Liv in a Life Well-Lived

That is, if they cared. But I'm Turning 26 today, it's my day! So it's easier to pretend people care! :p 1. I have increased my book hoard by 80% the last year, it's now at 2,879, no, bought 2 kanina so, 2,881 books. And to think I sold 109 books last year to increase shelf space. Swear, my house will be a virtual black hole someday. It'll just implode with the sheer weight of words per square meter. 2. I am addicted to black blouses and frilly cream shirts. Go figure. 3. I am earning a measly 16,800 basic pay plus 2,000 in benefits so I cannot support having 2 addictions. Either the books or the blouses have to stop. Okay. The blouses have to stop. 4. I went down from size 22 to size 18 due to the weight I lost while in the hospital for 2 weeks. 5. I crave for Century Tuna Flakes in Vegetable Oil at least 1x a week. 6. I can only eat 4 Krispy Kreme doughnuts in one sitting. After that, I'd probably pass out due to hyperglycemia. (I shouldn't eat it anyway)

For two years running now, my father greeted me quite early for my birthday. Last year, he hugged me and said happy birthday 4 days early. This year, he greeted me 8 days before my birthday. Of course, given that he's dead might have complicated things a bit. Seeing him again made my heart sommersault and I almost woke up from the seeing dream. My Daddy had the quirkiest smile. He was reaching out to me. You can say it's just in my head. That my sub-conscious is showing me things. But given what I've been through and the different feeling that pervades a true seeing dream, I'm pretty sure it was really him. Now, I just realized that the reason I'm making sure that I'm busy the day before my birthday is because I don't want time to think for myself. I don't want to remember it's my first birthday with both of my parents gone. And that I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I am not the same person I was before they died. Everything is

Have you ever felt the kind of love that starts as a tight ball lodged inside your chest then you feel it expand until it seems you cannot breathe? That's how I felt today looking at my four-year-old cousin, Gabe. I got scared a little by how much I love the little guy. I mean, with that kind of love, it's like being sold on the spot. You know that whatever thing he asks, whichever sacrifice you would need to do to make him happy or you are sure would be good for him, you would do it. It's like having no control over yourself at all. That's the difficult thing about love. It asks a lot from a person, and you are compelled to do it no matter how it will hurt because the idea of hurting or displeasing or harming the person you love will just kill you. It's scary to love like this, but I have no choice. I love the little boy. I scarily do. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Apply above logic to someone you romantically love. Good Lord. Can I do that? Maybe, I could.... I mean, right n

When you said you liked this song, I thought it was about me. "I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen She left before I had the chance to say Oh, The words that would mend the things that were broken But now it's far too late, she's gone away Every night you cry yourself to sleep Thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe it It's not over tonight Just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you..." (Maroon5) But no. It was about her all this time. :(

is Surprise. I used to think it was just me. That the 2 instances I fell in love, it both started with surprise. Say for example, read below: Case 1: When I was in college, Boy1 was the ONLY guy I ever liked. And the first time I realized I was falling for him was when we started squabbling over him learning basketball. We were glaring at each other in mock irritation when I realized the glare wasn't a glare anymore but a kind of seeing into each other. I think that was when we both realized there were real souls in the other person. We didn't end up together, but we did become best friends. Soul gazes can do that, I suppose. Case 2: Boy2 is not my kind of guy at all. He has the complete anti-thesis of all the physical traits I've ever liked, so you must realize how DISTURBING it was to find myself actually looking for him when he's not around. The first time I caught myself missing him, I audibly and angrily asked "What the hell do I care?" But I did. That

Ella and I bought a personal laptop last Sunday. We both insist that we need it: she for work and me for my writing. Let's see where this takes us both. c",)

I had my skin testing today for the allergens that causes my rashes. It stupefied me how many possible causes there are. My doctor essentially tried 36 allergy-inducing essences and then pricked the skin to see the corresponding reaction. The result? Tada! I am allergic to areoallergens / outdoor allergens such as: 1. Cat's hair 2. Dust mites 3. Talahib (wild grass) 4. Yard grass 5. Cockroaches as well as food allergens such as: 6. Tilapia 7. Oyster 8. Egg yolk 9. Egg White Good news is that, it's not auto immune so that means I'm not allergic to my own blood. I'm being warned against too much outdoor exposure nga lang. But hello! I travel for business, I cannot avoid the outside world. It's my job! So, I suppose 2 things will happen: 1) In six months, I'd look like one big rash with a girl inside, or 2) my cells will get tired of being allergic and eventually clear up. So, whose gonna place bets then? :p -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Love Shangri-la Mall. Laging konti

Tried to keep up withe backlogged documents today and it was so hectic I am quite unabashed that my desk looked like this the whole day: I even imposed my controlled chaos at the computer desk: Yeah, yeah, I know. Upended chaos. But don't you know? This is how geniuses work. :p Ha!

He really does look like mine, eh?

Book in Hand: Lemme show you instead... I have this lovely notebook which I've decided would become the cauldron of story ideas for 2008. I really do want to get back to my writing this year. I have a fairly good idea to find time for it. I plan to reserve 9 pm to 11 pm to my writing. It doesn't sound much, but at least I'll get something down. And I will do it longhand if only because I don't want to make it an excuse that I don't have a laptop at hand. So no more excuses. :p Happy Three Kings Everyone!

Book in Hand: The Children of Hurin We brought Gabriel to Snow World last night because we promised him that he'd get to see the whole shebang before classes start. It costs Php 160 per person (adult or children) and well, it's expensive even for that. Let me just say, it was a complete letdown. You remember Winter Wonderland about 10 or so many years ago? That was awesome. I think it also helped that I was about 11 or 12 years old that time. There was snow falling on you and you could pick it upin your freezing hands and make snowballs and stuff. The one in Snow World were all hard as ice cubes. Even the ice sculptures (which were magnificent but quite common) didn't help redeem the whole thing. But Gabe had fun. So i guess the thousand bucks we spent to see the thing wasn't a complete waste. :p

Rlyn came home from Dubai for the holidays. She's got news of her new (newer than the last new one) boyfriend who happens to be an Arab. We had dinner at Zong and capped the evening with toffee nut lattes from Starbucks. Mariel, Arlene and Andrea Moi, Leah and September

I spent half of my dream last night searching for a boy who does not want to be found. I'm getting tired of keeping too many things in my heart and none of it becoming a reality. My uncle came as close to telling me that as long as I am not slim, the average guy will have a hard time finding me. It is reality in men's brains, he says. They are looking for physical perfection as a sign of other perfections. I think, his point was that, I should reserve my heart for above average men. Sounds logical to me. But the problem is that: the one I like is a very average boy. So naturally, it's another futile effort. And I'm tired of futility. Especially if I'm just another girl to him. Sucks, but I have to start sucking on some reality now. Go hit your head somewhere hard, Liv and wake up to the truth that --- you're not the perfect one for him.

To this writer, the year that was brought both darkness and light. Strange mixture it is, to be witness to both grief and joy in such a compact period of time. 365 days, after all, is but a breath in the existence of the universe. I wish I could explain it better: I am constantly surprised by the twists and turns this life brings us. We are thrown fast balls that are really curve balls, we are given poison which turned out to be gifts, and happiness that crumbled easily upon the slightest scrutiny. I wish I had been faster, smarter or some degrees better in being a human being the past year. Maybe it could have saved me from a lot of grief or loss. But then again, faster and smarter can only go so far in saving a life. Maybe slower and wiser would have done more good during those days I wished I was superhuman. It was the year I learned the extent of the damage that can be inflicted upon a human heart. I have only studied Biology and was taught that the physical organ is resilient, but

"May your year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing (or dance) or live as only you can. And I hope somewhere this year, you surprise yourself!" -- Neil Gaiman Thanks, Ate Raffi for the message.