Sunday, July 29, 2007

I wish I knew what inspired me to open the laptop and connect to the net in the first place. Now that I am facing the keyboard, topics elude me all of a sudden. But the first rule about writing is you just plow through it. if I wait for inspiration to strike again, it'll probably take me half a century before I start. And that's the best of my chances already.

What's stopping my flow is fear. I am sure of that. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. For the last few months after my parents death, people we owe money to left us alone. Now, it seems they think its safe to remind us of our obligations again. The woman my parents owed money from when they were still alive is asking if we can partially pay her back. She needs it because she's applying for work outside the country. And the hospital where Mummy died is tired of waiting for PCSO and is now clamoring for us to pay the bill instead. We're talking about a couple hundred thousands here.

Now, we're not expecting big money from SSS, but from the looks of it, it would just be enough to pay them off. I was hopin we'll still have a substantial amount to see us settled comfortably until next year. By then, we'd have bigger savings and I will not live in fear of poverty. But then again, if we pay all our debts off by August, we won't have to worry about anything else in the future. I'm sure Ella and I will manage if we remain living simply.

Lord, I am not asking for vast riches and glory. I am quite willing to leave our well-to-do past in the past. I just want to live simply and comfortably with my sister. Please, help? I know you won't give me problems larger than I can handle, and that every step of the way is guided by Your hand. But please, keep me strong too. I am really scared.

And to my friends who are reading this, I pray you will never have to live in this fear. And if in case, you would have to, may you face it with a braver countenance than I have.

Some times, life seems really unfair. Some times, I can't help but ask why we'd have to go through all these suffering. Wasn't it enough that we broke our hearts over losing our parents early? But what I'm learning is that life isn't just unfair, it can also still get much worse.

I just find hope and gratitude by reading this over and over again and I know I'm still one lucky bird:

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