Cease Ruminating

Tsk, tsk. The Olivia I know really does work best under pressure. I had this article I was supposed to work on over the weekend. I was requested to submit an article about Corporate Social Responsibility in the Philippines and I procrastinated because I thought it was going to be a drag. Today I found out that I actually know more about CSR than I let on. Four years in the field, well, not embarassing anymore. After putting off getting the job done over the 3-day weekend, I finished the 1,000++ word article in three hours and even got good reviews from my boss. Hehe, not bad. :)

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I have a colleague who's love life is more active than Mayon Volcano. She's the tall drink of water type, with long hair and morena skin. Her exotic looks have snagged her a fair share of foreign guys. Well, today's discussion over lunch skimmed over th election details and point blank ricocheted back to her "concerns." She wasn't the type to fall in love head over heels. When it comes to guys, she knows what she wants and what she needs. She seems to have mastered a cool efficiency in dealing with them and all the bothersome feelings they come along with. What feelings?

Ha, of course I'm not going to divulge it here! Not a gossipmonger, this lass. But it did lead me to another round of rumination about my capacity to ever fall in love hard.

After another irksome round of conversations with my increasingly-former crush, I just started scolding myself for nearly falling for another non-complementary guy (that is in relation to me). I entertained the thought of trying to look for older guys to gush about, maybe they'd be more mature. But the very thought chilled me to the bone. I realized that I don't like older men because if I'm with one then I wouldn't be in control. Control freak. That's me.

Looking back, I do have the tendency to like guys which I believe "kaya ko dalhin." Younger, shorter or weaker-willed (not all 3 at the same time though), but must always be brilliantly intelligent. You won't believe the number of smart guys who are emotional-morons.

No, I haven't concretized this theory about my personality. I myself can't believe that under my peachykins demurrings, a calculating, controlling biyatch resides. Maybe, it's just a tendency and I can still snatch myself from the claws of a personality schism such as this.

For now though, I cease ruminating to start hibernating.

Good night.

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