Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Akong, Butchoy and Cadet

Guess who the cat dragged in today?

I was in MCU Hospital today, getting my banged-up knee a fix through, when this specter from the past drifted in.

In college, there was this Chinese guy who was my classmate in one or two subjects in AS. He wasn't tall, but he stoops, probably because he likes to walk so fast he is stuck in permanent inertia. He was always smiling, even when alone. He likes singing out loud, even if he doesn't have a good voice. He spits a little when he talks. He was excitable and he was weird. Oh, and he gave me hell by picking me out from the class and being too nice. Overtly nice. pa-cute nice. (Shivering with the memory now... eeewww..)

Now here he is, eyes all excitable again asking me how I have been. Let's call him Akong.

Akong: Olive! How are you!? What are you doing here?! It's been so long!? Where do you work?!

O: (thinks for a second if there were real questions in there or was it a monologue) Uy, Akong, oki lang. Eto, malaki pa rin (my standard reply to classmates)

Akong: Cute pa rin!? (their standard reply to my self-deprecating humor).

O: (not amused this time). Ah, hehe...

Akong: San ka na work?!

O: (thinking the repetition must imply it's a question then) Sa PBSP, NGO siya.

Akong: Wow!?

O: Ah, oo. Wow? (painfully added) Ikaw? (please don't tell me, I don't care...)

Akong: Sa call center!?

O: Ah, ok...

Akong: Kita naman tayo minsan!?

O: (Ngayon nagkita naman tayo diba?) Ah, hirap nga lang mag-sched, kasi field ako lagi eh.

Akong: Kahit lunch this weekend!?

O: (bakit???? close ba tayo? Two rows ang layo mo sa akin noh!) Intramuros pa kasi office namin. This weekend, may therapy session ako. Busted a knee cap kasi.

Akong: Ay, sakit!?

O: Di naman.

Akong: Eh di nxt weekend!?

O: Nasa Mindoro ako.

Akong: Next next weekend?!

O: Nasa Palawan (Swear tutoo naman itong pinagsasabi ko!)

Akong: Ah, busy ka nga!?

O: Ah, oo eh. (Ang kulit mo!)

Akong: O sige!? Rain check!? Text text na lang!?

O: Okei. Uy, tawag na ata ako ng doctor. See you...

Akong: Ay, wait, number mo!?

O: 0920-82134_ _ (magkano ba new sim?)

Akong: Sige, text na lang kita, para ma-save mo # ko!?

O: Bye!!!

Akong: Bye?!

I just realized that in my haste to leave, I have no idea why he was there as well. He was in front of an OB-Gyne's clinic which she was sharing with an Oncologist. So, it's either he has cancer or he's pregnant. Huh. Baka pregnant. Shucks!?
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This reminded me of 2 other guys who were as kulit as he was.

Let's call the 2nd one: Butchoy. Eto talaga pare, hobbit sa laki. As in hanggang bewang ko lang ata. He also happened to be a little unhygienic looking. He was taking classes in CD and he was my classmate in, what was that? CD 121: Social Advocacy. Maliit na malikot na makulit. I was often early for my classes and this guy who used to come in 30 minutes late was suddenly coming in early too. Feeling na kung feeling, pero bakit naman kasi tuwing pasok niya, hello Olivia agad siya? Tapos, (que horror!) tatabi sa akin, tapos mangungulit.

He was also part of a fraternity famous for running the halls naked every December. When he ran, he was not content to just run naked. He agreed to be hoisted up by his brodmates, fully exposing his non-existent *bleep*. Although their faces were covered, it was unmistakably him because of his height, his skin color, and his voice since he keeps yowling. And after the oblation was over and we met again in class, he told me he was looking for me because he wanted to give me a rose daw.

Thank God for angels who watch over the easily mortified.

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Last one, let's call him Cadet.

This isn't a bad guy. He's dark-skinned but has a good smile. Thing with him is, he walks ram-rod straight everywhere, everytime. He was my classmate in History and I have no idea what he wanted. He managed to finnagle my number from a friend. Which is fine. But then, who calls me? His best guy friend. And when I asked why, wala lang daw. May nagpapatawag lang daw. What did we talk about? Wala lang din. Complete and utter waste of my seconds and brain space.

Kagalit diba?

Then in class, he wouldn't even talk to me. So what was I supposed to think, right? Ako pa? Eh di ang response ko, bahala ka sa buhay mo!

The next sem, I saw him walking with a girl and heard later on he had a girlfriend. Labo diba?

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So that's the ABC of failures: Akong, Butchoy and Cadet. Someone once said, making sure the equation boy likes girl plus girl likes boy happens very rarely.

Geez, tell me about it. Would it change the very fabric of reality for someone I like to like me back?

Ano ba Sebastiannnn!!!! (not his real name). Mauntog ka na sana at malaman mong ako ang hinahanap mo!!! ;p

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