Visited our adoration chapel after mass today. Upon entering, it smelt like a hospital room and I gasped at the memory it brought crashing back. It smells like Mummy's room in the hospital. I realized that's the closest I could get to her now. Smells, pictures, places where memory holds her in place. Where I could always run back to when I desperately need her or miss her.
I like the chapel. It felt like a sanctuary. My heart stops hurting when I'm inside. I can cry my guts out and it's okay. I always feel comforted afterwards. I think I need to seek out more quiet places. It gives me space to think. Maybe if I stick to the chapel, I wouldn't feel so godforsakenly lost like I do now.
I keep harking on about not wanting to be lonely but maybe SOLITUDE is the best thing for me right now. I need to gather myself, before God unfurls me to my future. Whatever it holds for me, it must be important if not to people, then to Him. To Them.
Whew. I'm looking forward to it, seeing them again at the end of time, on the other side of Armageddon. What a family reunion it would be. :p It'll be colossal.