Oh Boy...



My world's about to change.... yet again.

Yes, this is going to be one of those i-hate-being-left-behind psychobabble, and don't say i didn't warn you. I'm just getting major whiplash from a deep-seated separation anxiety since I learned my best friend at work has finally, FINALLY decided to leave our organization.

On one hand, I agree that it's a good decision, since he can't seem to make himself like any other open positions inside the Foundation. It just might lead him to the work which would really help him grow... up. Better. Be the man I can almost see him becoming.

It just sucks something bad that it has to be somewhere I can't see. I'm not good with keeping in touch with friends unless they're someone I see on a day-to-day basis. So I get super anxious whenever someone will move out of my "reach" because I am sure something will change. And that's if they're just like "normal" friends. Ian, to me right now, is much more. I made him my crutch when I needed to stand up. He mollified me whenever I get too annoyed or angry, serving as the vacuum where my time bomb could blow up without doing any major damage. I think I even reconstructed my world in a way where he's like one of my personal Atlases holding the world up.

And when he goes... now what? I spin off-kilter again, precariously one nudge away from falling apart. Well, maybe that's just a tad too melodramatic... that's been done already when THEY left me and nothing could be worse than that. But, who to turn to now? In the immediate sense of the word?

I'm losing people to rely on fast. It amazes me how strong I pretend to be, when emotionally I need soooo many people to keep me up. To keep me going on. I can be super girl, but I need reasons. And I'm losing most of the reasons too quickly.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but can you really blame me? I've lost too many people already. Anything that might endanger the veracity of the remaining ones terrify me.

I'm really scared. And sad. And...

Angry because why the fuck did I even start to rely on him anyway? I'm an idiot.

Liv, I think Life's most challenging lesson you HAVE to learn is to NEVER give your heart to people who do not want it for keeps. NEVER. Especially if they didn't ask for it.

Stupid once, Stupid twice.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Manong Boie's Advice to Young People

Image
We rented a local tourist van for the recent trip we took in the Bicol region and his name was Manong Boie (yes, it is spelled like that). 6 towns in 2 days equates to a whole lot of driving . And I know that the longer the travel, the more personal the conversation becomes. I enjoy those dialogues because I learn different perspectives on life. Just take for example the latest gleanings I got from our retired engineer turned tourist guide/ van driver. H's 62 years old with three children. His youngest is in high school, his oldest is 25 years old and holds a PhD. degree. He's originally from Bulacan, but upon finding the woman he loved, he married her and moved to her hometown in Legaspi City. They raised their family there and through toil and sweat they managed to provide for the eduation of their kids. He often expressed his amazement about how " on-the-go " we were. He compared us to robots running on compressed and almost bottomless energy. I think he meant th
Read more

Stephen King says Stephenie Meyer Sucks

Stephen vs. Stephenie, the fight is onnnnn! :) Guess whose side I'm on? I just read this in yahoo mail and I had to IMMEDIATELY blog about it out of pure joy that all the faults I found wasn't just in my head. Somebody else who has more authority to speak about it, agrees. Meyer sucks. She just purely does. She was saved by finding a really great story, one she didn't do much justice, but girls will read anything with a hot dude in it. We are not all Stephen King fans, but I respect this dude (botoxed face and all) coz he writes. And even if his stories are creepy, he writes them well. I don't always like what he writes about (i.e. What's up with that The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, huh?), but at least he tells it well. And for those who say, well, Meyer's an amateur, get this: writing Twilight makes her an amateur. Did we see improvement in the next books though? At all? No. It even got worse. One word: Renesmee. But I've said all this before. Let me just qu
Read more

Eating Pizza in Pisa and other Tuscan Food Adventures

Image
  This is not a blog post. It’s a love story. It was late afternoon when we stepped outside of Pisa Centrale, the clacking of my son’s stroller on the cobblestone streets echoing down the lane. We just came from Florence for the day, we had no luggage, and we also had no taxi to take back to our hotel. It had been a long day. We must have walked a dozen miles in the last 7 hours exploring every Florentine nook and cranny we happened to come by. I was at the end of my short string, and my husband was at the end of his long one. Our toddler was quiet in his stroller, obviously just as exhausted as his parents even if he hadn’t left his stroller for more than 10 minutes each time. One wrong move, we would’ve exploded. While waiting for the taxi in silence, I had been staring at a building unseeingly for the last 5 minutes. Then I realized, the light looked yellow. The sun streaming through the sides, and indeed, showering us with its rays was actually golden. That jolted me to the present
Read more