Three Things I Should Have Told You Already.

1. I'm scared.

I'm not scared of missing out. You fished me out of misery and everything with you still looks better than what I had back then. What I'm scared of is that you would actually convince me I want to live longer than is absolutely necessary. I have made my peace with dying, and anticipate it. But you came along, and now I'm changing my mind.


2. I don't know if I can.

I thought when you fall in love, everything will fall into place. At least, that's the hype. You are a wonderful person, but the few things that do annoy me --- it annoys me big time. Now, I am able to accept it, because two years is new and parts of our relationship is still shiny, but I don't know for how long. Something's got to change, and I see you trying, but what if I am not patient enough to wait for that kind of evolution? I want to. But I don't know if I can.


3. I do.

I am 85% sure that if you ask me now, I will say yes. I don't know how life will progress after that. But I already do and fast approaching 100%. Because even with all the little annoying things, which may become big annoying things, you still take my breath away with your gentleness and patience and love. I would be incredibly stupid to let you go. So it's really ironic that I think, if you wait longer than 3 years and then some, I may start getting disappointed, and it'll snowball to resentment.


I can't tell you face to face yet. I don't want to have to do the back explanations. But then perhaps one day I will lead you to this post, and we will just laugh hard about it. Here's hoping.

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