dreaming of neil
Book in Hand: Flights: An Anthology of Fantastic Short Literature
Hay, I'm getting a bit discouraged with my scientific experiment, having produced no successful results for three nights going. But I have to agree that this kind of Dream Journaling intrigues me. The other night, I actually fell asleep thinking, "What would I dream of Tonight?"
Well, what I had been trying to do is to pick one theme -- that, is I chose Mr. Gaiman -- and see if he surfaces in my dream. Had been trying for4 nights, but no direct appearance of Mr. Gaiman can be noted. He'd been peripheral though to the latest of my dream accounts, but nevertheless... it's a bit shabby.
Night 2
I suppose I have to accept that there was no hide nor shadow of Neil Gaiman in my dream that night. It was what I can call, "a repetition of events in daylight -- only darker." Meaning, I dreamt of stuff that happened to me during the day, but with my subsequent qualms about it given stronger focus.
E.g. I went home with a couple of friends from work last Wednesday. We were all going the same way anyway. When I asked to go along with them, they readily agreed and showed all interests of going home. What I didn't know was they were thinking of having dinner first, but my going with them might have been the cause of their cancelling it. I was embarassed for a second because I didn't want to change their plans if I only knew of it, and I do embarrass easily when it comes to being a "pabigat." I know it wasn't like that at all for them, but my fears are my fears. And in my dreams that night, I saw the whole thing all over again but instead of going home we were going to the mall. Just when we alighted from the jeepney, I felt the prodding feeling of insecurity again. This time I told them I'd go ahead and I left them.
Hmmm...
I also dreamt about American Idol, and I dreamt of this African-Ameircan girl being all awful about her singing (no, not Paris). She wasn't a contestant, but I think she was Briana and Mandisa combined. Oh well.
No, Mr. Gaiman there still.
Night 3
Instead of dreaming about Mr. Gaiman, I dreamt of my friends who introduced me to his works. Instead of talking about the Sandman, I dreamt of that irritating phase in my life when I was a complete sap for a boy and I was talking about --- eeeyuck ---- falling in love.
In the dream, I was happy. When I woke, I was terrified.
One FREAKING HECK NO.
But.... the dream was happy. Could it be that I just imagined that the wounds are closed and I'm not actually over it yet? Or is just an echo of memories that made such an impact on me?
I shudder to think it's the former. I'm queasy if it's the latter. I just want to forget that part of my life. Ala-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Night 4
I was excited about it being Friday night which means I can stay up as late as I want. I was kind of busy thinking about this Toastmaster's Meeting I attended in PBSP (Everytime I say the word Toastmasters, i see a mental image of my Dad rolling his eyes...). Then after I took my two-hour bath, I suddenly felt so tired that I fell on my bed and absolutely forgot to say my prayers and the image of Neil.
I woke up not being able to remember a single blessed thing about my dream.
Argh.
Questions / Notes I've Written in my Dream Accounts:
> Can it be --- that dreams cannot be influenced? Was it just extremely coincidental that I used to imagine things before falling asleep and then they appear there all bright and shiny?
> Maybe Neil Gaiman isn't the right theme? I mean, I love his books, but I have no idea who he is. ( I can hear a lot of people saying in unison, "Uh, well, duh!") Maybe I should focus on objects instead? See if it'll appear in my dream?
> Dream journalling is not so bad. I'm seeing a side of me I wouldn't -- couldn't --- pay attention to when I am awake. Thing is, it's unearthing a lot of questions I'd rather not ask when I am conscious. Do I try to answer the questions as they come knowing it'll take me months to answer even just one?
> In ref. to Night 3 - Am I jaded about love completely now? If not, then what is that terrifying feeling that abducts me everytime I remember the past and imagine doing it all over again? It made me feel like running very far away, something I was able to ignore the first time. But now, knowing I failed once, I might just scamper off when the feeling swoops down on me again.
> Now, I know why some people don't pay mind to their dreams too much. It's enough to make one insane.
Hay, I'm getting a bit discouraged with my scientific experiment, having produced no successful results for three nights going. But I have to agree that this kind of Dream Journaling intrigues me. The other night, I actually fell asleep thinking, "What would I dream of Tonight?"
Well, what I had been trying to do is to pick one theme -- that, is I chose Mr. Gaiman -- and see if he surfaces in my dream. Had been trying for4 nights, but no direct appearance of Mr. Gaiman can be noted. He'd been peripheral though to the latest of my dream accounts, but nevertheless... it's a bit shabby.
Night 2
I suppose I have to accept that there was no hide nor shadow of Neil Gaiman in my dream that night. It was what I can call, "a repetition of events in daylight -- only darker." Meaning, I dreamt of stuff that happened to me during the day, but with my subsequent qualms about it given stronger focus.
E.g. I went home with a couple of friends from work last Wednesday. We were all going the same way anyway. When I asked to go along with them, they readily agreed and showed all interests of going home. What I didn't know was they were thinking of having dinner first, but my going with them might have been the cause of their cancelling it. I was embarassed for a second because I didn't want to change their plans if I only knew of it, and I do embarrass easily when it comes to being a "pabigat." I know it wasn't like that at all for them, but my fears are my fears. And in my dreams that night, I saw the whole thing all over again but instead of going home we were going to the mall. Just when we alighted from the jeepney, I felt the prodding feeling of insecurity again. This time I told them I'd go ahead and I left them.
Hmmm...
I also dreamt about American Idol, and I dreamt of this African-Ameircan girl being all awful about her singing (no, not Paris). She wasn't a contestant, but I think she was Briana and Mandisa combined. Oh well.
No, Mr. Gaiman there still.
Night 3
Instead of dreaming about Mr. Gaiman, I dreamt of my friends who introduced me to his works. Instead of talking about the Sandman, I dreamt of that irritating phase in my life when I was a complete sap for a boy and I was talking about --- eeeyuck ---- falling in love.
In the dream, I was happy. When I woke, I was terrified.
One FREAKING HECK NO.
But.... the dream was happy. Could it be that I just imagined that the wounds are closed and I'm not actually over it yet? Or is just an echo of memories that made such an impact on me?
I shudder to think it's the former. I'm queasy if it's the latter. I just want to forget that part of my life. Ala-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Night 4
I was excited about it being Friday night which means I can stay up as late as I want. I was kind of busy thinking about this Toastmaster's Meeting I attended in PBSP (Everytime I say the word Toastmasters, i see a mental image of my Dad rolling his eyes...). Then after I took my two-hour bath, I suddenly felt so tired that I fell on my bed and absolutely forgot to say my prayers and the image of Neil.
I woke up not being able to remember a single blessed thing about my dream.
Argh.
Questions / Notes I've Written in my Dream Accounts:
> Can it be --- that dreams cannot be influenced? Was it just extremely coincidental that I used to imagine things before falling asleep and then they appear there all bright and shiny?
> Maybe Neil Gaiman isn't the right theme? I mean, I love his books, but I have no idea who he is. ( I can hear a lot of people saying in unison, "Uh, well, duh!") Maybe I should focus on objects instead? See if it'll appear in my dream?
> Dream journalling is not so bad. I'm seeing a side of me I wouldn't -- couldn't --- pay attention to when I am awake. Thing is, it's unearthing a lot of questions I'd rather not ask when I am conscious. Do I try to answer the questions as they come knowing it'll take me months to answer even just one?
> In ref. to Night 3 - Am I jaded about love completely now? If not, then what is that terrifying feeling that abducts me everytime I remember the past and imagine doing it all over again? It made me feel like running very far away, something I was able to ignore the first time. But now, knowing I failed once, I might just scamper off when the feeling swoops down on me again.
> Now, I know why some people don't pay mind to their dreams too much. It's enough to make one insane.
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