Liv in a Life Well-Lived

Secondhand books, anyone? Yes, I have finally gotten around to doing it. Am cleaning my bookshelves by selling most of the books I know I will never touch again. Be it because I have read to the nth infinity or I just really cannot imagine myself having the time to go through it again. I need space. New books are coming in, which equates to new ideas, new experiences and even new knowledge. I cannot stay stuck in the past. Ergo, I am letting go. Sure, it feels like a part of my soul is being sold at extremely low prices too, but heck, I need the space to breathe don't I? So if you are interested, you can email me to request for the list: iviyanar@yahoo.com . The books are mostly speculative fiction and contemporary fiction. PINOY BIG BROTHER What an idiotic show. Wendy is still in. I know, I know! For someone who swore I will not watch it for its sheer stupidity, I just cannot help but CARE that the biyatch is still in. Ella's reaction when she found out Wendy was not elimin...

I urge ALL GIRLS who read this blog to look at this site: THE KEEPER It will: a. FREAK b. GROSS c. KNOCK d. ALL OF THE ABOVE YOU OUT. Do it now, now, now!

Chitchat Number 1: Truth is, I have been crushing on a certain guy for some time now. I never discuss this online because there's an off-chance he reads this blog. Once in a while, at the least, I know he has visited some of this site's links. But everytime I see his text message on my phone, I get fluttery cretins disturbing my stomach and I have the irresistable urge to daydream. I tried imagining myself dropping everything just to be closer to him... it's a nice premise. Starting all over again somewhere new and strange and far from this maddening crowd. But I realized 2 things: 1. He'll never like me that way. 2. We're out of each other's league. I don't know if the 2 are actually one and the same. I feel it isn't. The first is about tastes. The second is about capacity. I will probably rot in the province. And how will I achieve my dream of making it big in the UN or ever become an advisor for the Prince of Wales Foundation if all I network with are...

I am changing my life this week. This is my checklist: I am submitting a letter signifying my interest for a new position within PBSP. I am going to submit the SSS documents for my parent’s death benefit and to finally get it over with. The extra cash will come in handy. I am going back to the gym. I am going to drink my medicines religiously now --- really. If I get the extra cash -- I am going to cut my hair and die it blue black (hehe, no, not pink). I am going to sell my old books (must.force.myself.sell.let.go.). Watch out for the list soon, you might want to buy some of it. I will now subscribe to the cleaning magical powers of Muriatic Acid. Our toilet bowl is miraculously transformed into pristine white after having been murky and yellow for weeks on end. I wish I paid more attention to it before. I wish it didn’t take everybody leaving us or dying before I learned to care. I mean, simple Muriatic Acid. My gosh.

May pahabol pa pala... Really had the best of time! :P PALAWAN: so galing! it really looks like that on any map! No more pre-flight jitters: a connoisseur at take 3 (as in 3rd time to ride a plane) Shiny(-faced) happy people (once in a while, it's okay, I guess) A pretty detail from Ka Lui's restaurant (the best food in puerto) The girls from Casa Linda: Yvonne (from Cebu), Jeni (from Korea), Yel, Me and Dre Haha! I don't pose like this when I'm sane. Obviously, I was insane the whole trip! INsane, insane, insane.

I admit it, I am L - A - Z - Y. I just posted the pics my friends took which I liked (i don't have my own digicam, boohoo!). Some have caps, some I'd rather just post. :) Team Casa Linda: dre, yel and I plus yvonne and johnson the pretty sandbar we spent our time in while waiting for our turn in the underground river boats Vietville Restaurant: nothing to see, lots to eat though Coming out from the cave Beautiful scenery, beautiful people, basta beautiful... Yey! Entrance to the Underground River Puerto Princesa market aka the Crocodile Farm The skeleton and hide of the largest crocodile captured in the phils. important lesson: difference between crocodile and an alligator Now, I bite you... Wahr!! At the Badjao Seafront restaurant Inside the Butterfly Farm. And no, we're not required to wear salbabida. Bilbil ko lang yan. :) Our flutterby friend from inside the farm As per usual, my life vest won't fit. They make vests for dwarves. I should form a giant and ogre union...

I have recently come to the realization that the average young adult’s life reserves a huge chunk of time solely for dwelling on LOVE and the finding thereof. Take the people I know, for example. They live functioning, normal work lives. I even sometimes hear them talk about their families. But the frequency of our discussions on their turbulent or non-existent love lives has increased exponentially. Now, it might be one heck of an overgeneralization, but whether I just know a lot of love fools or I inspire the most hard_ss people to just spill the beans on their hidden moon-and-stars fantasies, there’s still a lot of stories I know. Holy Molly I have a friend who is in love with a priest. She’s been smitten for a couple of years now. It doesn’t help that the person is a confused, morose, unsure young priest. He’s the farthest from holy as I could ever conjure in my head. But in fairness to him, he still hasn’t crossed the line that separates him from breaking his oath. He struggles so...

It is a strange country ---- this region between my ears. More so at night, when I am asleep and my control is subdued. For others, night time is down time. To me, it’s just another kind of living. My dreams vary – memory replayed, anxieties or expectations displayed, nonsensical or vivid – they come to me. But once in a while, I dream true. By this I mean that I know the dreams are not merely memories being reviewed by my brain. Not fears or hopes. They are just real. I have received instructions in my dreams. I have seen a sliver of the future. I have traveled to odd countries. I have spoken with those who have passed away. And last night, I have received an extremely rare gift. I was blessed with the gift of goodbye. Most of it was about preparing for a journey. The last scene was the most important. It was my father’s wake and --- he was sitting on the floor beside me. He was watching everybody paying their respects. Every time somebody would say a prayer for him, he got a little m...

So long, sweet summer... Laiya Coco Grove in San Juan, Batangas last May 19-20 The girls and I: last hurrah for summer How come they get to have their "bringing the fatty back" pics and I get the autistic posing? Note to self: MUST INVEST ON A PERSONAL PHOTOGRAPHER me and a book, what's new? Ako daw yan, beside the sea at dawn Mermaids Hay, before I knew I was diabetic.... I love the capiz windows at yel's house... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= GIRLS, SAGADA NEXT OKAY? I'll never tire of that place. Nytnyt.

I wish I can start talking about sensible things again. I keep waiting for the day I'll be able to indulge in my usual diatribes. But I wonder if I can ever go back to being that girl, who can rant ad nauseaum. Remember in high school, we'd write to friends that we hope they never ever change? Of course, we just mean nice people should stay nice. But even that is impossible. Say for example, I think I'm still nice. But not the same doormat niceness I used to be. I have developed edges that weren't there before. If I can go back to those days we were writing those silly notes on yearbooks and autographs, I'll change it to something like this: I hope you will change into the person you admire the most. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I have a friend who is in a complicated relationship right now, and we spent three hours discussing the many things making their relationship miserable. Of course, I remained the passive listener since I do not have experiential sagacity to ...

Grief by Sandra K. Hester I wish I had the words to comfort you,In all your pain and grief. But I know there is nothing I can say or do,to help you find relief. Your numbness will soon subside,and the pain and tears will be real. Just remember no matter what,It's ok to feel what you feel. Each day may seem like a burden,sometimes it will be hard to face. But they will never stop loving you,just because they're in a new and better place They will live on in your hearts,you will all have memories to share. And when your time on earth is through,with open arms, they will be waiting for you there.

I don't dance. Except for those times I'm being graded for it in high school, and the times ---- my father danced with me. Those were ordinary days, when he's feeling well and happy and light. He'd take my hand in jest and start whirling me round and round and round. He'll make funny harrumphing noises, and funny waltzing tunes, and he'd chuckle and giggle everytime I step on his toes. I loved it when we do those silly dances. Just one more time. Just one more dance. Just. One. I will probably never dance like that again. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= DANCE WITH MY FATHER Luther Vandross Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around 'til I fell asleep Then up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was loved. If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I'd play a song that would never, ever end How I'd lov...

Book in Hand: Maximum Ride: School's Out Forever by James Patterson Song in Mind: Sundo by Imago This is my morning routine p. I wake up at 5:30 a.m., take a bath, get dressed, mechanically spoon cereal into my mouth to avoid hypoglycemic-ing, then scamper off. I ride a bus to Philcoa, get down, ride an FX to the Manila Post Office. Sounds easy? Huh. You better not mean that. This morning, I sat beside a large guy reading Harry Potter 6. And I mean, he was Herculean. I couldn’t bring myself to look up to his face but I can see he had long, powerful thighs. Broad shoulders. And HE WAS READING HARRY POTTER! Mejo masikip (duh! Magkatabi kami dalawang dambuhala), kaya nahirapan ako iabot sa kanya yung bayad ko sa FX. Others would have been irritated already, but when I said, “Uh-oh, sorry.” He laughed lightly. He had a nice laugh. I wanted to talk to him about Harry Potter. I can. I’ve read that book like 4 times. But I was feeling dizzy, I’m not sure my breath was okay, I was shy… all...

Eating spongy angel cakes. They were delicious! Lasang Red Ribbon mamon. I took four of them and devoured it happily. My Dad asked to be transferred near the TV; my Mum was seated somewhere near. Ella was somewhere in the background watching TV too. We were complete. We were happy. Daddy looked up expectantly and told me not to go to the far (southern) end of Mount Makiling. I answered, “Sure, Daddy.” I didn’t get why, but it’s not as if I’ll be trekking there anytime soon anyway. I ate another angel cake. There was that feeling I miss in the pit of my stomach --- that utter dependability that you are happy to the core of your spirit because the simple things in life that you wanted were at hand. Spongy angel cakes. TV. Daddy. Mummy. Family. Then I woke up. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=- I dare you to tell me right now this isn’t a cruel, cruel world. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I'm in Puerto Princesa right now, joyous over the fact that our Inn (Casa Linda) has internet connection! Not that I will be able to upload our pics since I'm only relying on Mariel and Dre's cameras and those are not even processed yet. I just wanted to drop by to tell you that I'm having good fun. Last night, we wanted to go heck-drunk-crazy. And if the place we went to only served alcohol other than beer (I was looking for a Margarita), I'm probably sloshed right now. For the first time. BUT --- maybe, it's not just me who controls my vices but there's Divine Intervention as well. Sayang lang. It was not like I was planning to become an alcoholic. Here's a short list of our accomplishments yesterday: We went to: 1. Have lunch at Ka Lui's (de-licious!) 2. Self-styled city tour via rented trike to: a. Crocodile Farm b. Iwahig Penal Colony for the souvenirs (contrary to popular notion, hindi mura ang souvenirs dito go to letter D) c. Butterfly Farm d...

I get a little disoriented when people mention that Isla Verde is a barangay in Batangas City, because it really could be in another world entirely. Wow, just wow! I have never seen such variety of fish before. We did a little snorkeling near the shoreline and we can see so many kinds already: butterfly cleny, parrot fish, sargeant fish... and many other multi-colored ones I cannot even name. Imagine what we would've seen if we actually went to the more famous sites! It is amazing what the communities surrounding the island has done for their waters. Their Coastal Management Program is tops! Just goes to show we are still capable of uniting for good causes. Here's some of the first pics... have to wait for the others pa, especially the pics taken of the fish squabbling over bread. :P Leah Beach have huts lining the shoreline. Some families are content to splash around here, but I find it a little unclean and smelly. This is where the large bancas picked us up going to Isla Verd...

I will be on official business going to Isla Verde in Batangas City starting today so I will be a bit inaccesible. I am desperately trying to fit back into the groove of things --- work, home life, imagination-wise. Maybe I'm not doing so bad, but it wouldn't explain why I feel like totally lost. Anyhow, I was very excited about this trip because Isla Verde was recently named as the World's Hub for Marine Biodiversity. With my current mood though, a volcano can erupt right in front of me and I still wouldn't give a darn. I am also a little uncomfortable with the hypoglycemic medicines I'm taking. It makes me sick in the mornings when I haven't had breakfast. Erg. Like today. Must eat. Must. I was so woozy that a jeepney almost ran me over this morning. I was trying to cross the street when a jeepney overtook another jeepney while I was crossing. Then, when I got to the curb, I got a bit dizzy and took an involuntary step backwards --- just as a motorbike swooshe...

I have become very dependent on my mp3 player recently. I just need the music to blast me back into functioning. This is a slow day for laundry and random internet surfing. Not much to write about, or maybe, don't care much to write about anything. Except to find a song I can lose myself into. A love song that isn't sappy or too optimistic or cheesy. An honest one where nothing is sugarcoated. A song that can lull me back into a calm mood. A song to take me far, far away from reality. Any suggestions?