Please I don't Want to Talk About Fried Chicken
Book in Hand: Ursula Le Guin's Malafrena
Song in Mind: Ryan Cabrera's True (but only because it's the song playing on my YM)
This afternoon, I had the urge to blog again. This I felt while eating a two-piece chicken with double cuppa rice meal at Kipp's Krispy Chicken in SM Megamall. I actually wanted to talk about the best Fried Chicken I have eaten in my life time.
Then it struck me how absolutely dumb that was. And how totally low I must've fallen if the only thing I can talk about is fried chicken.
I mean, there is the fact that I'm at my wit's end at work. The fact that I am actually going insane because I could NOT handle the pressure. And here I am spending the last week as a walking zombie --- trying not to feel, trying not to lose control again. Things I don't have to feel passionately about.
There is the fact that Daddy didn't get extra class load this summer, which leaves me the breadwinner for the next two months. My measly pay is suppose to pay for the electricity, two month's worth of groceries, a dozen overdue credit card bills, and medical insurance.
And did I mention how my body is starting to malfunction? I feel like I'm fifty years old with my joints and muscles aching like hell all the time.
I just want to completely detach myself that I end up talking about inane things like the best bookmarks I've ever seen, best pieces of rock in my collection and the best fried chicken I have ever eaten. I mean, how emotional could I get about chicken and rocks, right? This heart needs a break, bejeez.
Another very dangerous thing I'm also doing is compulsive book buying. I just cannot stop. I have two very tall piles of books I have yet to read, but it doesn't stop me from buying more. This would have been okay if I had the money to spare. But again, you now know, I don't. Not healthy anymore.
Things I should be Doing Instead:
1. Find a new job that pays better and demands less frazzled and fried nerves (is this too unrealistic, you think?)
2. Save 20% of my monthly salary and put it in a separate not-easy-to-access account (sabayan mo na rin ng diet para di magastos kumain)
3. Teach daddy how to use the Computer this Summer so he can type his own grades and not bother me ever again
4. Looking for the blasted CD Installer of our Modem (I'm still renting computers because the house PC is still not connected)
5. Resist (oh, but I must resist!) buying a new book until I have finished reading my stock. And after I have finished rereading all the other books I have (that'll last me until I'm fifty years old, I'm sure) (but could I stand it?)
6. Or I could just plan the books I'm going to buy in the future, so I won't be compulsively buying books right?
7. Undergoing psychiatric therapy
8. Praying the rosary seven times a day, going to confessions everday in a week, doing everything to gather my faith about me so I won't fall deeper into the darkness
9. Slim down, slim down, slim down
10. Write the novel.
Oh, but where shall I get the energy to do all these, huh? I'm finding that I tend to just freeze up instead. Too many things being demanded from me. Need help. Really need help. I really need to help myself but...
Amoeba-esque. I am an amoeba. I am a unicellular being and I am unable to feel, worry, fret, ponder, wonder, wander...
help.
Song in Mind: Ryan Cabrera's True (but only because it's the song playing on my YM)
This afternoon, I had the urge to blog again. This I felt while eating a two-piece chicken with double cuppa rice meal at Kipp's Krispy Chicken in SM Megamall. I actually wanted to talk about the best Fried Chicken I have eaten in my life time.
Then it struck me how absolutely dumb that was. And how totally low I must've fallen if the only thing I can talk about is fried chicken.
I mean, there is the fact that I'm at my wit's end at work. The fact that I am actually going insane because I could NOT handle the pressure. And here I am spending the last week as a walking zombie --- trying not to feel, trying not to lose control again. Things I don't have to feel passionately about.
There is the fact that Daddy didn't get extra class load this summer, which leaves me the breadwinner for the next two months. My measly pay is suppose to pay for the electricity, two month's worth of groceries, a dozen overdue credit card bills, and medical insurance.
And did I mention how my body is starting to malfunction? I feel like I'm fifty years old with my joints and muscles aching like hell all the time.
I just want to completely detach myself that I end up talking about inane things like the best bookmarks I've ever seen, best pieces of rock in my collection and the best fried chicken I have ever eaten. I mean, how emotional could I get about chicken and rocks, right? This heart needs a break, bejeez.
Another very dangerous thing I'm also doing is compulsive book buying. I just cannot stop. I have two very tall piles of books I have yet to read, but it doesn't stop me from buying more. This would have been okay if I had the money to spare. But again, you now know, I don't. Not healthy anymore.
Things I should be Doing Instead:
1. Find a new job that pays better and demands less frazzled and fried nerves (is this too unrealistic, you think?)
2. Save 20% of my monthly salary and put it in a separate not-easy-to-access account (sabayan mo na rin ng diet para di magastos kumain)
3. Teach daddy how to use the Computer this Summer so he can type his own grades and not bother me ever again
4. Looking for the blasted CD Installer of our Modem (I'm still renting computers because the house PC is still not connected)
5. Resist (oh, but I must resist!) buying a new book until I have finished reading my stock. And after I have finished rereading all the other books I have (that'll last me until I'm fifty years old, I'm sure) (but could I stand it?)
6. Or I could just plan the books I'm going to buy in the future, so I won't be compulsively buying books right?
7. Undergoing psychiatric therapy
8. Praying the rosary seven times a day, going to confessions everday in a week, doing everything to gather my faith about me so I won't fall deeper into the darkness
9. Slim down, slim down, slim down
10. Write the novel.
Oh, but where shall I get the energy to do all these, huh? I'm finding that I tend to just freeze up instead. Too many things being demanded from me. Need help. Really need help. I really need to help myself but...
Amoeba-esque. I am an amoeba. I am a unicellular being and I am unable to feel, worry, fret, ponder, wonder, wander...
help.
In front of my computer is a wooden wall where I tack a list of the Top Five books I'd like to get (or complete the series of) for the year. I take my time, in the same way that I meticulously inspect every copy of the book so I get what could possitively be the best of the lot, then I go to my tacked-up piece of paper and lovingly cross out what I bought. That's how I do it, and I hope it works with you too (because I can't afford to have impulse buys too ^^)
ReplyDeleteDidja know that (eto na ang katotohanan, kahit English major ako) it takes an agonizingly long time for me to finish a book I really love? I pore over and drink in all the words and imageries, making sure I get to enjoy it as much as possible. I'm not one to fast-read really. So that I can put down the book and know that ive savored it to the fullest, and won't have to reread it for a considerably long time yet. I dunno if this one helps at all, but hey. :)
I am just a text away. (should you need any weird insights or just inane conversations.) ^^
You know I'm just a text away.... :p
ReplyDelete