Sunday, October 12, 2008

Thank God for Forgetting

I wrote this last year: It now feels like a lifetime away. Thank God!

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For years, you encase your heart in glass, to make sure nothing can get to it. Like lost minstrels in the woods, men come and go and some catch your eye while most do not. But you only ever give your heart to one.

If it gets broken, you retreat inside yourself, nursing the wounds, until you think you are alright. You swear off losing your heart to anyone else. And you succeed… for a while. But when you least expect it, somebody comes to break down the defenses…. again. And this time, you just know it would kill you if he cannot give back his heart in return.

I have only given my heart away twice: then and now.

The first time I jumped at the possibility. This time around I fought the feeling while kicking and screaming. The first time, I had a choice to fall or not. This time around I only realized it when it was already too late to dissuade my heart. Not even the threat of deep shame over the reality that there is a 99% chance you cannot love me back could scare me out of the feeling. Just like dropping from a twenty hundred feet drop, I fell fast and fatal.

Ang daya. Ang labo.

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