Liv in a Life Well-Lived

Today is my parents' 27th Wedding Anniversary. Still together apparently. And going quite strong until eternity. Not bad, eh? :) -=-=--=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I often have daydreams. Heck, I always have daydreams. Sometimes, it's a chronicling of what I hope was happening to me instead of my current life or a far flung fantasy which could only come true if pigs suddenly fly. But, I suppose it's entertaining or else I wouldn't have continued doing it for the last 25 years. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Here's my current one. Let's call it, The Rebirth of Schahrazad I am waiting to cross the street in a busy intersection. The pedestrian signal goes green. I cross. Coming from the other side is this frail old lady who can barely take 2 steps without shaking really bad. I opted to help. I get her safely to the side I came from and I take a look at the lights. It's still green. I probably can still make it to the other side if I walk fast. I cross. Out of the co...

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It's a wonder, really, that mankind has lasted for so long. Amongst all creatures in the animal kingdom, we are certainly not the biggest, fastest or (yes, even) smartest, but here we are proliferating and thriving on this miniscule planet in the vastness of the universe. We break so easily. Have you not noticed how pliant our skins are? So soft and squishy . Easily yields under pointed or sharp objects. Recently, I've realized bones are breakable too, being painfully conscious of my squeaky knee. My physical therapy sessions include electric stimulation and traction to straighten my spine. One wrong mechanical mistake and my spine can crack leaving me disabled for the rest of my life. Yesterday, I found out I am also now diabetic . I thought that It'll be a while before I buy medicines again now that Mummy and Daddy have found the permanent cure to their ailments. But no. I was prescribed the exact same medicines my parents have been taking for much of their adult lives. ...

I attended the wedding of my colleague from PBSP today and I realized one thing --- I’m the type to cry at weddings. I’m not sure if I’ve always had this predisposition, or it’s just that, I get sad in weddings now that I know my parents will NEVER get the chance to give me away. Also hosted the reception program and was tired. The thing about having a part in the program is that you’ll never enjoy the whole thing. Every time there’s an occasion, I always emcee it (debuts, birthdays, etc…) that I don’t really know if such events are actually fun for those who are there to just attend. It seems always stressful to me. Add the fact that I didn’t take my medicines to make sure I think and speak clearly the whole time was torture. But the ceremony itself was beautiful. And Jing was so beautiful. And Vic’s eyes were brimming with the love he felt for Jing. It will take a hard core cynic not to want to believe that it really is possible to find the right person and to make a life with them. ...

Contrary to what you might have heard, I still am very much alive and kicking. Well, maybe not kicking... but alive, certainly. As it happens, I scraped my patella. God, how I wish I was talking about cheese or spaghetti or whatever italian food you might be imagining right now. But the patella, I recently learned, is a protective covering of your knee, helping the ligaments function friction-free. And I damaged mine. Congratulatory greetings for this supreme idiocy is in order. I probably busted it while pretending I can do muay thai or tae bo in the gym. The medicines I have to take makes me woozy... a lot. Sometimes, people just split into 2 images right before my eyes. The floor also has this quirk of slanting upwards; furnitures suddenly go all Beauty-and-the-Beast-animated as well. The bright side is, I was advised to stay at home for 10 days. Count that, TEN whole days. I have the medical certificate and everything to prove it is official. And since I am undergoing physical the...

Guess who the cat dragged in today? I was in MCU Hospital today, getting my banged-up knee a fix through, when this specter from the past drifted in. In college, there was this Chinese guy who was my classmate in one or two subjects in AS. He wasn't tall, but he stoops, probably because he likes to walk so fast he is stuck in permanent inertia. He was always smiling, even when alone. He likes singing out loud, even if he doesn't have a good voice. He spits a little when he talks. He was excitable and he was weird. Oh, and he gave me hell by picking me out from the class and being too nice. Overtly nice. pa-cute nice. (Shivering with the memory now... eeewww..) Now here he is, eyes all excitable again asking me how I have been. Let's call him Akong. Akong: Olive! How are you!? What are you doing here?! It's been so long!? Where do you work?! O: (thinks for a second if there were real questions in there or was it a monologue) Uy, Akong, oki lang. Eto, malaki pa rin ( my ...

I believe that life is made up of minutes. Half of the time you just live your life unaware of what will happen the next minute. Those of us who construct elaborate plans with strange calculations doodled on their organizers are all just, at best, pretending. All of us are just living by the minute. When you're adrift like I am now, the minutes seem longer. Intensely lonely. I don't know who and what I need. You are just left alone, even in the silence of your spirit. This dreadful minute will pass. May God bring me succor in the next one.

I am not a secretive person AT ALL. I give away my own secrets as if they were flyers for distribution. I think it's because it makes me feel a little bit lighter inside --- less burden for the soul. It also helps me think twice whenever I am presented with the opportunity to do something which I know would be heavy on my conscience. Keeps me clean. This is not the same though for keeping other people's secrets. Asking me not to say anything about it is like signing a contract with me (with just the usual defaults especially if the secret will be harmful to another person). I honor it as if it's iron-bound. That's why I resent people who tells me to keep mum and then proceeds to tell other people about it herself. Oh well, naisip ko lang. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I feel the need to unload a couple of secrets off me. Maybe more than a couple. Let's see if it makes me feel any better... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SECRET #1 I am starting to detest the role I hav...

I have decided to join the PGS contest and write a story in 300 words or less (too short, too short!) about this image drawn by Andrew Drilon: Hmm... something dank and nasty this way comes...

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Tsk, tsk. The Olivia I know really does work best under pressure. I had this article I was supposed to work on over the weekend. I was requested to submit an article about Corporate Social Responsibility in the Philippines and I procrastinated because I thought it was going to be a drag. Today I found out that I actually know more about CSR than I let on. Four years in the field, well, not embarassing anymore. After putting off getting the job done over the 3-day weekend, I finished the 1,000++ word article in three hours and even got good reviews from my boss. Hehe, not bad. :) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I have a colleague who's love life is more active than Mayon Volcano. She's the tall drink of water type, with long hair and morena skin. Her exotic looks have snagged her a fair share of foreign guys. Well, today's discussion over lunch skimmed over th election details and point blank ricocheted back to her "concerns." She wasn't the type to fall in love ...

Why does it feel like I'm disintegrating into air? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I spent the whole day lying down on my back, slipping from wakefulness to sleep then to wakefulness again. Today, I am pain and it was everything I am conscious of. Pain in the back, stomach cramps, pain in my heart... I hurt everywhere imaginable. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- We said goodbye to my closest friend at work last night. She made the leap and resigned from PBSP. Hurrah for her bravery to face the unknown! Whatever it is that's waiting for her back in Bicol, I hope it's something bright and beautiful. Now there's the matter of dealing with life without her in the office. Hmmm, what a quieter place it would be. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- If I was just the kind of person who was full of herself, I'd start thinking there must be some conspiracy to " keep Olivia reeling ." Important people in my life keep disappearing. There was a time when ...

I've often imagined meeting him on a day like this. Halfway to my next stop, the rain poured. I forgot to bring my umbrella and I started to worry that it would not let up by the time I need to go down the bus. When I reached Philcoa, fortunately or unfortunately, the downpour has lessened to a drizzle. Not strong enough to drench me, but not harmless either. Upon alighting the bus, I ran. Up the stairs of the overpass, hurrying, clambering, as much as my sore back could manage it. There were so many people avoiding large puddles, zigzagging this way and that. Some of them carried umbrellas, blooming multi-colored mushrooms of the city. Some of them were like me, umbrella-less --- half-frightened the skies would open up to play a cruel joke and drench us to death. An old woman veered towards me to avoid a muddy spot and I had to move closer to the edge of the bridge. My altophobia kicked in and I suddenly felt cold nausea clamp upon me. For half a second, I was really afraid I'...

What is this inanity of a tv show that Claudine and Piolo is starring in nowadays? I don't care how much twist they put in it, what I know is that it's disconcerting. Isn't there a law that if you grew up as brother and sister (legally), you can't marry each other? I imagine the twist is that Piolo's not really Edu's son and sumwhatsquatch like that. Still, they grew up together and it gives me hives just thinking about it. Imagine this kind of show on prime time TV. No wonder Pinoy lives are getting more dramatic and squalid by the year. This is the kind of cr_p they see on tv every day. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I would really prefer to tell you about our 2 new schitzu dogs: Suri and Maddox. Yup, named deliberately after some of Hollywood's most precious. I much prefer to tell you how they look like dirty white rags when they lie flat out on the floor or that they're so chubby that when they run they end up running sideways... but I doubt these ar...

When in pain, I swallow. Most times, I swallow food or water. But times like this, I can just swallow the air. Trigger moments for remembering my parents are getting fewer now. But everytime it comes, it's still as intense as ever. Just a while ago, upon seeing cocktail hotdogs, I was reminded of how Mummy put them on toothpicks and pin them on a cabbage covered with aluminum foil during parties. That hurt. Now, I can write down hotdogs as another thing that hurts me. Ha. Right alongside with throw pillows and the scent of burning grass and the sound of rain. It's becoming less and less of an exclusive list, I tell you. Oh dear God. Swallow.Swallow.Swallow. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I went to the doctor today and I was told that I sprained my back. Yahoo, liv. Welcome to the geriatric ward of Life. Bad news: there's only one way outta here and you either go to heaven or hell afterwards. Good news: you're the youngest old person in the room. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-...

It felt weird to wake up this morning and know that I am waking up inside my house. MY house. Other quarter-lifers my age are probably just starting to think of getting out of their houses, finding a place of their own. They’d probably score a small, cramped apartment or a one-room flat. Richer kids would probably find themselves pampered inside a condominium or a townhouse. But me ---- I live inside my own house. A real one with five rooms, a surrounding garden and two 20-year-old kids to mind. I am officially the only adult in the house now. One of my aunts was kicked out of the house because of dangerous behavior. The other one had to go live with a Tito who will be shouldering her medical check-ups. This leaves me to manage our house and our lot. It was liberating at first. I can finally prove to myself how I can be as grown-up as this. But then, it gets daunting. The responsibility involved makes my eyes water with pain just thinking of it. Admittedly, the house our parents left u...

I am proud to announce that I have regained my complete range of motion now and thus can function like I normally do. (As if i ever had been on the right side of Normal, wherever that is.) Sorry if it took me a while to upload my Sagada travelogues. Had to do it piece meal and only in times I can manage to sneak it in. But Now, it's complete and just as I promised, chock-full of my insensibilities. Also managed to write a story (not The Story though) and smacked it right below this. Cheerios!

It was a vacation that was planned to be unplanned and I was soaking up the spaces of each free second. I was quite unabashed about hogging the balcony table that overlooked the splendid mountains. My notebook, pristine and white, was opened and awaiting the first word. My pen was held upright and poised at the edge of a potential good story. Oh, I was getting there. I was reaching out for the first word, pushing my imagination beyond the porous boundaries of time, almost there when... the gruff voice spoke and ruined it all for me. "Are you a writer?" a Caucasian man asked. His voice must have it's own bass-enhancer -- it was booming. Accented. Familiar. Annoyed by the distraction, I gave him a tight smile. "Sir, I just write." I thought that was enough to push him off. Another aspiring writer --- we're everywhere. I turned back to my notebook and scribbled the first words: "Since time..."Then I stopped when I realized the man was actually leaning...

Hallo, hallo! Sorry for not checking in yesterday as promised. It's just that, I was completely wiped out and I decided to hibernate for one more day. Now, refreshed (albeit a little heartbroken) --- I BLOG! Whatta weekend we had... Baguio to Sagada then Baguio again... a total of 28 hours of traveling on the bus. Definitely not for the fainthearted. ;p For a complete travelogue, please visit my Sagada Blog: www.geeksguidesagada.blogspot.com Pictures and commentaries overflow. ;p Iyaman!