Spoke Too Soon

Oh dear Lord... when the blues bite ya'r leg, sure won't let go easy.

Today, I just totally broke down. And I don't mean sniffled and wheezed a bit for drama and effect. I bawled my heart out, sucked all my tears out through the ducts and almost spurted it out my ears. I am definitely not okay today.

STill, after my lunch time solo drama in the dorm room of PBSP, I had to assume a certain amount of composure to make it til afternoon. So, I just pushed the emotions out, left myself empty. Empty is a delicious feeling. It just lets you not --- feel. I know I can't make it a habit, which is just too bad, but it's a mechanism that helps me cope now.

Played a bit of basketball this afternoon in preparation for the sports fest and I found out I haven't unlearned my 1.25 in sophomore college P.E. although I am a bit out of shape. I managed to become heavier now (for some reason, I just seem to take to expanding as if I'm the universe heading for implosion), but I can use that as additional anchor when I'm guarding the other players. And I have just proven that my right eye is totally wrecked now. I can't shoot straight anymore, like I used to in college. It's probably right I don't play center anymore. I have to shoot from an angle, usually the left side of the court for the ball to swish right in.

Then I tried table tennis, which made me realize this is one sport I have completely unlearned everything I was taught. I totally suck. So I gave up on it. Story of Olivia's life.

SOmetimes I wonder: if I wasn't fat, I'd probably enjoy sports more. It could've taught me a few things about playing offensive. Or losing.

WOw, see what I end up blabbing about when I'm empty? I'll shut up now. For your sake.

:I

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