It's a game I play with Gabe. I'd be lying flat on my back with my knees bent up to my chest, and he'd be splayed on my legs. I'll move my legs up and down and sing "See-saw Sacrado, Kankanen, Tambong tambong..." I think it's an old Ifugao rhyme my Tita remembers from her childhood. So of course it's not the regular see-saw, but it does require a really sturdy set of legs.
This morning, Gabe woke up and immediately sought me out. While I was lying in bed, he sat on my stomach and started singing "see-saw sacrado..." so of course, I had to do it. (If you think otherwise, then you have never been subjected to the charms of a 4-year-old, poor you...)
While I was pumping my legs faster, Gabe let go of his hold and started whooping for joy. I shrieked and told him to hold on, but he shrieked back "I'm not scared, you're stable!"
Wow. I felt like I was awarded an Oscar. Is my search for something/someone "stable" about to be revealed?
In college, I was so bent on finding a stable guy, one who would nullify my off-kilter world. But now, I realized, the stable person I needed badly has to be no one but me. The way my sister and I keep moving around, like gypsies, after our parents' death needs nothing but a stable personality. And between the 2 of us, the burden is on me.
It has to be me.