Tuesday, January 01, 2008

A New Year's Blogpost

To this writer, the year that was brought both darkness and light. Strange mixture it is, to be witness to both grief and joy in such a compact period of time. 365 days, after all, is but a breath in the existence of the universe.

I wish I could explain it better: I am constantly surprised by the twists and turns this life brings us. We are thrown fast balls that are really curve balls, we are given poison which turned out to be gifts, and happiness that crumbled easily upon the slightest scrutiny.

I wish I had been faster, smarter or some degrees better in being a human being the past year. Maybe it could have saved me from a lot of grief or loss. But then again, faster and smarter can only go so far in saving a life. Maybe slower and wiser would have done more good during those days I wished I was superhuman.

It was the year I learned the extent of the damage that can be inflicted upon a human heart. I have only studied Biology and was taught that the physical organ is resilient, but once damaged, will only last for long. But hearts shatter beyond physical damages and this can paralyze a soul more than any seizure could have ever done. Hearts shatter --- and it takes super human effort to pick up the pieces. It takes more than one person's capacity to return the desire to even piece it back together. It takes more than one person to return purpose to a life destroyed by grief.

I have only studied Geography. But now I learned the map of lives intertwined as they churn the dusts of the earth. We all should travel to see the world we live in. It is the only way we can really take ourselves out of our self and lay our soul bare to experience the way other people live their lives. The similarities and differences of our ways of living will return vigour and sense to our often times misdirected raison d'etre.

It was the year I tasted Freedom. And it was a bitter tea. I now have no romanticized ideals about living the unbound life. Stripped of my borders, I was ready to expand; but without purpose, there was no point. I am now a woman of my own, and I have defined that I am a woman who needs to be pinned by the feet to the earth, else I float and disintegrate into thin air. Today, I have no qualms about being bound, because I now know I have always had freedom the moment I used my Imagination. No matter the circumstance, I have always been Free.

The year ahead is grainy. I am trying my best not to be overwhelmed. I have my own wishes and desires, and a long list of resolutions. But the most important thing is this ---- I have let go of the past and I am ready to move forward.

I will live as only I can live. I will not be afraid to love nor overanalyze or obsess about its coming and going. I will choose innocence. I will choose honesty and the straight path. I will keep to my principles and pin my feet to the earth. I will be humble but I will not underestimate my strength and my skills. I will guide my steps by the light of the sun and moon, who are now my father and my mother, guardians of my path. I will claim responsibilities given me and accept destiny accorded by His Divine plans.

This is a year of new beginnings and new blessings.

I will face it with courage, with hope, and with Faith.

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