Monday, January 15, 2007

Twilight-esque

I know. Think me crazy.

I wanted to be the logical type of person. I really tried. But it seems the call of the extraordinary imagination was a bit more louder than that of rigid mental discipline.

As a young child visited by black cats in the middle of the night, unexplicable wake-up jolts at exactly 2:30 a.m. followed by eerie flute music that happened at least thrice a week for two years, women in black appearing in windows, apparitions projected on doors and walls, angels rescuing me from falling off a cliff or the stairs or riding an ill-fated bus, it is very hard to dismiss the supernatural just like that.

If I start talking of OBEs (or Out-of-Body Experiences) you are free to close this window and move on to other blogs which could present to you sane stuff like, oh, let's see... an intelligent discussion on the noble and inert gases found on the periodic table of elements. :)

I was relatively young when I had my first one (about 13 years old). My family and I visited that Pink Sisters Church in New Manila. It’s one of my parents’ favorite churches. We often go there even if there’s no mass being celebrated. That particular day, the family knelt to pray together facing the barricaded altar (to separate the nuns from the public). I guess I started to fall asleep. But in that juncture between sleep and wakefulness, I was jolted awake by the sensation of having been sucked out and turned around. I was surprised to see that I was now facing my family, watching as we pray. I clearly saw myself kneeling with eyes closed a little too much like I was asleep, my daddy, my sister and my mummy. The most magnificent thing though was that not far above our heads was this magnificent angel-creature with perfect wings. The vision was white, bright and blazing. It didn’t last more than 30 seconds, that vision. I remember forcing my eyes open to REALLY SEE more but I ended up waking up and finding myself facing the altar again.

Yes, of course. I could have just been dreaming.

I am discussing this today because this morning, I had another one. I woke up early because I heard my mummy coughing hard downstairs. Traumatized about early morning bad surprises now, I rushed downstairs to check on her. Helped her a little bit downstairs, gave her medicines and then we saw my sister off around 5:30 a.m. After she’d gone, I lied down on our sofa to sneak in a couple of minutes more sleep before I prepare for work as well.

Not long after that, I heard the doorbell ring three times in rapid succession. I remember thinking it must be my sister who came back for something. So I forced myself to stand up, only to find that I could not move. Sleep paralysis, clearly. I was lying face down and I tried my best to push myself up so I could move. I’ve had sleep paralysis before and I knew it could become a long struggle to wake up. That’s why I was surprised that when I tried to move, I suddenly sprang up from the sofa and found myself in a sitting position already. I looked down on the sofa to check what could’ve accelerated my movements and I was surprised to find myself still lying there. More than that, when I looked at my surroundings, it was our living room alright but it was twilight-esque and the room was illuminated by a couple of dozen white candles. The first thought that came to me was --- This is what Daddy sees. In a previous lucid dream, he told me that he was still around us but occupying another dimension. I was so sure that if I go to his room, I will find him there, in that dimension. Also, I wanted to open the gate to answer the doorbell. But when I tried to stand up, something snapped and I was unceremoniously sucked backed to my prone figure. Then, I woke up. Looking up, I saw that nobody was at the gate, my mother was puttering about the dishes, everything was normal and there were no dozen candles to scare the heck out of me.

I have been unsurprisingly sensitive to the paranormal the last few days with the great loss my family felt. It can be my iganitaion, my need to communicate with Daddy. It can be the gift though, an iota of which was passed on to me by our flawed genetic line. I guess, I needed to discuss this today because I want to lay the situation out before me. To really assess my mental health.

If somebody could tell me if I was just dreaming or what the whole caboodle meant, be sure glad to hear you out. I will even accept referrals to shrinks if you have the notion that I am really insane now. :) it’s okay. Just drop me a line or a note. I don't think I'm the type of insane who goes amok anyway.

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