Un-Morbid

Book in Hand: Birthday of the World by Ursula Le Guin
Song in Mind: The Day You Said Goodnight by HALE


I promise not to be so morbid today, unlike my last post. It turned out, nobody understood my dream at all. I've asked around and all they can say is --- you're sick, dude.

Sure, like I didn't know that.

Anyway, I just came from Gateway on a solo sojourn. Went to National Bookstore Main and scoured the Previously Owned Books Level. It took me an hour to look around and all I found is a Book of Spells I knew costs around 800 bucks and which I got for 200 bucks only. Hehe, if anyone asks why I bought it, I'll just say research. Maybe someday I will have the guts to say undefensively ----

BECAUSE I FIND IT DAMN INTERESTING, THAT'S WHY!

I can't be breaking a Catholic Dogma because all I'm looking for is an informed decision about who I am in the Catholic sense. I've been a good Catholic girl for most of my life, but there are just some things which feels natural and right to me that was never explained in my Christian Living classes inside my little convent school. I'm not forsaking my God, or Jesus or Mother Mary.... they are part of the system of belief I have based my whole morality and humanity on. But maybe there's something more to the way I can find the miracle that they so dearly loved --- LIFE. Maybe there's something more I can find out about life.

I'm not sure if this is my version of a coming-out-story because I still am not wiccan, nor buddhist or Zen. But i feel relief in finally admitting that I am Asking Questions and I'm trying to find the Answers. My parents keep saying they did right by me and I seek confidence in that. I hold on to that so I would remember to think things through and only make the choice which i firmly and truly believe is right. They brought me up without killing my imagination, wonderment and they never ever tried to dissuade me from believeing in the magical and the mystical. Maybe they knew early on I would always be the weird kid -- with what the manifestations they've encountered early into my arrival on the planet.

Whatever it is I'll find at the end of my search, I'm sure God is stil central to it. Maybe there's an Olivia-shaped niche somewhere in the future and I'll find myself in it. Hopefully, before this lifetime is over.

Comments

  1. The Sanity Inspector12:24 PM

    Try reading some G. K. Chesterton, the famous British Catholic writer from 100 years ago.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Last Station: Leo Tolstoy's Last Days

Image
I can't claim to have impeccable taste in movies. I have paid to watch films like Karate Kid 2 (oh-my-gawd) and Going the Distance, after all. But once in a while, I stumble unto something intelligent AND watchable --- a feat increasingly rare in today's films. You will not have learned of this movie. It didn't even show here in the country. Sige, aaminin ko, the only reason I even bought this film is because James McAvoy is in it. And maybe because Helen Mirren was nominated in this year's Oscar's for Best Actress. I'm thankful for this 2 very shallow reasons though because it led me to finding a movie that, in my opinion, competently portrayed the conflicted life of the famed Leo Tolstoy. As a litgeek, of course I know who Leo Tolstoy is. I could name his novels and essays, and maybe, perhaps, infer on a couple of reasons why he was such a big man in Russia. But the truth is, I haven't read War and Peace. It makes for such an excellent doorstopper that I h...
Read more

Stephen King says Stephenie Meyer Sucks

Stephen vs. Stephenie, the fight is onnnnn! :) Guess whose side I'm on? I just read this in yahoo mail and I had to IMMEDIATELY blog about it out of pure joy that all the faults I found wasn't just in my head. Somebody else who has more authority to speak about it, agrees. Meyer sucks. She just purely does. She was saved by finding a really great story, one she didn't do much justice, but girls will read anything with a hot dude in it. We are not all Stephen King fans, but I respect this dude (botoxed face and all) coz he writes. And even if his stories are creepy, he writes them well. I don't always like what he writes about (i.e. What's up with that The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, huh?), but at least he tells it well. And for those who say, well, Meyer's an amateur, get this: writing Twilight makes her an amateur. Did we see improvement in the next books though? At all? No. It even got worse. One word: Renesmee. But I've said all this before. Let me just qu...
Read more

Not an Average Love Letter

Lately, I have been hinting heavily at my boyfriend that I would “appreciate” receiving a love letter. He’s been spot-on so far --- big boxes of chocolates, scouring shops and shelling out the bucks for my “craving of the month” munchies, flowers in vases and fluffy stuff to clutter my bed with. Everything except the Letter. See, some girls dream of breathtakingly expensive proposals, some of big fabulous weddings, and some fantasize of babies in a twin carriage. But ever since I was young, I only had one romantic notion and that is to receive one heck of a searingly honest, non-sappy, ultra-passionate love letter. The kind of letter that bares the soul and seals in ink the reasons and unreasons of Love --- so real it makes all other literature pale in comparison. I guess on the off-hand, it sounds like a tall order. I can imagine litgeeks balking at this request. And my guy, who like my sister believes that reading and writing are things you suffer through only for a perfectly iron-cl...
Read more