For two years running now, my father greeted me quite early for my birthday. Last year, he hugged me and said happy birthday 4 days early. This year, he greeted me 8 days before my birthday. Of course, given that he's dead might have complicated things a bit.
Seeing him again made my heart sommersault and I almost woke up from the seeing dream. My Daddy had the quirkiest smile. He was reaching out to me.
You can say it's just in my head. That my sub-conscious is showing me things. But given what I've been through and the different feeling that pervades a true seeing dream, I'm pretty sure it was really him.
Now, I just realized that the reason I'm making sure that I'm busy the day before my birthday is because I don't want time to think for myself. I don't want to remember it's my first birthday with both of my parents gone.
And that I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
I am not the same person I was before they died. Everything is affected by my lack of direction now: work, friends, family.
My life is unraveling and the last thing I really want to do is celebrate being born.
This wheel, this life thing, it keeps rolling even without your will. I don't understand.