament as well. Oh well, I don't know. I'm not a scholar on the British Monarchy or any kind of royalty for that matter.

Just a note on successions:
Succession is regulated by the Act of Settlement, defining that only Protestant descendants of Princess Sophia - the Electress of Hanover and and granddaughter of King James I - are eligible to succeed. Roman Catholics or those married to Roman Catholics are automatically excluded.

There are actually five successors to the throne that have excluded themselves from succeeding the throne by becoming or marrying a Roman Catholic. Huh.

And here's a very good article why there needs to be a monarchy, at least in Britain: see

Permission to Shine

Book in Hand: Legends (lent by Norman)
Song in Mind: Tell the World of His Love (heard it in Mass earlier)
Word in Mouth: twicenight (heard it from somewhere and I hope it means two nights)

Basta, 'yaw ko na ng drama. I've got lot's of WOOT to read and I'm basically content. Though, kanina, kinanta sa Church yung Tell the World of His Love and I bawled my head off again. Reminded me kasi of some past promises I made to myself. Galing talaga, songs really do have the power to move us back in time.
Funny thing, I was browsing through some of my friend's blog and I saw Peloy's latest entry. Just song lyrics from a Bachelor Girl's song entitled "Permission to Shine." That shut me up real good from my earlier ranting. Here's some of the lines there: (I have no idea how it actually sounds like but the lyrics hits the spot right on.)

Intro: Permission to Shine
by Bachelor Girl

Hey, what would you say
If I can't play the hero tonight
Cos lately I've been feelin' likeI can't get anything right

I've been fading into the woodwork again
And I'm feelin' like I just wanna hide
But guess what
I'm gonna try something just a little bit different this time

I'm gonna give myself permission to shine
I'm gonna shine so bright
Gonna make every head wanna turn
You're finally gonna see me
Give myself permission to shine
Gonna light up the night
Shine a little of my light on the world

I've been crazy
I've been holdin' myself back for so long
But I've got so much I can give
Don't wanna be afraid to be wrong
You know I'm not too good at too many things
But I've been gettin' real good at gettin' down on myself
But guess what
I'm gonna try to break free from this prison I"ve built

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Wag Basahin Pag Ayaw ng Drama

Book in Hand: The Sea King's Daughter by Barbara Michaels
Song in Mind: A Sorta Fairytale by Tori Amos (Peloy helped me remember the title!!!! )
Word in Mouth: Woot! (Short for: Wow! Loot! - Thanks Edward for my word of the day)

D'you ever get that weird state of emotions when you're happy but you're not? Ack. Not a good way to be, but it happens to the best of us. Hay.

I should be happy. Yesterday, I spent the whole day with my sister and friends from work in a resort. I swam for three hours. I reveled in feeling the water surround me like a silken robe. I had a great time. But then on the way home, Pope JP2's funeral was being aired on the bus tv set and that sobered me up a bit.

Today, I spent the whole evening with my best geeky friends and we talked about books and movies and other standard geeky stuff for hours. We met in Powerbooks GB but brought our own books to exchange with each other. Norman said we brought more books in than what we brought out. After eating, we browsed around the arcade a bit. I even want to try the arcade games next time; it looked fun when Edward and Peloy played. I might even do the Dance Revo... My point is -- I love their company. They are good, responsible friends and no one could do better than that. I look forward to Book Club Saturdays because I enjoy their company. But I feel like I'm always "sablay" around them. I can't always follow their conversations and the moment I do get it --- they've changed topics already.

Come to think of it... I'm always sablay any given time. I just wish God could help me achieve five minutes of having done the right thing, hitting the right punchline, saying the appropriate words. Why can't I be as brilliant as I hear people could be, or as witty, and smart? Why can't I just be interesting for at least three minutes? I'm too old for an identity crisis. I've convinced myself I've already found out who Olivia is. But the girl I thought I was is still and might always just be the girl I thought I could be. I'm just a second rate version of myself. Because the all original version Olivia I know is patient and kind, capable and brave. I don't know this silly, nonsensical, bimbo-esque girl taking over all the time now.
And another thing....

Hearts heal, right?

I can't live this way forever. It's taking too damned long to recuperate. O baka naman healing is just another legend and it's just about finding the next best thing after the heart annihilates itself?

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Summer Sistah

Book in Hand: The Horse and His Boy (Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis)
Song in Mind: Shut up by Simple Plan
Word in Mouth: It's Okay

I took a test measuring my English proficiency today and I didn't get a perfect score. Fine by me, I'm not an English language scholar. But what bothered me was that the other examinees were English teachers from small universities and colleges in Metro Manila and their scores were mortifying. Hala, what are they teaching their students then? More than that, a lot of them were already old and ang yayabang nila. Pinapagalitan pa nila yung speaker sa harap. Pilipit naman mag-English. "Why is it that you are lecturing us on modules and not on lesson plans? We are here because we are new to this and we want to know how to do." - sabi ni Mr. Procopio who insisted on being called Dean Rivera. (Dean KA??????) Super enunciation si Sir. Natalo pa si Miriam Santiago. Bakit ba ang daming Pinoy na akala ang sukatan ng pananalita ng Ingles ay ang galing ng pag-emphasize nila sa mga consonants? Let me spell out how the above phrase sounded when he was speaking it, "Huwway eees ehtth zzzaat ewe arrr leK-chu-ring as onn mo-julssss and nottt onnn lesssson plannnssss?" He sounded like he came from Planet Zzzork.

Wag na kasing magkunwari. Okay lang naman na hindi magaling mag-Ingles ang isang Pinoy. Basta ba hindi mayabang. At umaamin na kailangan nyang matuto.

Anyway, tomorrow company outing namin!! Wheee! Marunong din naman kaming mag-unwind. I'm bringing my sister with me. She needs the sun on her skin anyway. Yes... I'll wear a swimsuit. Bakit ba? =p Alangan namang mag-denim jacket ako. Yun nga lang, don't dare take pictures or you won't know what flattened you. ha!

And on Saturday, the Book Club will be meeting again. It's Norman's turn to organize it! Which reminds me I have to return his books and I have to ask him which ones he'd be borrowing from me this time. Mariel is lending me some books already. I have no idea what to lend Peloy... and I'm also wondering if he still finds time to read books with his super enhanced Editor-in-Chief schedule... hehe.

Oh which reminds me... I applied as a writer in Peloy's magazine and I just completed the first couple of reviews for the next issue. Peloy's too nice and he says the drafts just need a little tweaking. Hay, pasensya na pare, I think it'll still be some time before I could submit print-ready articles. But I do promise to always try my best.

I rarely print my stuff... best reason why is for fear of criticism as described in my blog some time last week. I did print some articles when I was in grade school and high school, but I had my student council position to hide behind in (i.e. had to do it eh, I was asked eh, sige subukan mo sabihing pangit isusulat kita sa noisy girls (hehe, just kidding!)). I let people read my poems and books and some think na I'm comfortable doing that. But I don't know -- I've always felt like I'm exposing a part of me to possible pain everytime I do that. Ang hirap gawin, pero kailangan eh. Kung pwede nga lang hindi ko na ipabasa kahit kanino. Pero pag ganoon, pointless ang pagiging writer. You're here to describe life or what comes close to it so that other people can recognize it. Words could change a life. *shrug* There's this philosophy to do what hurts the most until it no longer hurts (revised from Mother Teresa's give until it no longer hurts). And I try to practice that. There's no other way I could improve if I don't let people criticize what I do. Wala lang, share ko lang.

Monday, April 04, 2005

A Day for Mourning

Book in Hand: Rereading the Gift by Patrick O'Leary
Song in Mind: The Prayer

It's not really a simple day at all. When I heard that the Pope is dead, I have to admit that something was definitely missing. Something good has gone from this earth and one could actually feel it. Blame it on magical thinking, but I really expected the world to shake when he died. And as it turns out, it did, yesterday, here in Manila. More than that though, I was expecting a choir of angels to announce to all the faithful that a saintly man was received lovingly by his Creator. But of course, that's just me and my delusions.

I may not have a right, but I do feel I've lost someone connected to me somehow. Or my soul.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Sabi mo eh!

Book in Hand: Renaissance Faire as edited by Andre Norton and Jean Farbes
Song in Mind: HAri ng Sablay (Pasensya ka na, madali lang ako mataranta! Me! So me!)
Word in Mouth: Too sick to open my mouth

Whoopeee! Congratulate me! I met someone who knew a girl I knew in high school. This girl knew me back during those days when I was into writing "young love" stories. (Eeeewww... Olivia tries to fight against the instinctive selective amnesia that is threatening her memories -- okay, Liv, you are adult enough now to accept that --- you were completely insane when you were doing that). Anyway, this someone I knew who knew that girl from high school divulged to me yesterday that the latter told her something. That I wrote stories daw nga. And that she thought they were pathetic stories. Her words were "Yucky! Just plain trash!" daw. Well, excuse me for breathing.

First instinct was of course, "#!#@!**#* niya! Bakit, nabasa ba niya? Teka, noon ba marunong na siyang magbasa?!" Anak ni Jolibeeng nanganak ng manok! Classmates at close friends ko lang nagbasa noon. At tsaka, hindi ko ginawa para sa kanya yon. Para kay ____ yon at kay ___, na kahit ano babasahin basta Backstreet Boys at Boyzone ang leading men.

But after five minutes of near asphyxiation and deeper introspection.... aaminin ko. Corny talaga. Lalo na kung ngayon ko babasahin. Tumatayo na nga balahibo ko everytime naalala ko na crush ko si Stephen Gately. Naging bida ko rin noon si Nick Carter para naman sa mga classmates kung may crush sa kanya. Si Ronan Keating din. Tapos dun sa mga books na yun, may mga ano pa...ah eh.. basta... yun na yun. WHolesome yung stories, pinakamalala na yung may naghalikan sa beach, dampian ng labi sa pisngi (eh malay ko ba paano i-describe ang french kissing... hanggang ngayon nga eh tanga pa rin eh).

So, my point is, comment assimilated. I think I just flared up by the way it was relayed to me. I could take constructive criticisms, ako pa? I'm always the first to say if I think I could do better. There could've been a better way to say that what I wrote totally sucked. But not everyone could be a Mother Theresa. Sa akin lang, please understand na lang na all my childhood energies were focused on those books. I'm not Ernest Hemmingway... and I'm still learning. I'll be good someday. Or my life is forfeit.

Tsaka I understand na I got it through chismis, and I don't think I'll carry a lifetime grudge just because I heard something from someone.

But still, this is for you -- girl from the past. Thanks ha? You reminded me of how flawed I could be. You helped me see how I could improve things.

And by the way? Sana nagpa-reconstructive surgery ka na ng ilong mo. Pango ka kasi.
Bwehehe! =P