The Shimmering

The Grinch Reaper stole Christmas last year from me. Reason to make me believe that it was forever gone from me and I'll never have it back --- my absolute love of the holidays. By this time last year, I was so busy with my lists. I was in hyper mode, personalizing each gift I give. I even made a fuss about the gift wrapping. It must all be special. I was planning Christmas Noche Buena in my head. I was planning what I will do during my work's forced leave period. I loved Christmas.

But now --- ah. I didn't even make a list this year. All I know is that I have this bunch of friends and I'd probably buy them something. So I ended up buying chocolates. My imagination didn't even spark. I finally knew what it meant to be just going through the motions. That is until I finally had to force myself to go inside a toy store for the kids I need to give gifts to.

Give it to Children to make Christmas fun. Shopping for kids brought back that shimmering feeling -- faint but there. I wanted to stop in the middle of Toy Kingdom and bawl my head out. I didn't want to lose the shimmering. I desperately need it back. I wanted to shout "Stay! Don't leave me!" but it faded nonetheless.

I want to prove to myself that its possible to be happy for all the future holidays --- without my parents. I want to prove it coz I don't believe it.

Please, could somebody give me back Christmas?

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