Wednesday, September 17, 2008


For some reason, Ryan contracted dengue fever over the week. How the hell did it happen? What irks me and scares me is that he probably got it somewhere around our house. So on top of everything else, I have to do a major survey of places where water accumulates. A stupid person told us to cut off all the trees and plants... obviously not knowing the dang insect breeds in water. Oh well.

We're understaffed as a family right now, and I find myself stepping up to the role of primary care giver while Ryan's in the hospital. When we lost our parents, we also lost people who made a lot of sense. There's just a lack of grounding, you know?

Life can suck.

Worse, Ryan is not on my medical plan because we're not directly related. So we're back to mobilizing resources (read borrowing from people) because the hospital bill will probably go deep. We're hitting 20K as of yesterday and we still have how many days to go.

Sometimes I have wondered why can't people just have one problem in their life, you know? Some would have to deal with disabilities, some with early deaths, some with pregnancies, and then that's it. I mean, why wouldn't it be that since we already went through 2 consecutive deaths of primary people in our lives, we can have the rest of our lives easy?

Darn it, I'm tired. And I'm not even in my 30s.

How much pain are humans supposed to suffer to be human?

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