Un-Morbid

Book in Hand: Birthday of the World by Ursula Le Guin
Song in Mind: The Day You Said Goodnight by HALE


I promise not to be so morbid today, unlike my last post. It turned out, nobody understood my dream at all. I've asked around and all they can say is --- you're sick, dude.

Sure, like I didn't know that.

Anyway, I just came from Gateway on a solo sojourn. Went to National Bookstore Main and scoured the Previously Owned Books Level. It took me an hour to look around and all I found is a Book of Spells I knew costs around 800 bucks and which I got for 200 bucks only. Hehe, if anyone asks why I bought it, I'll just say research. Maybe someday I will have the guts to say undefensively ----

BECAUSE I FIND IT DAMN INTERESTING, THAT'S WHY!

I can't be breaking a Catholic Dogma because all I'm looking for is an informed decision about who I am in the Catholic sense. I've been a good Catholic girl for most of my life, but there are just some things which feels natural and right to me that was never explained in my Christian Living classes inside my little convent school. I'm not forsaking my God, or Jesus or Mother Mary.... they are part of the system of belief I have based my whole morality and humanity on. But maybe there's something more to the way I can find the miracle that they so dearly loved --- LIFE. Maybe there's something more I can find out about life.

I'm not sure if this is my version of a coming-out-story because I still am not wiccan, nor buddhist or Zen. But i feel relief in finally admitting that I am Asking Questions and I'm trying to find the Answers. My parents keep saying they did right by me and I seek confidence in that. I hold on to that so I would remember to think things through and only make the choice which i firmly and truly believe is right. They brought me up without killing my imagination, wonderment and they never ever tried to dissuade me from believeing in the magical and the mystical. Maybe they knew early on I would always be the weird kid -- with what the manifestations they've encountered early into my arrival on the planet.

Whatever it is I'll find at the end of my search, I'm sure God is stil central to it. Maybe there's an Olivia-shaped niche somewhere in the future and I'll find myself in it. Hopefully, before this lifetime is over.

Comments

  1. The Sanity Inspector12:24 PM

    Try reading some G. K. Chesterton, the famous British Catholic writer from 100 years ago.

    ReplyDelete

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