Friday, June 25, 2010

On Being Lost and Found

I have lost my purpose, yes.

I have bored my fair share of people and friends. I have served more than the customary number of parties as a wallflower. I have sucked out light like a black hole in some rare occassions. I have twinkled mostly dark than light, especially during the past years which I have candidly labeled "The Black Years."

But then unpredictable as star stuff, lately I find myself coming into my own with apparently no reason at all. It started with cleaning the house and throwing out all the baggages for the last 4 years. Then getting a new job. Then realizing I could handle relationships without hiding under the covers trembling. I still don't know where I'm going, but each step I take lands solidly on the ground. And best of it all is this silent blushing bloom of faith --- it is so much clearer now how God has supported me and gently led me even when I couldn't see because it was too pitch dark.

I have been too obssessed about finding a purpose. Now I realize, it was about not losing yourself when purpose can't be found. And the only person who can find you when you've lost your way, is yourself.

We learn any which way we can.

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