We lose things along the way.
Sometimes they are just things --- trivial stuff that often send us careening towards the deep end. Misplaced keys, a favorite book, the clasp of an earring, IDs, the remote control.... you've been there. These lost things will get us digging under bed covers, inside the car, all your bags, the sink, the toilet bowl and finally, the trash can. There are times when we find it, lucky you. But sometimes, we don't.
Imagine then if we were conscious of losing the big things. And I don't mean just people --- losing loved ones are always pretty obvious. I'm talking about the small big things, like how it felt when you first rode the bike, or completed your first HomeEc project on your own, or even the first time you baked cookies that didn't have goo in the center. And how about the smaller things than that? Like how it felt when you drank calamnsi juice your Mommy made you every day after school. The last times I drank Calamansi juice was two days before I brought my Mommy to the hospital. After that, never since then.
And finally, how about that forgotten feeling of being on a swing? That's been longer. I was probably in high school; I often sit there while waiting for my sister so we can go home together. But then, life springs up chances for you and all you have to do is take it. When I saw the makeshift swing in front of the beach villa we rented in Matabungkay, I smiled. How cute, I said.
I didn't even know I missed it until I sat on it again when I figured it was a good way to dry off after dipping in the sea. And when I let go, I let out a big happy squeal. Remember that sinking feeling inside your tummy? When gravity and motion messes up your orientation and you secretly fear the tree branch will break because you might be too heavy (well, in my case, that's not just a fear, it's reality). Then there's the wind whipping at your face and your ponytail flies to you mouth and you find yourself eating your own hair?
And of course, there's that freedom. The reminsicing of kinder days when getting on the swing was a treat in itself.
I didn't even know I lost it. I didn't even know I forgot.
It was a gift I'm glad I found again. And in honour of finding this one small big thing, I promise myself I will try to recapture the others. See my initial list:
1. Ride on a seesaw. I don't care if i have to put 50 kids on the other end just so my end will hold up. I have to do it.
2. Eat dirty ice cream while sitting on the street curb.
3. Go to a sari-sari store and discover what my Php 20 can buy me.
4. See how many Tootsie Rolls will fit my mouth and then try to chew (yeah, yeah, diabetic, but only once, my gosh!)
5. Play with a yoyo.
6. Buy pretty stationery and NOT write on it at all.
7. Grow my own Kiss family (baka kasi manganganak talaga)
8. Play Cops and Robbers again.
Not bad, eh? It's a start. :)
I hope they all make me feel like this again: