“There is a stage with people we love when we are no longer separate from them, but so close in sympathy that we live through them as directly as through ourselves… We push back our hair because theirs is in their eyes.”
- Nan Fairbrother
Our lives are beset with such strong passions. Some of them are strange, all of them are real. I’ve only been around for the last twenty three years, which is short if we speak in god-sense, but I could people an earth with the number of individuals I’ve loved and cared about. Well, I think. :)
I grew up being open about feelings, although there was that emphasis on cheerfulness as a virtue. There are times when I am forced to hide my anger, angst, or pain in a cloud of merry smiles and rainbows, but I never learned to hide sadness. If the core of me is black, my face shows it. In much the same way, the whole of my being just positively beams when I love. Not just when I’m in love, mind you. I speak of love as a human function, an expression of extreme fondness and concern.
Today, after an intense week at the work place, I found myself having the time to remember my friends. And the quote above intensified the feeling of nostalgia --- having felt so connected to a person that you blink when he blinks. Amazing stuff, love.
Anyway, it’s raining outside. No, wait, it’s pouring, technically, and my mood lifts. I’m one of those opposite-people who loves the rain. It reminds me of when I was still in grade school and I would pray for rain so I won’t have to go to school. I know, I know… if it rains hard some poor farmer in Bulacan will lose his crop. But I was a kid, and those were the days before I learned to disregard what I felt in exchange for the comfort of others. I find myself almost wishing I could go back to being an innocent. Anyway, after wishing so hard for a storm--- and wonder of wonders, it does rain (!) ---- that is JOY. That to me defines what we’re supposed to live everyday for. That swift torrent of bliss that sweeps your breath away from your lungs, and catches your voice in your throat.
But today, just hearing the rain outside, I feel the faint echoes of those passionate bliss. And maybe, older as I am, that’s how it must be. At least for now.
- Nan Fairbrother
Our lives are beset with such strong passions. Some of them are strange, all of them are real. I’ve only been around for the last twenty three years, which is short if we speak in god-sense, but I could people an earth with the number of individuals I’ve loved and cared about. Well, I think. :)
I grew up being open about feelings, although there was that emphasis on cheerfulness as a virtue. There are times when I am forced to hide my anger, angst, or pain in a cloud of merry smiles and rainbows, but I never learned to hide sadness. If the core of me is black, my face shows it. In much the same way, the whole of my being just positively beams when I love. Not just when I’m in love, mind you. I speak of love as a human function, an expression of extreme fondness and concern.
Today, after an intense week at the work place, I found myself having the time to remember my friends. And the quote above intensified the feeling of nostalgia --- having felt so connected to a person that you blink when he blinks. Amazing stuff, love.
Anyway, it’s raining outside. No, wait, it’s pouring, technically, and my mood lifts. I’m one of those opposite-people who loves the rain. It reminds me of when I was still in grade school and I would pray for rain so I won’t have to go to school. I know, I know… if it rains hard some poor farmer in Bulacan will lose his crop. But I was a kid, and those were the days before I learned to disregard what I felt in exchange for the comfort of others. I find myself almost wishing I could go back to being an innocent. Anyway, after wishing so hard for a storm--- and wonder of wonders, it does rain (!) ---- that is JOY. That to me defines what we’re supposed to live everyday for. That swift torrent of bliss that sweeps your breath away from your lungs, and catches your voice in your throat.
But today, just hearing the rain outside, I feel the faint echoes of those passionate bliss. And maybe, older as I am, that’s how it must be. At least for now.
Like you, I'm much more of a rain person.
ReplyDeleteI REVEL in it. Everything becomes so vibrant, none of the muck that bogged us down before.
And you walk outside and you smell the cool smells. haay.
Or you remain inside the house, book in hand, blanket up to your waist, near the window, hearing the raindrops. Sarap, it's like white noise, but totally natural, like a good kind of nothing-filled-with-everything-but-is-still-nothing.
*rambling rambling*