Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Tsk, tsk...


Amazing. I dreamt of Bast and Seb last night. Yep. Both of them.

It started out with Bast appearing in my dreams like he had a right to be there. What I like about dreams is that everything is simplified and amplified. Even emotions. So in my dream, I had license to feel surprised, then excited to see him again. I saw that something stable inside of him again. Like moth to a flame, I was drawn in once more. I remembered that my Dad wanted to meet him, because I was head over heels infatuated with him when I came back from the mountains. But now, I suppose, he'll never meet my dad. In my dream, Bast and I were just talking. And he was looking at me as if he knew something was different and it somehow made me interesting.

Then Seb came. I opened a door and there he was. Standing inside the room, as if waiting for me all along. First thought: Uh-oh, I'm confused. He'll see Bast and he'll get jealous and he'll think I do not care for him as much. I decided (the word is decided but I think it was really more of an instinct and I just decided to follow it) to run to him and hug him. And when I hugged him, it was the most comfortable thing in the world. And it felt like coming home.

So now. I'm confused about being confused. Am I really still confused? Is Bast enough to clear my head about Seb? Or is my dream trying to tell me that my heart has made a choice and I'm pretty much screwed?

When God invented love and romancee, He should've done what any slf-respecting inventor did: Make a freakin' manual.

But then, it woldn't be half as exciting, I suppose. I'm still deciding if excitement is worth the insanity though. I really cannot decide.

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