Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Yeah, So?

The gay, the fat, and the ugly...

These are the new addition to the socially-marginalized sectors. I, at least, can vouch for the fat one part. I grew up fat. I was, am, probably will be huge for the rest of my life. I have come to accept my peace with this, and I'm not even going to say some lame excuse about faulty genes or hereditary bullshit. I AM FAT, and I can turn you into a pancake any hot minute I damn want.

We're looked upon as pathetic & undisciplined porkers who ought to pay double everytime we ride public transportation. We can be just as large and looming as any basketball player, but no, they will probably get free rides in comparison.

And the verbal harassment --- my god. What kicks do they get from saying "Balyena" or Tambok" out loud? They can just be riding past me on a bicycle and as if some godforsaken force eats them inside and they won't be able to pedal one inch more if they don't spit out "Bigatin!"
And public transportation ---- whenever I ride buses with seats that still has handles on them? Which would've been fine if the seats weren't made for Nippon midgets? Yeah, those ones. Some people have the nerve to give you the evil eye when they won't fit on the seats. Sure, it is highly inconvenient for them. But God has given you freedom of choice --- Choose another goddamn seat!

They don't give this much heckling to huge men, do they? No, some of it, are only given to fat-assed women such as myself.

I used to ride at the back of public FX because it's roomier. Although your feet will cramp and your lower back will scream Nancy after a two hour ride home. With my recent scoliosis, I need to ride in the middle nowadays. Out of my desire to keep things fair, I do pay double sometimes when I feel like the present configuration won't fit four in the middle (ie. me, lean man, thin woman, thin boy vs. me, thin girl, fat guy, medium guy). But do they have to be as rude as saying "Buti naman" or "Wag ka na sumiksik, hindi na kasya butiki diyan."

And just yesterday, I crossed paths with Jessica Soho at Shangrila Plaza, and we genuinely smiled at each other. I mean, she's not the president, but she's accomplished. I know how hard it is to have a job on tv and not fit in the paper dolls category. Then some asshole behind her ruined the moment by sniggering and saying "Idol!" The wit astounds me. Yes, she is Idol material. You and your witticisms are not, I bet gerbils wouldn't even look up to you even if you're dangling frood from your nostrils. Penguins will eat you because they eat shit.

Often times I see white hot flames engorging me, but some times I just see gray --- the dull, smoky nothing of hopelessness that society would ever get over their discriminatory impulses.
Sometimes I just want to scream back that I'd rather be fat than stupid as most of the hecklers are, or compute my GWA in front of those who look at me as some undisciplined shmuck (how the hell would I graduate as a fuckin' _____ if I was undisciplined with myself as you are with your tongue?)

I have battle scars growing up fat and I have developed tools to deal with it. Writing is one of them. I am proud of my scars and I am proud of my weapons. The only difference is that I a have moved on from being domicile and hurting introvertly into someone who would actually cream some mean ass. I will whip you and let my dogs lick you off the pavement. All your teeth will fall of and that's would be just the start of it.

So sticks and stones may hurt bones, but words will never hurt me... but believe you me, it would be a world of pain for the next one who pushes me off the edge.

Be wary.

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