Girl, Finally

Book in Hand: Summer Knight by Jim Butcher

Song in Mind: "They're tiny, they're toon-y, they're all a little loony..."

12 years ago, I would have never believed it.

12 years ago, my idea of personalized style included a baseball cap, rugged jeans and a plain, loose dark shirt. My wardrobe was full of black and dark blue stuff. You can never make me wear anything pink. But I think I backslided when I started loving the color violet. In college, not only my clothes were violet ---bags, ballpens, rulers --- geez, you name it, were all in the shades of this royal color as well.

Until finally, I was forced to wear pink and I realized my cheeks looked more flushed -- in effect, prettier --- when I'm wearing rosy shades. To complete the transformation, a boy I liked told me I look pretty in pink. And I don't think he meant "like a pretty pink balloon" which pretty much summarizes why I wanted to stay away from the color.

I'm not saying I now belong to the Cult of the Sisters of All Things Pink, but I favor the color these days. And when I started liking pink, I started realizing I happen to like white, peach, flesh and warm browns as well as lacy, ruffled things. I even like those delicate designs on shirts which makes me feel softer and feminine.

Huh. My 12-year-old self is puking her guts out. But....

It makes me feel strong to look like a girl now. Back then, I did not want to be labeled "maarte" so I avoided all things girly. I think now, I've matured enough to realize that "girly" does not mean "frivolous." "Flirty" in moderation isn't "malandi" at all. And most of all, "feminine" dos not mean weak or you are in constant need of rescuing as a damsel in distress.

I am capable. I am confident. I know myself.

I am a girl, finally.