Thursday, October 05, 2006

Speed Dating

Book in Hand: To Weave a Web of Magic

A friend (let's call her N) came up to me the other day and said she's now into speed dating. No consequence then that she believes attraction is instantaneous-- its either you do or you don't. She believes its a glimmer of pure shine which you catch a sight of for just a single second then it's up to you to grab it or to let it fade away.

Huh. Wow. Love just like instant noodles --- Lucky Me!

Walk me through it, I said. How's it done?

With all the colors of the rainbow in her eyes, she gave me the lowdown. In her Minnie Mouse voice she said:

N: First, you find a speed dating venue. A lot of hip cool new places do this. Often, it'll be connected to a bar you frequent or a radio station promoting new stuff

O: Like I visit bars (she did not see me cringe -- she barely heard me).

N: Then you register, get numbers or code names, all girls go sit and the men do the round-about (or vice-versa). I like it when the girls just sit. Then you speak and you charm and you wait for the glimmer.

O: I snort.

N: You have one to five minutes (it varies) with each guy. After the whole carousel thing is over (ergh... what a description), you hook up with the person you felt most connected with.

O: If this is gonna be the new thing these days, then I'm a dinosaur.

N: Do you wanna try it?

O: Saints, preserve me!

N: It's not bad!

O: Are you going to the next speed dating thingie?

N: Yes, you'd never know.

O: What happened to the guy you met the last time?

N: We didn't really hit it off after all. But I'm still hopeful. Hey, if you're interested, text me, I'll get you in.

O: (mumble, mumble)

N: What??

O: I said cookies crumble. And I am not despite what I ate.

N: looks at me as if I've just landed from Pluto --- which isn't a planet anymore, actually.

Look, N, your good intentions haven't been overlooked. But you see, when it comes to finding love, I believe it's each to her/his own. Speed dating ain't my kind of cookie. I agree with you that most people like me instantaneously, as you've said, it might be because I look kind and happy -- adorable and huggable to boot. But see, so does Winnie the Pooh. And no one in his right mind would want to date Winnie the Pooh. No one even knows for sure if Winnie is a boy or a girl or both -- with what his infatuation with Christopher Robin making him/her/it inscrutinable. I don't have gender issues, but I'm not easily espied as actual girlfriend material.

I cannot make a boy fall in love with me in sixty seconds flat. I'm the kind who grows on people. My illusion is that -- someday, half of the men I've met would fall down flat on their face in the knee-weakening realization that they were actually fond of me that way. But by then, I'm married, living in Ireland or the mountains, and fawning over my little David standing beside the man who didn't take a quarter of a century to realize I'm prime stuff. Someone I must absolutely respect and admire and love.

Good luck, N. May you find your glimmering. And I --- would wait until the next comet comes which would instantaneously wipe me and my species off the face of planet Earth.


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