Thursday, November 09, 2006

History of Gayness

Book in Hand: Breath in Suspension
Song in Mind: Complicated - Avril Lavigne

And I'm not talking about happiness, alright? I don't know why I keep falling for all the wrong guys --- in the sense that they usually turn out to be gay. I do understand that I like clean looking, neat shaven, pleasant looking men. But effing s... my gaydar is darn broken.

You think I'm exaggerating, huh? Can you handle a secret? Here's some of the people I actually had a crush on growing up and most of them turned out to be as gay as a Christmas Parade.

Neil Patrick Harris (as Doogie Howser, M.D.)

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Yeah, he's not much of a looker nowadays. But back when I was eight years old, he was an effing genius. Or at least, he plays one. Just recently he came out and gosh, darn, what took him so long to own up? But was I surprised? Heck yeah!

Keempee de Leon (god, why am I admitting this?)

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I was probably around nine when I had this fixation on Keempee de Leon. Back then he was still a singer, and in my defense, he was really cute back then okay? Then drug abuse happened and now he's this washed out half-gay, half-alien person on teevee. Some claims he's not really, really gay but heck if I can still have a crush on him when I know he thinks its fun to pose like that.

Stephen Gately

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Ah, half of OLGA knew I was in love with Steve and I'd marry him any goddamn day. Tsk, tsk. I still wonder how I made it through my adolescence with just a couple of scar tissues to show for it. How could I ever have not known??????
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The Best Friend

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Nuff said. (This by the way is all smoothened out now...:)

The Watercolor Guy

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So he's dignified looking, see (he's gotta be coz he's like 38), and he always smells good and he always look nice and he's a UP prof, and he's one heck of a water color artist (quite well known, actually). Kaya lang... he looks mataray... and as Petit said it, "Ganyan talaga ang effect niya, pero later on sasabihin mo na lang: Ay! Parang may mali..."

Nate Berkus

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He's Oprah's decorator guy and I almost end up hyperventilating eveytime he comes out on teevee. It doesn't matter if he's talking about paint and screwdrivers. When I learned he's out though, I went postal. C'mon, leave some good-looking guys for us girls naman!

Guys who might as well be gay because I have had a crush on them at least once in this lifetime:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

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He was this cute, pesky looking kid who starred in Home Improvement and a couple of feel-good movies. When I was in 6th grade, I thought he was the epitome of a man. :)

Ricky Martin (when he was still in Menudo)

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I know they say he's not gay, but c'mon, Ricky Martin is like the poster boy for the true metrosexual. He is, at the very least, bi.

Now, nobody get me wrong, okay? I'm not homophobic. Half of the cool people I know are gay and I'm even good friends with a handful. I'm just whining how I always pine for guys who pine for guys. It kinda sucks, y'know. All I'm saying is, when it comes to finding the right man....

I ought to buy myself a functioning gaydar.

Better yet, I should buy two.