Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Mountains Within

We’ve heard it said, we have worlds within us, crevasses so deep, an ocean so vast. I personally like the ocean within us: impregnable, tempestuous, and indiscernible. But for every ocean that roils inside the human soul is a mountain that is equally unassailable and it towers over us virtually unreachable. I have spent years trying to understand my ocean. I figure it is now time to understand the mountains inside.

Tackling with the ocean within brings us closer to self-realization. It provides us a chance to break down the basic elements of our existence. Reflecting on the ocean helps us comprehend what lies deep within us. Contemplating about mountains on the other hand, is mostly visual, a panoramic view of your life, which hopefully brings us closer to the dreams we’ve always had, and the barriers standing in our way. In short, mountains help us comprehend what lies ahead of us. I needed this mountain vacation more than I thought I ever would.

Ever since I’ve sworn to move forward, I have been taking blind steps in whatever direction that presents itself. The feel of movement is glorious, thrilling and empowering. But I can’t keep walking blind for long. Gaining a higher perspective would help me get to where I’m going more effectively.

While pondering on steps forward and backward, in front of a newly dead bonfire, my breath came out in a mist that intermingles with the smoke of pine and cedar. I needed no more better proof that I am alive. My very soul is almost visible as I inhale and exhale the blistering cold air. Perhaps the air spelled it out for me. Maybe the foliage did. I suppose even the very skies and its nearness helped me gain the answer. The way forward is this: CHANGE.

Change in the way I handle relationships.
Change in what I do to sustain myself: body and soul.
Change in what I seek from other people.
Change in the way I treat myself.

I admit, I am relatively scared of change. I’m not always sure I can handle it. Not sure if I’m smart enough to dodge the harder blows. But now I realize, times like these, being smart is easy. Being brave, not as much. There will always be versions of Mt. Everest within us, and in the end, it is courage that carries us through.

So as I’ve said before, I take a step forward and another one, and then some more, to the music of spoons and forks. Having done that, now I believe it’s time to change the rhythm.

Sabi nga ni John Lloyd Cruz: Level up ka na!

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