Three Things I Should Have Told You Already.
1. I'm scared.
I'm not scared of missing out. You fished me out of misery and everything with you still looks better than what I had back then. What I'm scared of is that you would actually convince me I want to live longer than is absolutely necessary. I have made my peace with dying, and anticipate it. But you came along, and now I'm changing my mind.
2. I don't know if I can.
I thought when you fall in love, everything will fall into place. At least, that's the hype. You are a wonderful person, but the few things that do annoy me --- it annoys me big time. Now, I am able to accept it, because two years is new and parts of our relationship is still shiny, but I don't know for how long. Something's got to change, and I see you trying, but what if I am not patient enough to wait for that kind of evolution? I want to. But I don't know if I can.
3. I do.
I am 85% sure that if you ask me now, I will say yes. I don't know how life will progress after that. But I already do and fast approaching 100%. Because even with all the little annoying things, which may become big annoying things, you still take my breath away with your gentleness and patience and love. I would be incredibly stupid to let you go. So it's really ironic that I think, if you wait longer than 3 years and then some, I may start getting disappointed, and it'll snowball to resentment.
I can't tell you face to face yet. I don't want to have to do the back explanations. But then perhaps one day I will lead you to this post, and we will just laugh hard about it. Here's hoping.
I'm not scared of missing out. You fished me out of misery and everything with you still looks better than what I had back then. What I'm scared of is that you would actually convince me I want to live longer than is absolutely necessary. I have made my peace with dying, and anticipate it. But you came along, and now I'm changing my mind.
2. I don't know if I can.
I thought when you fall in love, everything will fall into place. At least, that's the hype. You are a wonderful person, but the few things that do annoy me --- it annoys me big time. Now, I am able to accept it, because two years is new and parts of our relationship is still shiny, but I don't know for how long. Something's got to change, and I see you trying, but what if I am not patient enough to wait for that kind of evolution? I want to. But I don't know if I can.
3. I do.
I am 85% sure that if you ask me now, I will say yes. I don't know how life will progress after that. But I already do and fast approaching 100%. Because even with all the little annoying things, which may become big annoying things, you still take my breath away with your gentleness and patience and love. I would be incredibly stupid to let you go. So it's really ironic that I think, if you wait longer than 3 years and then some, I may start getting disappointed, and it'll snowball to resentment.
I can't tell you face to face yet. I don't want to have to do the back explanations. But then perhaps one day I will lead you to this post, and we will just laugh hard about it. Here's hoping.
Good luck...
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