Dom doom, dom doom, dom doom...

Book in Hand: The Mark of Ran

The sound that serves as harbinger to the new year sounds like King Kong walking the jungle to me.

"It's here! "

Gaddamit, kadit!

Stop acting like you're 12 and start acting the way people expect a decent soon-to-be-24 old nanny to be.

Hah! Make me. Nyah, nyah, nyah! :)

-----*****------

Wish I could live all my days in forced leave forever. WOuldn't it be great to not think you're working too damn hard for the bucks? Wouldn't it be great to be doing something you are absolutely in love with that it doesn't feel like too much work? I've been noticing that I only enter this peacable zone when people are asking me to do creative stuff -- thinking of games and plays and report covers and NOT h0w to construct school buildings, deliver school desks, play the diplomat, make amicable co-existence with the bosses....

I'm really thinking hard... so hard I can hear the gears in my head turning. I want to make a change in my life that will make me freer to be me. Not to confine myself in a costume every single day, performing acts I'm swiftly losing the meaning of.

Damn it, I just wanted to help people. Helping shouldn't be this complicated. This doesn't give you that butterfly wings feeling inside your tummy for doing what you felt is right. At the end of each project, I find myself dusting my hands off and saying, "Glad that particular hell is over." Then with a sigh, it's off to the next.

There's got to be something better, surely? Peacable as my personality is, I find it hard to swallow that this is the way things could only be. I have tried to change myself to adapt to the job.

I wish I was more upstart and aggressive. I wish was more careful and logical. I can probably act that way --- for a while. People say it's just a matter of training yourself to become the "successfuly young professional." Thing is, I choke when I try to be sassy, I cast my eyes down when I should be issuing a challenge instead, I freaking fold up when accosted by anger even if it is not righteous anger at all. I'm a sissy.

Can I just be here, floating in this bubble for the rest of my life?




the book quiz
-------------------





You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!

by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

YEAH, RIGHT.

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