Liv in a Life Well-Lived

I wish I knew what inspired me to open the laptop and connect to the net in the first place. Now that I am facing the keyboard, topics elude me all of a sudden. But the first rule about writing is you just plow through it. if I wait for inspiration to strike again, it'll probably take me half a century before I start. And that's the best of my chances already. What's stopping my flow is fear. I am sure of that. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. For the last few months after my parents death, people we owe money to left us alone. Now, it seems they think its safe to remind us of our obligations again. The woman my parents owed money from when they were still alive is asking if we can partially pay her back. She needs it because she's applying for work outside the country. And the hospital where Mummy died is tired of waiting for PCSO and is now clamoring for us to pay the bill instead. We're talking about a couple hundred thousands here. Now, we're not expecting big money fro...

I don't know what happened. First, I was so down in the dumps that for a time, I thought my depression was coming back. It was almost the same misery except that there was a dimension to it that was just too .... dark for me to grasp. Then, I was suddenly appreciating everything: the dirty pink city skyline, lotuses on the dirty Pasig River, my Tita Agie's gentle remonstrations about what I eat, free LRT passes... the list goes on. It brought me to realize that I have learned to love more now. Especially when it comes to people. It's as if, back then, all my love was reserved for Mummy and Daddy. But now, the love I should've used for them gets divided into this so many people I am getting to appreciate more. Not to get me wrong, I still love my parents with all of my being. But they are experiencing a greater love now, and what earthly focus I have can be refocused somewhere else. I also wonder if it is even possible to go back to the old depressed Olivia. Would I ever...

I got 2 reactions on my post yesterday. It seems that my friendship with Norman leaves some people baffled. One of the reactions I got was: Was he your guy best friend you fell in love with and who turned out to be gay? This I answered with a simple Yes. And you’re still friends? Yes. It was the easier of 2 questions. The other question was much complicated and it came from a close friend. He knew my difficulties relating with Norman (then and now), specifically, how I have difficulties accepting the “Wall” he’s got protecting his heart. You know, the wall which I keep bumping my head on every time I try to dig deeper into him. The massive wall protecting his miniscule self from feeling anything other than what’s logical or sanitary. The question was, “Why do you still call him the best friend?” The first thing that popped into my mind is, “For his sake.” This reply shocked both him and me. I explained further that, it seems this is what normal people do, having gone through everything...

Not that I don't feel like composing a different entry; but I think this actually captures what i want to say, so why reinvent the wheel? Dear Norman, How do I phrase this.... My heartfelt gratitude... nah... My utmost thanks... erg. okay, THANK YOU!!!!! Still feel like discussing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? I've finished the whole thing yesterday. My boss wouldn't thank you coz I didn't do ANY work the whole day. Just stared at my monitor while my pointy finger pushes the down key --- ALL DAY. But what he doesn't know wouldn't kill him or lead him to kill me-- yet. And another thing --- I'm terribly sorry. I feel like a dork emphasizing things like "I've got other priorities now" ek-ek when you texted me that you thought I "invested" on a copy of the book this time...I was terribly depressed the last few days, felt responsibility hanging like a noose around my neck, ready to snap and suffocate me any minute now. I was ac...

Did he or didn't he? Pose naked that is. We all were surprised when he did his stint in Equus. These promotional photos certainly shocked us: But did he really allow below photo to be featured? Or is this a manipulated image? Better judge for yourself. Hehe, but that would entail studying the photo minutely, so, goodluck. :)

I know an old man who is excellent in making videos. He often speaks loudly as if conversing with another person atop a far-off mountain . A lot of people avoid him because he tends to engage them in long-winded conversations where he always emerges right anyway. They call him old-school and passé. I will not play the hyprocrite and say that I enjoy his tirades and his one-sided point of view, but I will not shut up until I defend him a little too. In the short months I knew him, my ears are ringing with the number of times he will come out of his secluded cubicle and exclaim anger / amazement / befuddlement about one topic or another. Everyone else will smile and nod and let him run out of steam. I usually end up being the bearer of the yoke because I cannot pretend not to hear him. Seeing that I’m the only one listening, he’ll beam down on me and continue his yarn. I can’t bring myself to be rude because, 1) he’s old, and 2) sometimes, it’s interesting, what he says. Like today, he c...

I have been reading Chocolat by Joanne Harris for the last 2 days now and I am still, proud to say, in Chapter 5. Ha! Aside from the fact that I am reading it in between clients within the PBSP booth during the recently concluded CSR Expo at Sofitel Philippine Plaza, it is also too delicious to just gobble up without chewing. Seriously, the book is something to be savored. I can almost feel like I was in France and that I am being harangued by the narrow-faced cur e of the small provincial town. I can imagine myself inside the chocolatiere and actually selling them to people. I can't wait to finish the book so I can watch the movie. :) Delicioso! But other than taking my reading pleasure from the subject, i find that Chocolate is loosening its hold on me. The other day, a Snickers bar was waving at me from the grocery check-out counter, and I even went as far as touching the bar, but it did not tempt me. The word I think was, I felt " suya" of it already. Maybe, the fact...

What happened to Daniel Radcliffe? Where did the adorable kid go? Who the freak is that hunk doing his lines? Y'know I'm a sucker for geeky-looking guys... Times like this, I hate being older than most of the cute guys I see.... Just watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix... Loverly... I don't know what other people say about it. But me? I was just transfixed. Without an LOTR movie to divert my attention, I am beginning to understand the phenomenon that is about to take place come July 22. The end of the Harry Potter books. Which might mean the end of Harry Potter himself. :) Love it. Haven't reserved it yet, but I know I'll get around to doing that one of these days. MP4 muna, then the book .:() GO WATCH IT!!

OMG. I have 4 of the best books in the world and I only had to shell out Php 940 for it. (Book Geek!!!!) 1. Tales of Genji - the first novel in the world written by lady Murasaki. Now I get to read the un primera novela ever. 2. Chocolat - Johnny Depp. Need I say more? 3. Meditations on Middle Earth - Tolkien, Pratchett, Le Guin in one book. Heaven 4. Beyond the Looking Glass - A collection of fairy and fantasy stories from the Victorian era. A little bit of research eh? Also, happy to report that I am making headway on my collection of short stories. I am now done with "Turn the Key." One down, 11 more to go. ") All in all, I'm good. It's all good. Good times.:)

Last Sunday, my Tita brought us to a mall in Mandaluyong to shop for shoes and clothes. Seeing I only had Php 1,500 cash in my pocket, the quest was more than improbable. This Reubenesque girth and this Amazonian height to find something in a shop for Barbie dolls with cash to throw about? Nuh-uh. Don’t think so. Cash-strapped times such as this calls for practicality --- and good fashion sense. So what if most of my clothes are from SM? I mix and match ‘em, and there you go! My personal style. Have you ever seen that TV show on the Lifestyle Channel, Look for Less? That’s my motto. Every designer look out there has got a practical counterpart. I don’t need mucho dinero, I just need a lot of good sense. So went to SM afterwards. Needed to buy groceries anyway, the convenience of a department store and a hypermarket is just way too useful to be ignored. Generation All-In-One 3-in-1 coffee, pour-hot-water-and-eat noodle soup, cellphones you use as radios, computers and cameras besides… j...

I think I got the Operations post I applied for. Our Human Resource Department posted the new PBSP openings and I saw my current position being advertised as vacant. Yes, it can mean, I'm fired, but I'm taking courage in the fact that the Senior Training Officer position is now NOT on the list. Hehe! Or, I could just ask HRD about it, eh? But isn't it sweet, this long, long period of not knowing? Love it.

Enjoying a quiet moment with a book inside our Inn in Palawan. I want another vacation...

Before Harry Potter, there was Mr. Darcy. It IS odd that at 25 years old, I indulge in young adult and speculative fiction whereas I indulged only in the classics when I was 11 years old. I don't expect anyone to believe it, but I knew Captain Frederick Wentworth (Persuasion) first before I knew Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson (Discworld). Recently though, I am getting a bit tired with fantasy. I have read most of my favorite authors' books (Tolkien, Gaiman, Pratchett, Le Guin, Rowling, Cooper, Pullman, Nix), at least most of what I can get my hands on here in the Philippines. It is harder to buy good books because 30% of published fantasy really are quite mediocre, and 50% quite suck. That leaves a 20% chance of finding a good read. Classical fiction though, rarely dissapoints. Maybe it's because these are the tried and tested stories that already fought their way through time to remain on the surface of man's imagination. So my reading list for this month will involve ...

FU.CKEN. ADD.ICT.ED. T.O. it doesn't do anyting for me. Who in this world cares if three minutes ago I gained my level 3 certification and that out of my 119 precious answers, 45% (54) was voted as best answer? No one. But I don't think that'll stop me from participating. It just makes you feel so much part of something. And kind of smart too, I have to admit. Everytime you get that "Best Answer" nod, I feel validated as a genius. Ego-trippin, in short. But I guess, the first reason: that you feel part of something is also valid. I've made friends in Yahoo answers, believe it or not. There's this do-gooder from Davao and this 11-year-old kid from Singapore. There's the awesome God_lives_underwater too! I never really udnerstood how people canlive a life through the internet, but now, I think I can see the glimpse of it. I don't plan to indulge to netopia forever though. But it does approximate some semblance of living a life. And for now, I...

Book in Hand: The Devil and Miss Prym by Paolo Coelho Song in Mind: Sewn by the Feeling I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. Some of my parents friends from Church are going to hand out a post humous award for their contribution to the community and they're asking for a representative. Me. And I'm not going. I feel guilty, YES. But I also feel uncomfortable. 1. It's so out of the way. Scary to commute there by myself. 2. I think I'll just get sad. 3. I am not comfortable with the church people. I ought to go. If only to revere my parents. But just thinking of going there makes me want to cry. Argh. Confusing.

Gilda did say it is the "firsts" which would hurt a lot. First birthday without them, first anniversary, first fathers day or mothers day... and now, first illness after they've gone. I was only semi-conscious of what our parents really did for us when we were sick. Thinking back, yes, there were sponge baths, waking me up in the unholy hours of the night to give me medicines, the dreaded ice-cold thermometer stuck between your armpit. I was often sick (am a sickly girl) and this happened frequently. It was usually my dad who'd wake me up. But my Mom would be the giver of comforting massages when my back hurts or my legs ache. Now I got to experience the other side of this "family healing" phenomenon. Ella fell ill yesterday due to an infection and some other. She had a 39.8 degree fever and was succumbing to chills once in a while. No more Daddy or Mummy to rescue the day. And so, ganun pala yun. To give sponge baths, one must bend over the ill persons body...