Today's my last day as Communications Officer of PBSP. Tomorrow morning, instead of ambling towards the spacious first floor office, I have to go up to Calvary with my busted knee. Tomorrow, I'll be Senior Training Officer of the Luzon Regional Operations and I'll be sitting on my cramped desk with 3-months of backlog to catch up with. I think today's my last day of being a well-adjusted, sane human being. Oh, and for the same pay as I'm getting, if I might add.
To say I'm scared shite of the stress and amount of work I'd be facing back in Operations is to say the least. But the thing is, if it's the price I have to pay to remain a viable asset to the development field, so be it. In terms of tools in the shed, I want to be sharp. My niche has always been as a frontliner. I need to be where the action is --- NOT because I like it, but because I need to be forced into participating in life. I learn so much more from traveling and meeting people. Nothing could equate to the dynamics you get from engaging with a community as opposed to just sitting down and observing so you have something to write about. I don't want to just report the action, I want to be part of the cause for it. Put me in the backburner, like FAU, then I lose interest in life altogether. I float, get stuck in endless ennui and I probably would degenerate.
I'm leaving the ideal job: stress-free, seasonal cramp-times, work equal to the pay, nice, chatty people who can actually have the time to discuss the weather with you. But, I just keep in mind I'm taking a job which would lead me to the Olivia I've long envisioned: a capable, engaged and engaging person whose very life and passion lies in development.
Your life gets a very short fuse when you engage in LRO, literally. Countless people have been burnt out, me being one of them in the past. It's a rockstar life, really. You live for short years but you do explosive things. Stuff that would make other people scratch their heads and say in amazement, "You really did that?" The difference is, you don't get worshipped much as Bono would, nor would you receive a super rockstar's equivalent pay, BUT I miss the feel of Passion driving you forward. I miss being aware that what you're doing is making a direct impact to people. Sure, the stress makes you want to jump off a tall building tomorrow, but today, TODAY you make a difference.
And isn't that what ROCKSTARS are all about?